The Last Resort; Season 2 Episode 12

After last week’s “primal scream” therapy, Stacey was complimenting Flo on his conflict resolution skills, which unfortunately only benefitted Natalie. FLOryda possessed a natural ability to tame the crazy eyed vixen, something he undoubtedly learned during his time with the Silvas. Stacey felt Flo-botomy should really be focusing his therapy skills on their own relationship, especially since Darcey was on way to play the villain.

Jasmine and Gino were back in their hotel room, where Gino finally let Jasmine know his secret regret from the hypnotherapy; He was truly sorry for playing butt bongos on the stripper’s butt during his bachelor party 300 years ago (Glad they left that one as as a cliff hanger last week!) Jasmine seemed to appreciate the apology, as she headed off to put on another “Fashion Nova” spandex ensemble for another group get together.

Gino later met up with the only qualified resident therapist (Florian) to go over his latest progress with Jasmine. He felt relieved having been able to stay in the same room together for 5 minutes without a huge outburst, but still didn’t seem to have any interest in reuniting biblically with the Panamaniac. Slow-Flo could not understand why Gino didn’t want to relieve some “tension”, as he sat there with his ever popular confused look on his face (Which is only slightly different from every other expression he makes).

Ariela cried via video chat to her sister over the fact that Biniyumyum can’t stand her, which seems to garner very little sympathy from anyone else, relative or not. Other than that, I forgot she was there.

Back in Julia’s room, she was joined by Jasmine and Stacey to discuss therapy and the latest progress. Julia confessed that Brandon had asked Gino if he planned on ever having sex with his wife again, to which the answer was the same as if he’d ever take off his hat- NO WAY. Jasmine told the girls that she refused to go the rest of her life without having sex, but still wanted to be married to Gino since she loved him (Or his horribly decorated townhouse). Her solution to the sexless marriage issue was to try an open marriage, and ;luckily, she had someone particular in mind… She confessed she had made an arrangement with her mysterious gym friend Matt (Who she had called a few episodes prior) to be friends with benefits. Without skipping a beat, Jasmine called Matt on video chat so she could pass the phone around and introduce him to the ladies. Jasmine spoke openly about her open marriage plans, which everyone knew would be a stepping stone for ditching Gino. Both Stacey and Julia tried to remain open to the idea for Jasmine’s sake, while knowing it was never going to work (though they agreed Matt was a bit of a Gino upgrade. The question is….how big is his hat???!)

Later on the couples all went to dinner, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the infamous Darcey. Josh and Natalie showed up looking especially miserable as Josh explained they were “taking a break” from squabbling, which really meant Natalie was going to sit there pouting until she inevitably exploded with a burst of nonsensical insults.Darcey finally arrived, absolutely exploding out of her clothes, with her broken hair and inflated face flapping in the breeze. She greeted the group before sitting down and getting right under Stacey’s skin.

Within minutes the twin fighting began, as Stacey decided she had enough and left the table. Darcey and Flo-Rida followed her back to the hotel room, where Stacey insisted that maybe they should just be together. (If memory serves me correctly….wasn’t the problem on their previous seasons that Darcey and Florian didn’t get along?? Pick a lane, Stace!)

There were no signs of Rob the Knob or Biniyam this week….Maybe they’re off in the desert somewhere flipping and sexting.