The Last Resort; Season 2 Episode 13

This week kicked off with Darcey getting a little gym time in with “The Knob”, discussing her recent vaginal rejuvenation surgery (Rob didn’t discuss his. Too painful). Rob was under the impression he was listening to Stacey talk about her brand new vagina, when he realized it was her evil twin. Darcey explained the recent twIN-fighting, which involved Darcey and Florian being a little too chummy for Stace’s liking. Rob complained about Sophie for a while, until Jush showed up to add to the fun. He griped over Natalie’s psychosis, accidentally summoning her in the process. Natalie appeared in an all black workout outfit, jumping on the exercise bike next to Darcey, waiting only 3 seconds to rip into Josh for hurting and ignoring her. She maintained that Josh was “body shaming” her since he didn’t want to sleep together and catch her crazy cooties. Eventually Natalie left in a huff, while Josh kept to his exercise regime, smirking at Rob as he peddled.
Back in the honeymoon suite Stacey was looking a bit rough as she woke up in her fancy dress from the night before, hung over and begging Flo for an empanada (which I’m thinking might have actually been a croissant).

Jasmine was looking forward to her meeting with the sex therapist to rattle off her new idea for fixing her relationship; An open marriage. Luckily for Jasmine, the faux sex therapist also participates in an “Ethical Non Monogamous relationship”, which seems like a fancy way of saying she and her husband see other people and talk about it. Jasmine was thrilled to have found a way to validate having an affair, especially since it was backed by an “expert”.

Brandon and Julia met up with Fake Todd Chrisley to discuss their relationship and bring in The Parents Brandon. Julia feels like Mother Brandon (Betty) tries to compete with her constantly, while Brandon strongly disagrees. She also feels like her in-laws never take her side, and dote on their one and only golden child. Feeling unsupported, she decided to secretly apply for a Visa for her parents to come to the US. Julia conveniently failed to mention this to Brandon, as she had brought it up in passing and he felt it was a bad idea. Hearing this update made Brandon hurt and upset, as it seemed to him like Julia had a lot to hide lately. He started crying, blurting out to his parents the news that Julia had cheated on him, and fled the scene. Betty and Ron were left on the tv screen looking stunned, trying to get Julia to fill them in. It was hard to tell if they were all acting, but it was nice to see Betty and Ron in either case… it’s been so long.

Back in their forced joint hotel room, Ari was still complaining that Bini was only making eye contact with her for his shoshul medyuh passwords. Two therapists (The hypno lady and the TEMU Todd Chrisley) arrived on the scene to try and help the couple work through their issues. Ari finally came to terms with the fact that the relationship should just be over (Though it seems like it already was…), and Bini concurred. They realized they just needed to get a divorce, take care of their kid, and leave the resort (Not that we remembered they were there anyway). I’m personally hoping Bini does a backflip for the road.. Later on the un-couple did one last horrific wardrobe change before making their dramatic exit. Ari left in a cab, while Bini went back to talk to the rest of the crew. He thanked everyone for being so supportive, especially Gino, who had become his style icon (Bini now wears a fedora 24-7). The crew sat around complaining to one another for awhile, and that was a wrap. Can’t wait to see Gino freak out about the open marriage next week. Is it the Tell All yet?!?