Happily Ever After; Season 8 Episode 8

Patrick & Thighs:

It was the first morning in Brazil, which conveniently also happened to be Thais’s birthday. Patrick had smoothed over the troubles from the previous night by plying Thighs with a little birthday cake and floral arrangement action, which definitely lightened the mood. 

Feeling good to be back home, Thais thought maybe she could be the one to chauffeur the family around. Unfortunately she was unable to even make it out of the parking garage before Patrick and his tiny head took over.
After their bumpy start, the family of three then headed out for the day to meet up with Father Thais. The couple discussed their nervousness about seeing him, since they were still feeling bad about not getting his blessing on their marriage…..which was over 2 years and 1 baby ago. (It was either go with the “father doesn’t approve” storyline, or have them sit in the parking garage for the next few weeks).

Once at the park, they had an emotional reunion with Father Thais (aka Carlos, who I’m convinced could possibly be a Brazilian Soap Star). He wept tears of joy holding his long-lost daughter and then granddaughter for the first time. Though he was fawning all over the ladies, Carlos seemed to be ignoring Patrick. He eventually addressed him as “the guy who kidnapped his daughter”u…off to a great start. Carlos aired his grievances as Patrick sat quietly, nodding his babyhead. Carlos felt it was only right that Patrick should still ask for permission to marry Thais (Though if the answer is “no”, what would that mean? Carlos should totally say no just to spice things up..)

Patrick hoped he would prove himself to be a worthy husband during this short visit (Though he didn’t even bring a gift or buy any livestock. Not sure how you expect to impress anyone without a livestock purchase…especially when all you had to bring the man was a tiny baby with your exact same babyhead).

 

Nicole & Sooo MaaaachMood:

Back at Mannequin Manor, Nicole decided to pair her “divorcee” beret with a leather jacket as she embarked on a fashionable mission to look for Machmood on the streets of L.A.  Nicole drove with her usual “Deer in Headlights” look as she squinted through her car’s actual headlights until she finally spotted Machmoodyman and threw him into her hatchback. She channeled her inner Kathy Bates in “Misery” as she brought him back to her parking garage, where they had another awkward conversation in the car. Finally Machmood and his suitcase (who he has spent more time with than Nicole at this point) returned to the apartment, where Nicole instructed him to get into bed and wait for his evening tea (Which she may or may not have poisoned….She’s his number 1 fan!). 
Within 5 minutes, the usual fighting resumed, as Nicole tried to set some boundaries by telling Machmood they would not be sharing a bed. Maaachbadmood was confused, knowing that he probably would not be able to adjust to his American wife’s way of living (i.e. tequila in the freezer, knee-high dress slits, and naked mannequins), and debated if he “Go Egypt”. 
I think I’m going to come out with a new version of “Where’s Waldo” books, only it’s “Where’s MaaaachMood” and you have to spot the moody Egyptian guy with the suitcase in various scenarios. 

 

 

Ashley & Manuel & the aliens:

Back at the bar-side alien reading gone wrong…

Ashley had finally had it with Manuel’s slimy smug attitude, as he sat in his hot pink silk shirt texting on his phone, yet again. After causing a scene inside, she solicited a rather exotic looking bar patron to go outside with her for a cigarette. The unsuspecting stranger listened as she went on and on about Manuel’s inability to open up and stop being so sketchy. Manuel also made his way out of the bar, but not near Ashley. Instead he stepped to the side of the entrance, where he continued to quietly text his other wife in his hot pink shirt, which had far more personality than he’d ever expressed. Eventually Ashley made her way next to him to try and talk, though she didn’t really get anywhere. Manuel seemed to be stuck in his toad-like ways, thinking that all of their marital struggles were due to Ashley’s trust issues.

The next day Ashley decided to burn off a little steam at the same time as burning calories. She hit the gym where production stopped to ask her what was going on. Apparently that morning Ashley had overheard Manuel whispering on the phone before taking off without telling her. When she returned from her workout, she found him sitting in the hotel bed assuming the usual phone-on-hand position, furiously texting someone from his secret life….or an alien. Ashley couldn’t take his callous indifference and lack of consideration, and began to scream at him loud enough that the aliens probably didn’t need the language of light to hear her. Manuel felt that Ashley was unfairly creating drama over nothing, and that she should let him live his own life without having to answer to her witchy ways. He left the hotel room after the fight, off to see if he liked wandering the streets of Queens as much as he liked wandering the streets of Rochester. Maybe he’ll run into Machmood….

 

 

Jasmania & Gee Know:

It was their first morning in Miami and coincidentally Jasmine’s birthday. Gino knew he had to come up with some pretty exciting birthday plans, so he decided to take Jazzy J to see one of her favorite animals- Alligators! Jasmine worked hard to choose the perfect outfit for her Everglades alligator tour, deciding between a drab green outfit that helped her fit in with the scenery, versus a more confrontational hot pink spandex number (That helped her fit in with Manuel and his silk shirt. He also belongs in the Everglades). As she hemmed and hawed over her alligator attire, Gino asked her to follow him into the bathroom for a surprise. Since they had the place to themselves, he decided to draw her a sensual bubble bath in Leandro’s tub. He had lit some candles and began wiggling his bare toes, knowing she would be unable to resist all of the sexiness, as per the camping trip. Though Jasmine appreciated the sentiment, she had to restrain herself frm the foot temptation. Apparently she had recently changed her mind on the whole “Producing Baby Gino” (aka Baby Fredo), but wasn’t quite sure how to tell him yet. She politely declined his erotic offer, blaming her lack of libido on the stress of alligator outfit selection-induced stress.

Later on the two set out for a quick stop at the beach, where Jasmine was reminded of a sense of home (Panama the country, not the poorly decorated townhouse). She seemed to be getting a bit nostalgic, which could have led her down a depressing path, but Gino quickly whisked her to the main event of the day- An airboat ride in the Everglades! Jasmine was in heaven spotting her very first gator swimming towards their airboat. She tried to baby-talk to the gator to get him to come closer, before turning the conversation a bit more serious. She told Gino that Leandro had gotten her an invite to a “beauty pageant workshop”, hoping to cheer her up from her current state of depression that is living in Michigan with a man wearing ill-fitting hats who hard-blinks constantly. Gino seemed supportive of the pageant idea, hoping it would be a real pick me up for Jasmine, who’s depression had been affecting him as well. 
Then the alligator ate them. The end. (JK….it tried to, but it didn’t have the proper equipment).

 

Loren & Alexei:

It was the morning of Loren’s big “mommy makeover”, as she nervously said goodbye to her 3 little people. She and Alex had some time to mull over the surgery, before Alex blew his nose loudly, and then they left. (Maybe I’ll call Father Patrick to see if he needs me to watch the paint in the apartment dry).

The two arrived at the surgeon’s office where Loren was given a little injectable encouragement before going under and reverting this portion of the show back to the original TLC content that they used to have before 90 Day garbage took over.
This is as exciting as it gets…unless somebody drops a Junior Mint during the surgery (If ya know, ya know). 

 

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

In an attempt to get along while adapting to their new Texas surroundings, Rob and Sophie mosied on down to a flea market to peruse the cowboy boot selection (I absolutely LOVE flea markets, but not the kind with Rob).They happened upon a crystal jewelry shop, where “Doug”, the shop owner gave Sophie a run down of her possible clairvoyant powers. Crystal Doug also offered relationship advice, which he expertly gave as he simultaneously solicited a fight between the two (Not that it’s hard to do). He felt the couple had communication issues, and let them know that he also moonlights as a Shaman, managing to slip them his card. 
Crystal Doug better be coming to the Tell All.

Back at “The Knobs’” humble abode, Sophie was attempting to clean the apartment before stopping to call her mum. She let her know that she moved back in with Rob, and the two are seeking couples’ therapy in addition to the power of crystals to try and heal their relationship. Sophie then revealed a strange happening; While home with Rob she had heard a phone vibrating, then go to Rob’s voicemail, only neither of their phones in their possession rang. Mother Sophie believed it could be a “ho phone”, which in layman’s terms is a second phone used for the purposes of cheating, or being a “ho”. Fo sho.

Sophie tried searching the house, thinking the best hiding spot would obviously be behind a wall of baby tarantulas securely stored in Dixie cups (In all honesty, I wouldn’t look there. Well played, Rob. Well played). She made a few attempts to snoop, but was scared away by the itsy bitsy spider guards. Hopefully next week she will locate the ho phone and they both get eaten by the tarantulas like the movie Arachnophobia, which basically ruined my childhood.