90 Days Of Our Lives; S8, EP 12

Stephanie & No more Ryan & Cousin Harris:
Stephanie woke up without her 27 year old fiancé, claiming that she and Ryan were finally “Done” (a favorite phrase amongst the 90 Day franchise). She stabbed and ruined the “I love you” balloon and roses that Ryan had brought to the airport to finalize her decision and demonstrate maturity. Last week, amidst all of the turmoil, she had thought to send up the Cousin Harris signal and summon him to the resort for a little…..friendship.
Stephanie dolled herself up in her bright pink sundress and novelty lipstick shaped purse from Forever 21 (her alma mater) as she strutted downstairs to meet up with the new Ryan. 
We finally got to meet Cousin Harris, who was fully prepared to be Ryan’s understudy. He was sweating profusely as he explained that the first time he met Stephanie, he wanted to bring her a coconut that he climbed and picked himself (I bet Ryan would never do that…also, Ryan only owns Adidas sandals, so I’d think that would make climbing fairly challenging). He explained that Stephanie had called in the middle of the night, so he woke up and jumped on a bus for 4 hours, then had to catch a boat for another 2 hour ride, then a drone dropped him off in the middle of the resort with his neck gaiter mask and VOILA! Cousin Harris; Better than Amazon prime. 
Once Stephanie had Harris alone in the villa, she went into the whole sordid Ryan tale, explaining all of the manipulation and deception she recently experienced. Harris wholeheartedly sided with Stephanie, assuring her that she made the right decision by ending things. She asked Harris to stay for the last 3 days of vacation so she can enjoy the rest of her trip (aka get revenge pictures for Instagram to make Ryan jealous). Without hesitation, Cousin Harris agreed to stay, noting that she was a woman worthy of “love and care” (as were her roots. She should’ve brought a box with her). She thanked Ry-(I mean Harris) profusely for agreeing to stay, as she could really use a good vacation “friendship”. The previews for next week show Stephanie already trying to figure out how to pull the ole’ “switcheroo” and transfer the K1-Visa to Harris like it’s a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket. I foresee a lot of slides, watches, and private hula hoop lessons in Harris’s future! Can’t wait!. 

Team Tarzel:
By day, Team Tarzel are a couple of at-home teachers who work one on one with Tarik’s daughter Auri. By night, Team Tarzel are hitting up the dating profile scene to look for their collective girlfriend. As they perused the interweb thrupple site, they started to realize they may not be on the same page when it comes to what they want for Tarzel, party of 3. Hazel is really looking for a sister wife that she can also occasionally make out with, while it seems as though Tarik is picturing more of a Cinemax situation. Since they are having a hard time compromising on what type of girl they are looking for, Tarik suggests they should get some insight from someone who knows them “intimately”; Their ex girlfriend, Minty. This seems to be a hot button issue with Hazel as she is extremely jealous of Minty, being that Tarek seemed a little too into her minty flavor. Nevertheless, Tarek convinced Hazel to partake in a video chat.
It was easy to see the connection between Tarek and Minty and a possible team Mintrik or Tarinty on the horizon, should Tarzel not work out. Hazel looked uncomfortable throughout the entire conversation, even being a bit rude to Minty. Obviously this entire video chat was pointless and only for a little added drama (being that Team Tarzel has been a real snoozefest lately), but it seemed as though Minty was on board for anything, including helping them find another girl. Hazel got possessive and didn’t appreciate Minty’s persistence, getting mad at Tarek for reopening the line of communication. Clearly Hazel is way too jealous and not ready for the thrupple-life and is starting to have trust issues in regular old couple life. 

Rebecca & Zied:
Back at the Georgia detention center, Zied is acclimating himself with the dishwasher. He mentioned something about putting a chicken in it, which hopefully didn’t happen (maybe he was referring to the turkey he hunted? Did i miss that part yet?? I was so mach looking forward to it). The camera panned the bedroom, showing a tray beside the floor-bed full of empty Entemann’s boxes, Monster energy drinks, diet Coke cans, string cheese, and cigarettes….breakfast of champions (Maybe Angela was in town?) 
Rebecca took the day away from chicken slinging to air out Zied in the countryside, and also look at a wedding venue. Once they arrived, they were met by a horse and carriage who took them for a romantic ride. Zied was excited to see the horse, as Rebecca announced that she “loved the smell of horses” (which I suppose was a nice change from cigarette butts and stale doughnuts). Zied did not seem so mach impressed at the idea of having a real wedding, given the current state of the pandemic, and he felt they should just get married in the courthouse. Rubekkkuh seemed so maach angry hearing this news, since she had pictured a grand affair where she and Peepaw Zied could really celebrate and she could see him wear a tuxedo two sizes too small.
The couple holed up for the weekend in a romantic cabin, which was exciting because- furniture. Rebecca tried to broach the topic of wedding planning again, as she claimed this was her third and final marriage. Though she was hoping that their wedding could be a week-long celebration of their eternal lost in translation love, Zied had to break the news that they must be married before Ramidan. You would think Rebecca would know this, being that she’s an expert on Islam (not sure if anyone knows this, but she had an ex from Morocco, who was also Man Arabic). She’s getting so maach angry that he had never mentioned this timeline before his arrival, and expressed with the lip bitey face that she does NOT want to rush the wedding. The two appear to be at a deadlock, with Zied suggesting that he should leave during Ramadan if Reebekuuh won’t marry him prior. I hate seeing meemaw and grand-papa fight like this.

Big Mike & Natalie:
Meanwhile, back in Squim…..
I started watching this segment wondering “Where will they fight today???” But much to my surprise, they stayed local and somewhat peaceful.
Natalie called her friend Svetlana to update her on how badly the 90 days have been going. Shvettie told her to basically forgive, forget and move on, which was better advice than she got last week from the “mental health professional” online, and it was free.
Later on, it was a glorious Squimmy afternoon, and we saw Michael acting like the Brawny paper towel guy, chopping some wood. Natalie called him over to talk about giving peace a chance. She admitted that they both had been hurt throughout the relationship, and she finally apologized, agreeing to move forward. Mike seemed receptive to her apology and they actually kissed and made up for the time being. With only 21 days left until Natalie’s Visa expires, they need to make up their minds and fast, since Uncle Bo needs time to prepare his outfit if he’s going to be the best man. 

Yara & Bonjovi:
Yara confronted a sullen Jovi about her gripes from the engagement party. She seems to be mad about his drinking and the fact that he was off talking to his friends and didn’t seem to care about tending to her and all of her complaints. Jovi felt like he did check in with her throughout the night and it seemed like she was having a good time, so he didn’t see a problem with socializing on his own. Their little conversation ended with Jovi promising to be more supportive and cut back on the drinking to days only ending in Y.
They then went into the kitchen to meet up with Parents Jovi and discuss the engagement party (which Yara still hasn’t thanked her for, and keeps claiming that she “let” her throw the party- so nice of her). Jovi’s mother had a lot of questions about the couples’ wedding plans and was slightly taken aback to hear that they planned to elope in Vegas on their own. Of course this was hard for Mother Jovi to hear, being that she so badly wanted to be there but Yara seemed pretty adamant about going alone. 
Later on, Jovi took Yara around New Orleans to show her a bit more around the city, with her enthusiastic response to each sight being: “cool”. They wandered into a mask/souvenir shop and tried on some Mardi Gras wears, with Yara complaining all the while. She didn’t seem to get the concept of Mardi Gras besides drinking and debauchery, so she asked Jovi about the history. He failed miserably to explain anything beyond drinking and eventually going to church, while Yara heckled him and was annoyed at his lack of culture (at least she wasn’t wearing her jacket on her shoulders while she insulted him this time… it makes everything sound even more smug). They had a conversation about their future, with Yara hoping to move away from the city, as she doesn’t feel it’s a place for a family. They did seem to end on a positive note, at least for now.

Andrew & Amira:
Amira headed to her dad’s place to tell him about Andrew’s new genius plan for her to go to Serbia. Her father, much like everyone else, thinks this is a dumb idea. Nothing new here, thank you-NEXT!

Ok fine.
Andrew is back in preschool, taking a break from Baby Shark to Facetime Amira about the new dumb idea, all while drinking out of a mug with his own face on it. He did, however, think to bring an immigration lawyer in on threeway (calling….not a Tarzel situation), who gave them advice about postponing the Visa. The lawyer also gave some insight as to why Amira may have been detained in Mexico, stating it was probably the way she had answered their line of questioning (Or because they needed a storyline). Amira admitted to Andrew that she wanted to reschedule the Visa instead of comparing detention centers for Yelp reviews, which Andrew said is fine by him. Amira insisted that Andrew was going to be mad at her if she didn’t try the Serbia plan, even though he claimed he was open to whatever she wanted to do (Not sure what kind of guilt laden religion SHE believes in, but MAN! If I was locked up after one hairbrained plan, I don’t care how unhappy it made my dungeon master boyfriend! Serbia would not be an option. They both need to go back to their “Nothing boxes” from Ash’s seminar).

Brandon & Julia:
Betty was teaching Julia how to make the grossest looking lasagna I have ever seen, which they then took outside to eat beside the muddy pond, and bask in the ambiance of the farm aroma. Brandon kicked off the dinner conversation by telling everyone that his job as a pest control technician was deemed essential during the pandemic, because squishing bugs is always important. It seems as though the pandemic may be hindering the couple’s wedding plans, as they are unsure if things will be okay in time for their church wedding ceremony date, and are debating just going to the courthouse. Brandon announces that he has been invited to go wedding dress shopping with Julia, since she doesn’t have any friends or family close by. Betty of course took the opportunity to invite herself along for the fun.
The next day we saw Julia, Brandon and Betty meet up at a small bridal shop. Betty was bubbling with excitement as she greeted her future daughter in law, who looked less than thrilled to see her there. The bridal attendants had Julia try on a few options, with her walking out to show her audience. Brandon was very “bleh” about the whole thing, trying not to say the wrong thing and just playing it safe by saying he liked every dress. He did, however, help out by holding up the phone with Julia’s mother on video chat, so she could virtually attend. Betty was really on her best behavior, and seemed to try and get Brandon to be more excitable and involved, without much luck. And now I have to go make a real lasagna, because I’m so bothered.