Before the 90 Days; Season 7 Episode 18:

Joey Baggadonuts & Liquid Hot MagMa:

Back in Polandia….. The duo packed their bags and headed to the “magic mountains” for a little countryside getaway. MagMa was looking forward to jumping into airbnb’s warm jacuzzi, which had to be manually heated by shoveling in wood (Kinda like a wood burning pizza oven, so Joey should have no problems. Ammiright?!? Fuggetabouddit!!). Though the two were getting along better (And by that, I mean Magma Almost smiled once…), Joey knew he had to try and ruin it by letting his hostile hot tubber know that he dated a friend of his 7 year ago. The next morning It seemed the jacuzzi was not the only thing that heated up… Joey finally gave MagNa the ole’ gabagool. She smiled her second smile of the season, but just long enough to now remind Joey this means they are basically engaged.
As the two giddily strolled throughout their day, sightseeing in the quaint Polish town, Joey finally came clean about his friendship with his ex. Of course this news didn’t go over well with MagMa, who did everything but instruct her dog Hades to bite off his “Pishadeel”. (I know what Joey’s family can get him for Christmas…a bottle of POLISH remover).

Faith & Leaky Loren:

After creeping Faith out last week, Loren claimed he hoped he’d get back into her good graces. Faith was immensely disturbed by Loren’s bizarre behavior in the hotel room, fearing for her life after witnessing him stabbing his hand with a butter knife. It was finally time for Loren to leave (As all of the Philippines gave a standing ovation) and he wanted to have one last face to face with Faith. She agreed to meet him outside of the hotel, keeping her eyes fixated on his questionable cut over his eyebrow as he gave her a weak apology for everything, including but not limited to the gonorrhea. Faith seemed to forgive Loren, claiming not to be mad about his general presence, as he returned to infect America with God knows what. (I personally would have slipped The Philippines a $20 to keep him).

Vanja & Boz-err….I mean, Josko:

It was finally time for Vanja’s Croatian Vacation to come to an end, as she was struggling with leaving her new found flame. Though she and the muscular Mr. Josko had spent the night together, they mostly just cuddled, instead of breaking her 6 year celibacy streak. Josko claimed he wanted to continue the relationship long distance and see where things went (Which ultimately amounts to lots of monotone phone conversations that are less exciting when you can’t see him in his short-shorts). The two had a romantic yet tearful goodbye at the airport, as Josko headed home to return to his “muscley single dad” status that all the ladies love.
Next we saw Vanja back in Orlando, gushing over her recent romantic house guest, none other than Josko. It seems that after 10 days he couldn’t stand being apart and booked a flight to visit. The two were getting along so well, even discussing what life would be like if he moved to the states and into Vanja’s pink palace. She was finally feeling secure and like things were going in a good direction, until he left, and sent her a “Dear Vanja” text (That’s the modern day update…) Vanja went to meet her cousin at the beach to discuss the apparent breakup, but of course was cut off by a commercial break, leaving us hanging until next week to figure out where it all went wrong. I’m guessing Josko didn’t want to wear pink booty shorts?! Hopefully he brought a nice house plant..

Niles & Matilda:

It was finally time for My Big Fat Ghanaian wedding, and Niles was sweating under the pressure. After having a bad phone call with his biological parents, he realized he was now on his own (Well, not completely..,he still had his new adopted dad, Mr. Arc). Niles tried not to let his old parents’ doubts affect him, as he got all dressed up- groom style. He was then met by Mr. & Mrs. Arc, who were there to school him on a little culture. Mr. Arc informed Niles about the wedding night, including which areas were an “entrance” and which were “exit only”, when it came to the bedroom, as Mrs. Arc stood by nodding and smiling (She doesn’t like the back door either. As far as the wooden hand goes, a lady never tells…). Niles took his seat in the Barney Rubble Wedding Hall (dirt floor and all), as the wedding guests poured in for the Ghana toga party. There was a lot of hoopin’ and hollerin’ as Matilda was paraded in for the ceremony, looking absolutely beautiful in her African “Blades of Glory” inspired dress. She carried her own personal hot-flash fan to keep her makeup in place, as she happily married the man of her dreams.
Niles managed to hold his own, despite the sensory overload, and claimed to be overjoyed having married the girl of his dreams. And it only cost him a bottle of Schnapps and a half dead chicken! What a bargain! The two headed back to their hotel room to consummate the marriage (One way only, of course). Mazel tov, to the happy couple! I definitely got them a toaster, but made sure to write “Property of NILES AND MATILDA AND NOT MR. ARC” on it (I feel like he’d somehow try and stake his claim to it as father of the groom.

Sunny & OyVey-Ha:

After 45 conversations about Veah not converting to Islam, the two decided to have one last romantic outing before inevitably breaking up. Sunny took her to a beautiful waterfall where they managed not to fight for 15 minutes. He then gave her a whole speech about how “special” she was (Only he meant it in a nice way…when I say it, I mean it in a “You sound like a muppet” kinda way). He then pulled out an engagement ring and proposed, which we all know will wind up going nowhere. Veah wanted to rub it in someone’s tiny face, which of course meant none other than Father Sunny. Of course this made regular Sunny squirm thinking of telling his father he planned to go against his wishes, but it looks like we’ll get to witness that fight next week. There is no way they’re getting married. She’ll run away at least 3 more times before the season is finished.