Shekinah & SarperImage:

Holly & Wayne the Drain:

Dearly Beloved… We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Hairy Holly and Wayne the Drain. Well…maybe.
Holly put all 47 feet of her creepy hair into silk rollers as she wandered around the hotel room, having a bit of a panic attack  (Her wedding Pinterest board was mostly pictures of the girl from “The Ring”). Apparently she had slept through her eyelash extension appointment and felt there was no way now for her to look her best. 

Wayne The Drain Sr. (Wayne’s father and master drain-snaker) was in attendance for his son and fellow plumber’s big day. Wayne Jr. looked proud, as he had planned the entire wedding himself, including all of the details, and paid with cryptocurrency. 

Back in the mental ward, Holly was pacing around the room like Gollum, as she stressed herself out over details. The bathroom door seemed to be falling off the hinges, her dress hadn’t been blinged out to her liking, and her mom’s hair looked like it got stuck in the ceiling fan before load-  shedding shut it off and freed her (I guess load-shedding comes in handy sometimes). One would have thought Holly would have been a wedding professional by now, being that this was her “third time’s a charm” affair, however, it seems her first two wedding were just as much of a trainwreck (Maybe she should have spent the last week preparing everything instead of running around town without her shoes on). 

An hour after their planned start time, Wayne and Co. stood nervously at the altar, no Holly in sight. The guests waited anxiously, hoping Holly wasn’t trapped in Ronald Ma’Boy’s blue room (If ya know, ya know). Just then, a car pulled up delivering the bride, who’s head was sticking out of the car window like a dog on its way to the vet, as her frizzy mom helped her climb out and down the aisle. Wayne breathed a sigh of relief, smiling that the wedding was actually going to happen and he didn’t just use an entire jar of “Lion’s Mane” on his hair for nothing (That’s the premium pomade in South Africa, and yes I made that up). After a brief ceremony, the officiant pronounced them “Hakuna” and “Matata” as they awkwardly kissed for the first time as Mr & Mrs. Drain. Holly clung to her bouquet of black roses as the couple posed with their families for group photos, completing their fairytale wedding (It must have been a “Brother’s Grimm” type of fairytale…those are pretty weird and have hairy characters). Mazel Tov to the newlyweds! I bought them a toaster, but someone stole it during load-shedding.

TJ & Kween Kimbally #2:

Meanwhile in Jaipur (Where they were making really delicious looking snow cones that I would have loved to have eaten, had the snowconeman’s hands not have been all up in them,…)
It was finally time for the Parents Kimbally and the Parents TJ to meet. Kimbally briefed her family on the official greetings and customs, and informed them that her apartment now had a functional toilet (Which is always a plus, especially if you have 6 or more diarrheas)

Back at the house, TJ was chatting with his brother Yash, trying to make sure he would keep the peace for the sake of the meeting. The two families greeted each other warmly (That is….except Father TJ who just kind of stood there… He’s a loner, Dottie. A rebel).
Stepmother Kimbally kept the compliments and positive outlook rolling as she toured the apartment, even managing to overlook the horrible lip on the countertop. The party moved out onto the balcony, where everyone sat down to get to know each other better. Father Kim brought up the cultural differences, and wanted to know how the family felt about Kimbally moving in, ripped jeans, screeching and all. Mother TJ smiled, as she vaguely said she believed everyone can get along by showing respect and love. She told the cameras aside that she believed everything would work out, once she got Kimbally housebroken. The conversation then turned towards Yash, who did his best putting on a happy face, saying he believed they could all give peace a chance. Then there was poor Father TJ, who sat there silent, thinking in his head how his wife and son were full of it, since his wife got mad at him 20 years prior and he’s been sleeping alone on the floor ever since. 

Looks like next week there will be a wedding going down… I might get them a toaster, but if it’s the wrong kind, Kimbally will have a tantrum.

Mary & Brandan:

The two future parents seemed to be going through a rough patch already. It seems that Brandan spends most mornings waking up late and playing cell phone games, while Mary does all of the chores. Mary also had the bright idea to build and open a store near their house that sells snacks and such, as a way to make money. Her business investors were her friends (Push-pop, Flan, and Cracker Jack), whom she still needed to repay. She asked Brandan to come with her down the street to a larger market where she picked up supplies to resell with a 57 cent profit margin (Clearly her business model was equally as on target as her birth control methods). She felt upset that Brandan wasn’t helping much with the store, due to the fact that he didn’t understand the language. 

Even though it was a stressful time and Mary seemed to be giving him that look the women have on the show “Snapped”, Brandan decided to make a bold move. He took  Mary into the extra murdery-looking supply closet, where he gave a sad, and monotone speech while looking at the floor. Ultimately it turned into a proposal, as he presented a small box with a giant bulky silver ring that read “I am enough”, asking if she’d like to marry him (As the song “Simply Irresistible” plays in the background). Brandan explained the significance of the engraving, being that when he and Mary fight, either of them will say “I guess I’m not enough for you” (It was a nice nod to remember those moments, for sure). Mary stood by awkwardly, not saying a word, as she was still upset over all of the debt and laziness. She was confused, as this was nothing like the proposals she had seen in any movie, and the ring was clearly made to fit Shaquille O’Neil….or a possibly a pipe fitting. She eventually said “Ok I’ll marry you, What choice do I have?”, which really upped the fairytale factor. 

Clearly these two better get married fast before Lolo gets home from his Yak convention, or they’re going to be in big trouble! Maybe one of those screaming geckos can officiate…