90 Day Fiancé- Before the 90 Days; Season 7 Episode 12:

Sunny & OyVey-Ha:

Sunny and VeyHa were sitting in bed, discussing their sultry evening of consummation in the most annoying voices possible. Since Sunny was in such a great post-coital mood, Veah thought it would be a great time to tell him she had made plans for them to hang out with Rory. Sunny was nervous and still feeling uncomfortable about having her ex hanging around, but nevertheless agreed.
As they rode in the cab to the meet spot, Sunny went back and forth making up scenarios in his head about what could possibly happen. Veah tried to reassure him that everything would be fine, but his anxiety had already peaked, so much so that his eyebrows almost temporarily separated.
They finally arrived at the pool hall where Sunny immediately got a pool stick, probably assessing which male suitor’s stick was bigger. He then made passive aggressive small talk before jumping into the big question of why exactly Rory-Claus was coming to town. Rory explained that he was merely helping Veah travel safely, since she’s prone to panic attacks and only knows how to use Apple Pay. Sunny tried to reassure him that he could take over from there, but his growing anger was cause for concern. They went back and forth, getting more heated before Sunny took off down the street, with Veah chasing him, screaming “Sunny. Wait.” In her Kermit the Frog-esque voice. Can’t we go sightseeing? I’m so over this whole storyline, and all 4 of these characters (Veah, Rory, Sunny, and the one single eyebrow).

Joe & Magda:

After leaving us in suspense last week, production was finally able to get in touch with Joe, who claimed he had overslept (and somehow missed all of the calls, texts, and doorbell ringing, etc). He greeted them at the door with a suspicious white substance all over his face, as he cluelessly claimed not to have packed a single thing. He took production upstairs to his bedroom so they could watch him shove his entire wardrobe, including kimonos, into his bag, hoping he’d make it to the airport in time. With only 2.5 hours to go, the producers finally wrangled him into the car, making him call Magda to let her know he was en route……That was, until he realized he forgot his passport. I think the word in Italian is… Coglione?? (That’s “testicle”, Kenny, but it’s slang for ”Idiot”. I can’t keep doing this….in multiple languages, none the less). The car spun around so Joe could retrieve his passport, barely making it to the airport with 2 hours to spare instead of the recommended 3 for an international flight. He somehow whipped through security and scooted off towards the gate within minutes of departure. Fongool!

Meanwhile back in Poland we got to meet Mag-Duh (Not “MagMa”, as Joe repeatedly pronounced it), who was busy hanging out with the King Of Hell (No, not Joey just yet…her dog, Hades). She explained how she hung up her job as a prison guard to dedicate her life to moving to America to become “The Wife Joe”. She went over to her mother’s house to discuss the upcoming visit and let her know her concerns about Joe, given he had cheated on her when the two first began their video chat relationship. Mother Magda (Which sounds like someone from the Catholic Church) reminded her daughter not to repeat history, as she had previously picked up her life and moved to Germany after dating someone for 3 months.
Later at the baggage claim of the Krakow airport, Joe finally emerged to a very nervous Magda. The two seemed to hit it off right away, with Joe really blowing Magda’s hair and skirt back, (Literally, since their first hug wound up hiking up her skirt and she mooned everyone at the airport). I guess we’ll have to see where this one will go, though I’m already exhausted from the other 72 ridiculous couples this season…

Brian & Ingrid:

Brian popped back up out of the bowels of 90 Day, just when I’d almost forgotten about him. He stopped over to Ingrid’s house to bribe her 2 year old with yet another remote control car he was too young to play with, while the two went for a little mini vacay to the beaches of Recife, Brazil. Brian was hoping the beachside retreat would gain him brownie points, especially after the disastrous “Meet the Parent” lunch date last time. Ingrid insisted on getting her own hotel room to have some privacy, and probably to avoid another catheter situation.
Their first outing on their Recife consisted of a bike ride, where Ingrid rode the bike and Brian hitchhiked by holding onto a strap. After a little bicycle-skiing, the two stopped to get a drink and discuss the direction of their relationship. Brian was hoping Ingrid would be able to come to the US and visit to see if the two had a future together. He was straightforward, letting her know he was looking for a partner who could in reality be his caretaker, which was an immediate “No Gracias”. She admitted the whole Brian situation was very difficult, but for some reason she was really attracted to his “positive energetic personality”. Ingrid….get a golden retriever and let Brian roll off into the sunset.

Vanja & Bozo:

Vanja was on a video call with her cousin back home, recounting her Croatian tour thus far including Bozo’s friend-zoning. The two speculated that he may be back together with his ex, as he was known to be a bit hot and cold during the time of their online courtship. Vanja remained optimistic that the relationship could progress, seeing as how Bozo wanted to introduce her to his band of fellow clowns, which she took as a good sign. She hemmed and hawed over her outfit, which of course was pink, as the two head off arm in arm to meet the crew.
The friends Bozo seemed to feel Vanja was out of his league, and asked outright if the two had any chemistry. Bozo told them he was feeling more chemistry in person, which was news to Vanja, who was checking her calendar to see if it was “opposite day”. The topic of Bozo’s ex-girlfriend came up, and he made it known that the two had not been in contact, as she had moved on with someone else. Things took a turn when it seemed the Bozo crew were on Vanja’s side, agreeing that the Bozo should spend quality time with Vanja in the apartment to see where things go. Bozo was so put off that he suggested she spend more alone time in Croatia, which hopefully involves throwing his dumpster plant at his head. Poor Vanja should go back on the dating app and find a new clown…this one is extra annoying.

RayNay & ChidiChidiNoBang Bang:

After a disappointing final meeting with Chidi, RayNay was finally off to the airport to end her journey and prospect of romance. Chidi claimed he was sad about the whole experience, while his sister beamed ear to ear. After all was said and done, Raynay was hopeful she may meet another special someone someday, but most likely not on this planet. (Though I’d expect aliens to have great vision, which would make them less appealing). Rumor has it that these two weren’t invited to the Tell All because of RayNay’s outlandish behavior, which is basically the entire point of having a Tell All. Come on, 90 Day…..give the people what they want.

Leaky Loren & Faith:

Loren was back this week with a stupid shirt and tie combination as he prepared to meet The Family Faith. They all sat down for dinner inside the family home, as Mother Faith began to interrogate her dinner guest. Loren (Who was displaying his culinary snobbery while awkwardly shoveling food into his annoying face) claimed to love Faith, and flat out explained that he only dates trans women (It seems he could have the pick of the family, as Sister Faith was really former Brother Faith too). Over all the family deceptively accepted Loren, with Mother Faith even dubbing him “Handsome” (I wonder if she was ever hit in the head by an apple or hit it on the corner of a desk…)
The next day Faith decided she needed alone time with her sisters, leaving Leaky Loren alone to eat weird things by his creepy self. Faith’s sisters questioned why Loren was put in the Vanja “friendzone” category, as she had formerly said the two were dating. She confessed that he had been contaminated with “The illness of the wh0re$”, leaving her with the tough decision to either cut him loose or risk her own personal leakage. Faith’s former brother-turned-sister, Bea, encouraged her to fight for the relationship with the freaky foreigner, as she felt there were slim pickins in the Philippines for the “ladyboys”. Faith felt she should be allowed to have some dignity, as well as trying to avoid becoming leaky for the sake of love, though, she did seem to consider sticking things out. All of this and he hasn’t even mentioned his hatred of monogamy yet…. Faith is going to get a gonorrhea parting gift when he leaves, I just know it.