I will preface this finale recap by saying that this has been one of the longest, most boring seasons in all of 90 Day history. Ellie and Victor were so boring they didn’t even make it on the finale, and Bini & Ari had a 5 minute anticlimactic segment. All of the weddings included animals in some capacity, some even being held hostage.
I can not wait for the new season of Before the 90 Days, and am happy to be filing this season of The Other Way in the books.
Karmando:
Ok, I have a confession to make….
In between the last episode and this one, I flew down to Mexico in an avion (that’s airplane, Kenny), rented a car, drove down to Tuco Salemanca’s winery where the wedding was taking place and slipped Father Armando 432 pesos (That’s $20, Kenny), to ENSURE this wedding was going to take place this week and he would be attending. We the people (much like Jenny) don’t have any more time to waste. You can thank me later…
Armando got ready with his family while Kenny had a little bit of alone time with his kids before the big event. Truffles looked stunning in her adorable dress, which conveniently matched the rest of the bridal party. The nerves and emotions ran high as both of the guys made their way to their respective partitions at the end of the aisle, looking great in their suits. They each walked down on the outside of the audience to meet at the altar, which represented their “separate paths” they had taken to get to this day. The tears were flowing as Karmando took turns reading their thoughtful vows and expressions of love. Not only was Father Karmando in attendance, but he was dressed impeccably like Panama Jack as he teared up, later expressing his happiness and well wishes for the grooms (which further proves my point that he was never really against their marriage, and was only using his exposure to further his crystal necklace Etsy shop, “The Family Jewels, by Father Armando”). The officiant translated the entire ceremony in both English and Espanol (Thank God! I was sick of having to translate everything for Kenny myself), as she finally pronounced them married (or “two people asking each other what they want to eat for dinner and not knowing the answer, for the rest of their lives”.)
The mariachis played for all to hear, as Karmando signed the official paperwork confirming their union in the eyes of the Mexican government (though I’m sure I could’ve scrounged up another 432 pesos to win them over as well).
Father Armando attended, smiled, waved the rainbow flag, and screamed “YAAAAAAS, Queens!!” as he watched the first dance happily from the sidelines (He had been watching a lot of Ru Paul’s drag race in preparation, he’s extra like that).
The wedding party looked to be a huge success, ending with a magical firework display to make ‘em go “oh oh oh” as they shoot across the sky. I did not buy this couple a toaster, like so many before them. I bought them an airfryer, and I threw away the receipt. Mazel Tov, Team Karmando!
Jenny & Stewmeat:
Last week ended a bit ambiguous, as Jenny was trying to decide if she should leave India since the wedding thing looked bleak. After deciding that his life would be empty without the scent of Bengay and White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, Shycreep decided he would in fact commit to marrying Jenny (these have always brought her luck). Though he was a nervous wreck, Suitpleat decided to face his fears and make Jenny an honest woman (Well, truth be told, after my trip to Mexico, I brought Tuco with me and we swung by India real fast. I had him threaten Smee to marry Jenny so we wouldn’t have to revisit this storyline ever again, while simultaneously using him to rack up my Delta miles). The couple sat on their bed as they video called the lawyer together to give him the green light to file the paperwork.
Jenny didn’t want to give Summit, NJ any more time to possibly back out, so she launched right into pre wedding festivities. She rushed over to meet with her fake India friend to partake in the traditional Mehndi ceremony, so she would be blessed with health (definitely important) and prosperity (By way of lots of Cameo orders this holiday season). Jenny was absolutely glowing, as the friend placed bunches of flowers and garlands all around, topping off the look with a little French’s mustard on her cheeks for good luck.
Back at home, Sootleak looked nervous as ever, especially because this wedding was going to take place in the temple which was against the family astrologer’s advice. To offset the wrath of the Gods, he decided to spend his entire allowance on buying cows as offerings. Hopefully he got a group rate on the cows, as he will most likely need more as a peace offering for his parents when he finally tells them about his holy matrimony AFTER the fact.
Then, almost as if dreams really do come true….. It was finally time for the wedding day.
Jenny had her glam team working overtime as they swept her hair into a beautiful bun, covering it with a floral lunch lady snood and applied her makeup (that she promptly covered up with her glasses). In true Indian “more is more” wedding tradition, they affixed her tikka and dupatta to her head (traditional jewels and veil), and adjusted her gorgeous orange saree to perfection (Hopefully they got paid by the safety pin). The nose ring (or nath) was placed on SoupTreat’s bride as a symbol of virginity (I guess in this case, the one she took from the groom).
SwampKnee looked absolutely amazing in his peach wedding attire! It was like a Golden Girls pantsuit gone wild, with a pearl necklace and everything (Golden Girls was definitely the wedding theme). His incredible peach groom headpiece was reminiscent of my mother’s 1990’s window treatments, in the best way possible. They both looked incredible.
The couple enjoyed their first look in the privacy of their filthy living room, as they were blown away by the wedding day makeovers. Jenny and Sumitch then headed over to the temple, using food to bribe the leaders to bless their union (which hopefully Jenny didn’t cook. If they have under 5 diarrheas, they still have to perform the ceremony).
They came before the temple tribal council for the main event, whis was beautiful and full of color. After all of the rituals, chants, and cow donations, the celebrity couple was finally Mr. and Mrs.JenMe, SUNY, SumKnee, Jummit (but legally, she became Jenny Jones).
Despite the lack of attendees and publicity, the wedding was beautiful. There were a few morals to this story;
1. Catfishing does not always lead to ultimate disappointment. Sometimes it leads to years of massive disappointment until you ultimately get married in India.
2. Everyone looks amazing in Indian wedding attire.
3. Miracles do happen.
I did not buy them a toaster OR an air fryer. Instead I got them $100 worth of Mr. Clean products, because that kitchen…..
Mazel Tov, and can’t wait to watch their spinoff; “Keeping up with the Joneses”!
Borey & EvilOne:
Wow. Excitement. Can’t wait….
Evilone was a bundle of nerves on the morning of her re-wedding to soft-Core, as she explained her “anxiety disorder” (aka, her getaway plan). Corey acted like a complete goofball as usual, as he readied himself with his best man (his husky- cleverly named “Puppy”). In a separate Engabaoian seaside location without walls, Evilone was preparing for her renuputals with her mother and evil little sisters in attendance. The Sisters Evilone gave her a secret code just in case she wanted to back out at the last minute (which of course would mean nothing since they’re legally already married. But who doesn’t love a fun hand gesture?!)
Raul showed up to crash the wedding and support Corey, even though he had been strictly forbidden by her majesty. Corey was shivering at the thought of disturbing his bride-to-be-again, threatening that Raul may be asked to leave at the first sign of Evelin’s distress.
Evenlin explained all of her negative thoughts about marriage and her disinterest in the entire institution, as she slipped on her bridal gown and strolled down the aisle with Father Evilone (who is her identical twin…well, to her old face). Corey was an emotional wreck as he awkwardly stammered out his vows to an audience that couldn’t understand a word that the gringo was saying. Corey’s best man and ringbearer, Puppy, lost interest and fell asleep, as Sister Evelin officiated the ceremony (she didn’t do a bad job officiating…but let’s just hope she wasn’t also catering!).
The reception included traditional Ecuadorian dancers, drinks, and lots of food (check the menu carefully for ingredients…) Evelin deemed the night “perfecto” (that’s Perfect, Kenny), that was until she saw Raul get up to make the best man’s speech (Puppy got bored and left hours before). Raul’s speech was sweet and heartfelt, though Corey could hardly understand a word of it, because he’s Kenny’s long lost gringo brother. Raul did such an incredible job that the ice queen of Engabao’s cold heart melted, if only for a moment, to forgive him for…..( What did he do again? Went out for dinner? The nerve!)
All was well in Engabao, as the couple danced the night away, and became Mr. & Mrs. Whatever they were the day before, since they were already married.
I did actually buy THEM a toaster… the one with the worst Amazon reviews that catches on fire. Mazel Tov!
Steven & Alina:
It was the morning of the big wedding as Steven and Alina appeared to be giddy and excited. Even though none of their friends or family could attend, the couple still decided to have a special outdoors ceremony with their far off loved ones tuning in via satellite. While Alina and her glam squad toiled away on all of that frizz, Steven scurried about rounding up the guests….and by guests, I mean stray cats. While in Turkey, Alina had befriended a small pride of local stray cats and Steven, being the creative individual he is, decided it was important for these feline witnesses to attend. He headed to the wedding site in his Uber Turkey (which is a car service, not a large turkey), with his stray cats meowing endlessly in their carriers for Liam Neison to come rescue them with his special set of skills.
The cats were escorted in their carriers to their respective seats, as Steven waited patiently at the altar. Along with the cat crew, the couple also invited the cleaning lady from their building (probably hoping to score a few extra little shampoo bottles and clean towels). Steven cued up the Zoom call on his laptop so the couples’ families could watch them make bad choices. Alina finally appeared in her beautiful Game of Thrones dress, because Winter is coming. Steven thought she looked like one of the characters from Star Wars (who’s name he couldn’t recall, because he was too busy skiddlypooping some girl during the movie). Alina was thrilled by the surprise guests, branding Steven’s cat wrangling skills as a “manly gesture” (and back in the Renaissance period, that may have been true. Things were kind of weird). Meows of happiness rang throughout the land as the officiant pronounced them man and wife. I didn’t buy these two any appliances, but I did send them a case of Fancy Feast, so I essentially catered the wedding. Mazel Tov!
Ari & Biniyam:
Now that there was a chance he could be moving to the U.S., Biniyam had to think of some new potential career ideas outside of the butt bongoing sector. He took up learning welding as a possible option, but was probably secretly thinking of how to add flying sparks into his act.
Ari met up with him while wearing a 90’s African fly girl outfit to discuss her hesitations about their upcoming trip to Ethiopia. Biniyam made sure to wear his tightest fitting white t shirt to accentuate all of his abs, hoping to sway Ari’s decision to accompany him home to up his chances of having the Visa approved. All muscles aside, Ari decided to decline the Ethiopian vacay, sending Bini off on his own. It seemed like this was the best they could do for the big season finale. Hopefully at the Tell All there will be some sort of update. I’m glad I didn’t invest in another toaster for this one…
Yes… I had said in the past about Sumsh*t & Jenny … “I’ll believe this when I hear the cloven hooves of Pigs on the roof of my house!” Well reckon I heard them. 🤣😅🤣😅
lol I couldn’t believe it. We’ll probably find out later that the guy marrying them is a paid actor and the marriage isn’t legal.. SueMe has to get his loopholes
Great job, but again. Too funny! Thanks
thank you!!
You are the funniest girl on the planet I would rather read these than actually watch the episodes
Aww thank you sooo maach!!
The only ceremony I watched was Jenny and “Stewmeats”.
I figured it could get the flavor of the others from your recap.
Great job as usual 🤓
Thank you <3 You didn't miss too much! Just a little cat-trafficking
The many different names you give Sumit!! Priceless
Hopefully this is their last season… I’m running out of names!
I don’t know, I can’t be the first to compliment you and your agile brain for coming up with the hilarious names for Sue me and Borey! Priceless!!💕💕💕
lol thank you!!
Outstanding as always. Soo funny. Love it!
thank you soo maaach!
Funny AF. I have to know RIGHT NOW- You have to be from Brooklyn- you said ” Car service” Only Brooklyn people say that LOL I hope you do a review of the Tell All!!
LOL well…NY! You got me! I will definitely be doing the Tell All and the new season of Before the 90 Days!
I used to live near Houston & Broadway, but moved to Florida as a teen.
Awesome as usual!
Thank you!!
Omgosh you literally Make my Day. Greetings from Sydney Australia 🇦🇺
yaaay!! <3
You are the queen of a plethora of names for Sumit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How long till the next season? I don’t know if I can hold on that long! You’re the best!
The new season starts Sunday, Dec 12th! I’m excited!
Erica, you did a wonderful job.. Thank you So Much
Thanks, Leslie!!
I finally got an email after leaving mine so many times! I love your humor and can’t wait for the new season! Thanks for the email!!
Without a doubt, you are THE funniest woman I have NEVER met – and there are a lot of people whom I have yet to meet! You have an amazing sense of humor, and an amazing talent for telling the story, adding your hilarious descriptions and names and analogies. Thank you for bringing laughter to my day! Looking forward to next season.
Thanks so so much!! Glad you enjoy it!
You are so talented. I love everything you write. So happy you didn’t give up on this show and leave us in the dust. Indian dust, of course.
Charlotte
lol thank you!!