Before the 90 Days; Season 8 Episode 9

Emma & Zied #2:

Emma and New Zied were back, still fighting since the minute they laid eyes on each other. Zied claimed to be sorry about all of the bickering and would be “so nice” moving forward, which Emma gladly accepted by running her sharp talons through her wig hair. Now that they’ve turned over a new leaf, Zied made an attempt to romance his plastic princess. Since they were on an upswing, Emma wanted to gauge the likelihood of a proposal. She was shocked to hear Zied reveal it had gone from a 0 to 7% chance (Because it’s 90 Days and we only speak in percentages).
The next day happened to be Emma’s birthday, and she confessed that she and Zied had consummated their ridiculous relationship, probably moving the meter up to a 10% proposal probability. While she was happy that she had finally gotten a Moroccan makeout session, she described Zied’s manhood as palm-sized (Which, once the show airs, will probably move the propose-o-meter down to -7%). Emma excitedly got dressed for their afternoon outing of camel riding, which she hoped would be the perfect setting for her proposal. I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to see what happens… But I’m kind of hoping the camel spits on her wig.

Daniel & BabyGirl Lisa #2:

After shvitzing for a week, Lisa decided it was time to take off her Amazon wig. The wig glue had become one with her face, as she attempted to brush and wash her 5” of natural locks. After giving herself an early American settler-esque blowout, she headed to the lobby to debut her real hair to Daniel, especially since Dear Uncle had now given the OK for marriage. Unfortunately he wasn’t immediately “wowed”, and felt like he had been Catfished. He basically shamed her into putting the wig back on, as it was time for her to meet his friends and he didn’t want to be made fun of for the rest of his life. Lisa became less color blind and was finally able to see the red flags, as she was hoping Daniel would still like her once she flipped her wig, but no such luck.
The two headed off to a cafe to meet with three of Daniel’s Yahoo boys. Lisa learned that she was Daniel’s fairy Godmother, since before her financial contributions, he was running around town with one pair of beat up shoes and crotch-hole shorts. And speaking of Daniel’s crotch… Lisa begged his friends for intel, as it seems her fiance had been less than forthcoming about his past romances. The Friends Daniel hesitated, but finally admitted that he definitely had a way with women, even in crotchless pants. Especially in crotchless pants. Lisa claimed another American woman had contacted her, claiming Daniel had been sliding into her DMs while they had begun their insanely stupid relationship. Lisa stared down Daniel, demanding to know the truth, which may possibly make her storm off, taking his unholey wardrobe with her. Do it for the pants, Daniel. Please think about your new pants.

Jovon & Annalyn:

The honeymoon from hell continues, as the two seemed annoyed breathing each other’s air. Analyn complained that Javon is hard to be with, especially after all of those pesky man podcasts. Jovon felt that Analyn was a bit too crazy, and also liked to converse way too much for his personality, which was the human equivalent of oatmeal. Despite the fact that they weren’t on speaking terms, the two tried to separately enjoy their room service. Jovon finally broke the ice, complaining about Annalyn’s incessant nagging, while she insisted that he was the worst Debbie Downer of all time.
After a few hilariously accurate impressions of his doom and gloom attitude, they finally seemed to lighten up and decided to give peace a chance. Previews for next week show the raincloud reappearing over Jovon, as he sees Annalyn’s luxurious closet that he’s been working hard to pay for.

Rick & Trisha:

Things were looking up, post-lemur adventure, as Rick took Trish to yet another fancy shmancy love nest where he planned on not getting her pregnant. Once they were settled at the resort, Rick pulled out some leopard print Shein outfits to complete his whole “Tarzan and Madagascar Jane” role playing fantasy. Even though she found the get up to be stupid, Trish obliged and they apparently had a romantic evening that we thankfully didn’t have to watch.
Since things were going so well, Rick thought it was the perfect time to tell Trish about his indiscretions with his ex-girlfriend. Needless to say, she was less than thrilled to hear that Tarzan had been poking around in another woman’s jungle during their 5 day hiatus. The confession ruined the romantic hotel experience…. 0 stars, would not recommend. Trish seemed adamant that she could no longer be with Rick, let alone continue on the next leg of their journey to visit her hometown and family. Literal trouble in paradise.

Laura & Beercan:

Laura and Beercan awoke, half dressed, from what I’m sure was yet another interesting night in Turkey. After last week’s meeting of the Friend’s Beercan, Laura had some lingering questions about how her lover was making ends meat. She decided to put all of that aside for the sake of sightseeing, as the two toured an ancient castle that would make the perfect setting for one of her romance novels. Instead of using her surroundings to inspire a new romance novel, Laura decided to use the time to discuss some of the bigger topics with Beercan, since they had hypothetically discussed marriage. He explained that pre-pandemic, he had opened his very own Shisha joint, even expanding to a second and then third location. After Covid, everything closed (Or…maybe he had smoked all of the shisha, unclear), leaving him with mountains of debt. So what was a Beercan to do??! He decided to roll the dice and develop a cute little gambling habit. Laura was shocked to hear Beercan had gambled away the $150 Valentine’s Day contribution she decided to send him, which he claimed was no big deal. He tried to rationalize his situation by claiming he only gambles away what he knows he can, and would never do that once he was in the U.S. with Laura’s money (Though….the whole Valentines Day money thing kind of disproved that theory). Laura was beginning to realize she should park Beercan at a shisha joint and spent the rest of her Turkey-time getting her plastic surgery, like everyone else.