Before the 90 Days; Season 7 Episode 16

Brian & Ingrid:

After their fight last week, Ingrid had fled the scene, crying as she ran. Brian was proud of himself for offending Ingrid to the point of no return (Or as he calls it “Being true to himself”), accusing her of using him for a free crappy beach trip and the possibility of changing his catheter bags in the U.S. Ingrid went back to her hotel room (That Brian reminded everyone he had paid for) to pack her things, as she finally realized the relationship was completely pointless (I could have spared her a few episodes…) Brian rolled on over to say goodbye, managing to squeeze out a tear for effect as he reassured Ingrid she hadn’t done anything wrong. She stared back as he spoke, somewhat getting upset over losing the person she thought Brian was (aka Nice guy in a wheelchair who likes to buy kids remote control cards), but quickly remembered she was really just losing an ex drug dealer/addict who lies about his age and multiple divorces and shall I mention one more time….the catheter bag.
As Brian headed off towards the airport, he seemed to reflect back on his most recent relationship, chalking its failure up to Ingrid just not being “the one”. He should really roll by something shiny for a little “self reflection” if he ever wants to meet the nursemaid of his dreams.

Faith & Leaky Loren:

After getting over last week’s dispute, Loren had a great plan: Time for jailhouse tattoos!! He had a whole ink/baby wipe set up back in his lone hotel room where he asked Faith to make her mark on his arm and risk getting Hepatitis B (Another illness of the wh0re$). Faith giggled awkwardly as she stuck and poke her artwork into Loren’s creepy skin, only stopping briefly to kiss him and solidify her mouth gonorrhea (You’re on your own now, Faith. We all warned you).

Since the trip was winding down and things were finally going in a positive direction, Loren decided he would try a proposal. Of course because he can’t do anything normally, he went to a magic shop, hoping to incorporate one of the illusions into his grand gesture(He should have asked the magician for a magic spell to make the gonorrhea disappear….) He then took Faith to a park, where they sat down to have a picnic. As she sipped wine in the open air, Loren started discussing their relationship, eventually pulling out a ring attached to one of the magic tricks. Faith seemed to freeze up, as I’m sure she knew that this would be a bad idea, but Loren continued blabbing on about agreeing to get married so they could continue this trip and make all of her wildest dreams come true. She eventually said yes, as the two awkwardly made out on the picnic blanket.
Now that they were officially “fiancés”, Loren was hoping they could go back to to the hotel for a different type of “stick/poke”, which seemed confusing and technical, given their sexual preferences. After discussing that in a little too much detail, we saw previews for next week start to take a bad turn. What could a bad turn for Loren even mean at this point?? Can he just be gone…arrhea already?!

Niles & Matilda:

Niles was on edge this week as it was finally the big wedding day, and he was unprepared. After having a disappointing phone call with his biological American parents (Who felt like the whole “Ghana bride” thing sounded like a big scam and weren’t supportive), he went to see his new adoptive father, Mr. Arc.
It seemed Mr. Arc was a little power hungry with the whole “new father” title, instructing Niles that he was not to make a move without getting Father Dearest’s permission (Including when to sit, stand, speak, or look at his wooden hand). After discussing some of the wedding traditions, Niles finally asked his proud papa for a raise in his allowance so he could afford the wedding, merely hours away. Mr. Arc was very concerned about Niles’ financial situation, but agreed to front the money for the wedding to ensure his son’s happiness. After all, a parent would do anything for their child, even if that child has only been theirs for 26 hours….Give this man a round of applause! (Using both of your hands…..)

Tigerlily & Adenoids:

The Adnanas were throwing a big Thanksgiving bash for his family, with Tigerlily at the helm of the stove. She wanted to make sure that everything was perfect for her cooking debut (But no one would know otherwise, since the whole crowd were Thanksgiving newbies). T-Lily whined her way around the kitchen, trying to figure out the Turkish appliances for her turkey toilings, while Adnan scrolled through his phone, making himself completely useless.
Finally the guests arrived, as Mother and Brother Adenoids had flown in for Jordan to see the couple. Adnan greeted them warmly, while Tigerlily peered on from under her heavy lashes in the kitchen. The chef du jour sat down at the table with her guests, presenting a feast of foreign looking substances floating in muddy sauces. Luckily Brother Adnan was into the whole inception of Turkey thing (aka eating turkey while in Turkey) as he chowed down on the festive slop. Mother Adnan expressed her interest in the couple making a little “bonbon” (aka A baby), which the couple assured her they were working on. Adnan also told mommy dearest that he would make sure to visit her once a month as soon as he moved to the US and opened up his mobile cellular mall kiosk, which was news to Tigerlily. Hopefully the baby they make turns out less mushy-looking than the Thanksgiving offerings.

Sunny & OyVey-ha:

Well,….. they lived through the safari last week, unfortunately, and it was now time to buy some underwear off of a blanket from a street vendor (Which actually sounds more dangerous than the safari). With Rory on his flight back to the U.S., Sunny and Veah were now all alone as they strolled hand in hand around the local marketplace. They were hoping to find a more conservative outfit that would hide her tattoos since they were about to have dinner with Father Sunny. Veah reluctantly agree to wear a more traditional purple outfit that went down to her wrists, complaining all the while that it wasn’t her typical style (Which has been ill-fitting tank tops and low slung pants).
They met up with Papa Sunny at a small restaurant, where he wasted no time interrogating his son’s new prospect. Though Father Sunshine was small (his face a mere 3” both vertically and horizontally like a little Lego), he seemed to pack a punch. Father Sunny commented on Veah’s religion, the idea of her converting, and his condemnation of her poorly concealed tattoos. Veah tried to flatly respond to his harsh critiques, but instead decided to get up abruptly and leave, fleeing the scene (Which was very on-brand for her). Sunny stayed to finish his questionable looking chicken wings, as he felt embarrassed that Veah had acted so disrespectfully in front of his very traditional father. He finally realized that he would not be able to make a future with anyone who was not Muslim or willing to convert (Though I’m pretty sure sleeping with someone you just met off of the internet who you’d been watching shower on video chat for a year was not in Moo-hammit’s teachings….Dinyell’s Moohamit, as well as the prophet. If ya know, ya know). At least Veah’s future children might have a chance of having two eyebrows now that this relationship is most likely over….

Joey Baggadonuts & Liquid Hot MagMa:

MagNuh was still mad at Joey for not wanting to run off to the chapel just yet, but she forgave him for the sake of the day’s plans. The two set off towards a little beach in her hometown, where they stopped for a picnic of fancy champagne with cotton candy and raspberries (Very Instagram worthy). As they sipped their fancy drinks, Magma chatted away expressionless about her parents and their divorce, as she explained that her dad was no longer in her life. Joey tried to use this to reiterate his point that they needed to wait to get engaged/married, being that neither of them would want to wind up divorcing if they hadn’t thought things through. Magda hesitated, but finally agreed, as the two finished off their picnic with Magda’s dead-eyed stare. Previews for next week show Joey Boombots meeting Mother MagMa and getting put on front street as they openly discuss his non-cheating scandal.