90 Day Fiancé; Before the 90 Days, Season 7 Episode 4

Brian & Ingrid:

It was the morning after last week’s catheter demonstration, and Brian shockingly announced he did not get lucky. He asked Ingrid if the whole wheelchair thing was a bit too much, clearly missing the point that HE was a bit too much in general. Ingrid politely told him that everything was still new, and she needed time to adjust…. To catheters. Ingrid questioned if Brian had been honest about his capabilities, seeing as how he was trying to make her his aide within the first 3 hours.

The two headed out towards Ingrid’s hometown where she planned to introduce him to her friends, but not family. As they drove on (with the hand levers that I’m hoping Ingrid installed correctly), she tried to explain that her father would not be in attendance for the welcome wagon, since he’s “Ignorante” (That’s “ignorant” Kenny, and it’s basically everyone on this show, and me for watching it). In an attempt to size up her father’s perspective, Brian asked his age, and was surprised it was close to his own (51). This of course was a shock, since Ingrid distinctly remembered his dating profile stating he was 43 years old, two years ago when they first began talking. Brian reminded her that he had mentioned she was the same age as his daughter, which didn’t help the cause. The next uncomfortable topic of conversation during this dreadful car ride was about his elusive “carjacking” story. Apparently said “jacking” (the one that paralyzed him, not the one that helps put in the catheter), was not a random act of violence as he had made it seem. It seems that Brian and his wife at the time (Wife #2) were drug dealers/users, who had a falling out. He claimed that once he told her he wanted to clean up his act and quit the family business, his ex ordered the car jacking, which led to him being shot and paralyzed.

Ingrid was speechless, trying to absorb all of this new information which of course was never previously mentioned in their 2 year online courtship. She was immediately turned off by the drug addict factor, claiming to now worry that Brian could possibly fall back into addiction or a life of crime. He somehow felt it was unfair that she was thinking the worst, especially since he had been so forthcoming with her about all of his…..oh wait, no he wasn’t. The two finally reached their hotel and Ingrid was fast to get her landlegs back. She seemed to want some alone time to try and process everything, while Brian took himself for a dip in the hotel pool, somewhat unbothered. Ingrid needs to make her getaway plan before catheter night #2.

Tigerlily & Adenoids:

It was finally time for the wedding reception, as the newlywed couple (who’ve never had a serious conversation) prepared to look their best. Tigerlily’s built in glam squad set up in one of the enormous hotel suite’s many rooms, as the videographers began to arrive. Of course because they were both men, Tigerlily was already worried about Adnonomys’s reaction, seeing as how she is his “prized possession”. The glamsquad tried to point out that this might be a sign of controlling behavior, which was the root cause of her previous big divorce, but Tigerlily didn’t seem concerned…because he’s like, so cute. In the boys’ room, Adenoids was getting groomed for the 50th time while his brothers and friends shouted our random sexual advice that sounded like rumors from the middle school locker room.

Meanwhile, T-Lily was confused on the official “rules” of whether or not she could be alone with the male videographer. She insisted that her female glamsquad member (Who seems to love to abuse the Beachwaver Iron) remain in the room until he was done taking video of her expressionless face staring in the mirror. Finally the last finishing touches were put on her Rapunzel-esque extensions, as Tigerlily got into her dress to meet Adenoids for their first look. She showered him with compliments as the two kissed for all of the cameras to see. Haram! I mean….congratulations! (I will not be buying them a toaster for their wedding, because I feel like the marriage might be over before the toast is ready).

Loren & Faith:

On their first official morning together, Faith knocked upon Loren’s separate hotel room door so they could get going on the day’s adventures. Faith suggested that Loren head to the front desk to convert his money to the local Pesos (Yes Kenny, that’s the same thing as Mexico, very good!), only to find out that he was handing over a mere $46. They headed over to a local marketplace where Faith hoped Loren wouldn’t spend his entire allowance in one place. He very generously tried showering Faith with gifts, since Loren was convinced that $46 USD made him a millionaire in the Philippines. Though she appreciated the thoughtfulness, Faith took his spendthrift ways as a bit of a red flag (lost in the sea of many red flags).

Later that night Loren got himself all dolled up to go meet Mama DING (Whos is Faith’s second mother, not a cutesy name for one of her body parts). Mama D was conveniently located in a storage unit of the hotel, which made for an easy commute. The three sat down to chat amongst her bunk bed and hotel supplies to eat her closet cuisine (Which was still way better than Loren’s bathroom shrimp, which IS a cutesy name for his body part). Mama Ding wanted to know Loren’s plans for the relationship with Faith. He felt this would be a good time to reveal his intention of moving to the Philippines, especially since he was currently homeless in the US. Of course this was cause for alarm for Mama Ding, who was worried about Loren’s intentions with Faith from the get-go, but Faith seemed to take the news as a show of honesty and vulnerability. Though she was hoping to come to the U.S., she entertained the idea of being together in her homeland, and quite possibly having to move into the laundry room, until he dropped yet another bombshell.

After MamaDingDining, the two went back to the hotel room where Loren revealed they couldn’t kiss or be intimate. Apparently he had just received an email from a former recent fling that they had contracted “gonorrhea of the throat”, which recently was latched onto his Papa Ding. He felt the message must be true, especially since his member had been looking a bit “weepy” lately, describing in full detail some of his symptoms. Faith immediately pointed out the obvious fact that he had been cheating on her, which he seemed to ignore as he awkwardly stood there smiling with a weepy-willy. Faith needs to get some Purell and kick this bum out of the hotel, before she gets a disease and I leave a bad Yelp review.

Niles & Matilda:

This week we met yet another character, Niles Valentine, a 27 year old Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast from Mobile, Alabama. He explained his childhood difficulties growing up with Autism and really really awkward hair. Niles works as a peer counselor, and likes to greet each and every coworker with the exact same cheesy daily greeting multiple times a day. Though he figured love was not an option for him, that all changed when Niles met Matilda on Facebook.

Matilda is a 23 year old woman from Ghana, who claimed to love and except Niles for the quirky individual that he is. He told a group of coworkers about her plans for the two to wed during their first trip, which of course left them with concern. He admitted to feeling nervous and hesitant about jumping into a marriage, but feared upsetting Matilda and losing her for good. During their evening video chat (Which consisted of a lot of awkward staring and repetition), Niles tried to gently tell Matilda that he may not want to rush into things on the trip, though she had already started sending out the invitations and picked out curtains. I feel these two should provide sufficient entertainment this season, they’re promising.

Sunny & OyVey-Ha:

Veah came home from a busy day as a physical therapist and decided to unwind with a relaxing shower. She agreed to leave the video chat on so Sunny could watch her get Zest fully clean, as the two giggled and chatted about their upcoming trip. Sunny explained that his parents are older and religious, and had hoped he would marry a nice Muslim girl. Though they had never discussed it before, Sunny mentioned that Vey-huh may want to convert, just to make things easier, which was going to be an issue. One chapter in Ve-Yuh’s troubled childhood included living with a foster family who appeared to be Menonnites, which caused her to shy away from demanding religions. And bonnets….. And butter churns. Later on, Veah met up with her ex boyfriend/ travel buddy Rory to prepare for their upcoming trip to South Africa. She explained the deep closeness she and Rory shared, as they had dated for two years in which she got pregnant and lost the baby, and her brother was killed (This girl must have walked under a few ladders and broken a few mirrors in her day. One tragedy after the next). After dropping off her tiny pet chihuahua at the pet sitter (her pride and joy), she admitted to Rory she hadn’t told Sunny about her plus one tagging along. Rory couldn’t believe Veah thought this was a good idea, but wanted to see South Africa and knew he’d be getting a free plane ticket from Sharp Entertainment. Honestly, I think this couple is annoying and their storyline sucks. I’d much rather watch a made for tv movie about this girl’s crazy life experiences, primarily in the Mennonite phase, over her facetuned relationship with this guy who she obviously won’t be with.