90 Day Fiance; The OTHER Way, Season 6 Episode 12

Shekinah & The Sarper Image:

Now that they were back in business, Sarper felt the need to make a big romantic gesture to Shekinah to prove his commitment. He opened the trunk of his car, revealing his infamous “bottle collection”, all loaded up into garbage bags for a ceremonious disposal. He presented Shekinah with safety glasses and gloves, as the two proceeded to smash all of his trophies, symbolically “shattering” his former “bad boy” status (Only 2 types of people have safety goggles and garbage bags in the backs of their cars….Serial Killers and Sarper). After every bottle had been lobbed, he lit a fire and revealed the final sacrifice; His little (but kind of big) black book. Shekinah as moved by the grandiose gestures, but still maintained that they would not be able to slip back into their cohabitation until he attended regular therapy (Not just smash therapy).

Next thing ya know the two were heading out to get their heads shrunk (Not lips or boobs. Never shrink the lips or boobs). The former playboy worried that the therapy appointment could tarnish is “Sarper Image”, but agreed to go to appease Shekinah so she would move back in, because pulling hair extensions is so maach fun. During the session he admitted one of his biggest insecurities was fearing that Shekinah didn’t love him enough and would eventually leave him (That, and losing his glorious plastic hair. Top 2 insecurities). The therapist did her best to help the plastic people resolve their issues, but she too most likely had a bottle named after her (Sarper is the talk of Turkey).

Sean & Me……and Joanne.

Back in Ireland, things were going well for the unsuspecting blended family, who were somehow blind to the fact that they were being blended. Joanne’s eldest son took charge, as the couple and Joanne’s friend Noelle went out to the pub for a pint. Noelle questioned Sean, wondering where he felt the relationship was going as well as where they all planned to live in the future. It was getting harder and harder for the couple to conceal their secret marriage so they decided to finally break the news.

Sean planned a sexy tour of a castley place (which was only sexy because of the party planner), and a nice little session of tea and scrumpets. As they dined on things that did not look anywhere near as appealing as New York bagels and/or pizza, Joanne finally dropped the bomb that the two had been married for 2 years. Everyone seemed shocked, especially Noelle, who feels like her title of “best friend” generally puts her in the know of all of the happenings of Joanne’s life. Neither one of Joanne’s sons seemed to be taking the news easily, as one questioned how she could possibly be hiding something so important for so long, while the other just ate his feelings. Sean’s daughter little Bella Rose began to tear up, unsure of what to say, since she wanted me to be her stepmother (I promise I play Barbies and french braid WAY better than Joanne…) Looks like next week’s topic is “location, location, location”.

Benson & Stabler:

Back on the misery boat…. Statler was still in the midst of her panic attack, though Dempsey had reached the end. She had a hard time coping with Statler’s constant mood swings and anxiety breakdowns. Statler tried to talk herself through the ordeal, assuring Dempsey the mood had almost passed while simultaneously snapping at her for being mad that she had ruined a perfectly good afternoon….again. Dempsey felt like Statler was generally pretty miserable and displeased with all of their recent happenings, and it was really starting to affect her. She began to suggest that maybe the two should take a break, which only ramped up Statler’s mental breakdown once again. Statler is starting to affect my moods now too. I may need to rewatch Sean to regain my positive mindset…

Lily & Josh:

Back in the elevatored dollhouse, Lily and Josh were preparing their new marital bedroom by changing to red sheets. Lily explained that it was Chinese tradition for a new couple to have red sheets on their bed when they were ready to consummate their marriage. This was her slick was of segueing nicely into bringing up the fact that the two hadn’t been intimate since Josh’s big move to China. He apologized for his lack of libido, citing his jet lag and case of the sniffles as the reasoning. Lily wanted to be reassured that Josh “wanted her body”, which she felt shy in asking, and was happy to hear that he was hoping to consecrate the new red sheets sooner than later. I can’t even imagine how awkward that pillow talk must be….. Looking forward to their big fat China wedding, which will hopefully happen soon, because it’s like episode 12 already.