Before the 90 Days; Season 7 Episode 17

Vanja & NoMore Bozo, add some Josko:

After a whirlwind first date, Vanja was grinning with excitement for date number two. She met up with Josko at a rooftop hot tub, where he could display his short-shorts once again. After a little makeout session, Vanja revealed her 6 year dry spell/ vow of celibacy. Josko seemed confused (Or maybe that was just his face), as he felt Vanja was a beautiful girl who could have her pick of any man in hot pants that may cross her path. She was smitten with the Croatian Cassanova, and invited him to display all of his many muscles privately, back at her apartment.
The following morning, the two cuddled up in bed discussing their magical night of intimacy….which somehow didn’t interfere with her macrame chastity belt. They decided to make the most of the day, since it was her last in town, and took a hike to a beautiful Croatian castle in the middle of the “voods” (As Natalie would say). Josko brought up his random adopted baby, feeling like Vanja would make a wonderful random adoptive mother. She was a bit overwhelmed, having had a fiance with a child in the past, and had been devastated when things didn’t work out. Josko held her in his muscular hairy man arms as she wept, unsure of where to go from here, especially since she was due back in Florida the next day.
Luckily Josko was able to get a sitter on short notice so he could spend the rest of Vanja’s trip with her, even managing to drop her off at the airport. The two cried as they embraced, vowing to try and make things work long distance (That’s going to involve a lot of Facetime chats in his tighty-whiteys…..)

JoeyBaggadonuts & Liquid Hot MagMa:

It was time to meet MamaMagma, as Joey hit up the bakery for an impressive pastry to really wow his toughest critic. He seemed confident that Mag’s-Mah would be his biggest fan in no time, especially given the rather large floral arrangement he brought her. Of course MagNa already spoiled her mom’s impression of Joe, as she told her of the “cheating” scandal when the two first began talking. He tried hard to communicate with his future inlaw via the Jihoon translator app, but she was proving to be a tough nut to crack. Mother Magma wasted no time asking about the cheating scandal, putting Joey in the hot seat. After some back and forth translation, Joey Boombots seemed to win her over, though it seemed Mom-Duh had her doubts.
Since Joey had now completed ⅔ of his Polish checklist, it was time for the final stretch; MagMa took him to the beach to check out his volleyball form. As they volleyed and served, Joey asked a lot of questions pertaining to MagNa’s thoughts on dating friends/ colleagues. Of course this was only to feel out the subject of being friends with an ex, which was something he felt the need to tell her about, since he neglected to inform the drill sergeant that he had formerly dated his friend Jill, 7 years before. Fangool!

Sunny & OyVey-Ha:

After the disastrous “Meet the Father” dinner, Sunny and Veah decided to take a vacation within their vacation to a fancy resort in the African countryside. They were giddy upon seeing their romantic hotel room, making suggestive comments about “messing up the bed” (As if they’d be able to resist fighting long enough…). It was just then, that a swarm of angry primates stormed the couples’ balcony, carrying them off to the trees where they were never to be seen or heard from again.
Just kidding. They fought about Veah converting to Islam for 10 minutes. (I like my version better).

Faith & Leaky Loren:

The newly engaged couple got all dressed up to go visit an immigration lawyer and discuss their options for their next step. Loren (Who was dressed like he was going on his first Mormon mission trip) proudly divulged his Thailand elopement plan to the lawyer, feeling hopeful that this could be his ticket to PhilipeenyWeeny time. The lawyer let him know that same sex marriage was not legal in Thailand, and a simple google search may have saved everyone an hour of their lives. Basically the lawyer crushed all of his Phillilady-peen dreams, leaving marrying Mother Faith as the only other option (I wonder if she likes magic….)
Determined to make the most of their last night together, Faith and Loren went back to their romantic hotel room, where they attempted to enjoy a fancy chocolate dessert. Faith tried her hand at seduction, wearing a tight-fitting dress, but Loren seemed “Off”, more so than usual. He sat in his chair, staring blankly as he crushed his soda can against his head. Faith felt like his behavior was odd, even for him, but was actually frightened when he began hitting his hand with a butter knife. She jumped up, leaving the hotel room, and claimed to be scared for her life. Despite all of his romantic attempts to win Faith over during his stay, Loren seemed unphased by their dramatic ending, only hours before his departure. Faith dodged a nasty bout of gonorrhea, as well as a potential buttering (with the dangerous butter knife).

Tigerlily & Adenoids:

It was the couple’s last day together, and they miraculously are still alive after eating their soupy Thanksgiving slop. They were both hopeful that they had conceived baby Andonymous on this visit, as they had worked very hard to achieve the goal. T-Lily tried to bring up the fact that they may not be able to have a baby, or multiple babies, due to her age, but might be able to look into other options. Adnan agreed, and pointed out the whole “multiple wife” clause in his religion. Lucky for T-Lily, he confirmed he didn’t want to be with anyone else, and would maybe try a rent-a-womb situation, if need be. But as luck would have it, we saw a video T-Lil’ posted once she was stateside, proudly holding up a positive pee stick. Mazel tov to the new parents-to-be! I’m sure Adnan will throw a hell of a gender reveal party when the time comes!