Love in Paradise; Season 4 Episode 10

Kyle & Ani:

This week opened with Kyle sniffing his gym socks before packing up to leave Malta for London. Since their big fight last week, Kyle and Ani hadn’t spoken, though they were hoping to get together one more time before he was off to spread little Kyles elsewhere.
They sat down to talk, which immediately took a turn in the wrong direction. Kyle accused Ani of cheating on him with her ex boyfriend, suggesting that if she were pregnant after their one night of passion together, the baby would be of her ex’s sperm donation (not his quality specimens). Ani ran off, claiming that the problem in their relationship was Kyle’s baby makin’ addiction, dubbing him as “crazy”. 
Back at her apartment, Ani was hanging out with her son, feeling glad she never introduced him to the Sperminator. She held out hope that she might meet a new sperm donor one day who would make her his one and donation.
Kyle was pretty optimistic about the breakup, since it was allowing him to get a jump start on his travel to London and fit a 10:30am donation slot in to really optimize conception, according to his client’s cycle. Hopefully someone out there can appreciate his attention to detail and personal mission for repopulating the world. 

 

 

Alex & Adriano:

Alex continued her breakup speech…. on a boat (worst idea ever), while Adriano stared back blankly. He tried to back peddle his threesome comment in regards to Alex’s cousin Tiffany (but only if she was serious about being offended, because if she wasn’t….game on). Alex confessed that she had been lying to herself about being happy in the relationship for the sake of living her best “Under the Tuscan Sun” fantasy, but it was finally ready to face the music. She clung to her fuzzy sweatshirt as she shriek-cried over the breakup, but knew it was the right decision.

The next day, Adriano came over to return the rest of Alex’s things before she high-tailed it out of Italia. The two seemed to have an amiable ride to the train station, before embracing with an emotional goodbye. Alex claimed to want to take a break from the dating scene for awhile, but was hoping to travel as much as possible and keep her eyes peeled for her next fairytale RomCom romance.

Adriano….. Is probably out begging people for threesomes. Three-way phone calls. Three Amigos (That’s “friends”, Kenny)… Basically anything involving the rule of “3”. 

 

 

Luke & Madeleine:

Madeleine was sporting her “smart people” glasses and no bra as she shoved a snack in her face in the middle of the street. It was almost time for Luke to return to the US, and she worried about when and if he would come back. Luke assured her that he’d boomerang back in his furry jacket in no time, though he admitted to the cameras privately that his big return depended on the success of his innovative eyewear line. He then asked Madeleine once more to sign the prenup agreement, so they would be able to move forward with their eventual teen-dream wedding. Eventually she agreed to “Sigh-Nuh thuh Preenoop”, and the two finally seemed to be getting along once again.

Back at the apartment, Madeleine was feverishly working her “RoobexCoob” while her inbred pooch paced anxiously on the bed watching “Loouk” pack. Before he left, Madeleine surprised him with a “hand casting kit” so the two could immortalize her talons intertwined with his hands for all eternity. They struggled to mix the compound to the correct consistency, and eventually wound up making a giant mess with nothing but the best intentions (Which Luke felt was a perfect representation of their relationship).

He finally headed out towards the airport, as Madeleine yelled to him from her window, blowing kisses with her sharp claws, before returning to her princess apartment and playing with her giant stuffed animals. I think she was my favorite this season. 

 

 

Shawn & Doughillyah:

Before Shawn was ready to head back to the US, he accompanied Alliyah to the plastic surgeon for a consultation. Alliyah was hoping to add a few new curves to her silhouette as well as softening the man-bone in her face (Which is ironically not called the MANdible). The surgeon examined her thong-clad body, feeling that he’d be able to help her be the next Kardashian in no time (I wonder if I slip him a $20, would he remove that awful hair?!). 

Shawn worried that Alliyah’s procedures may be too drastic, and he might not be attracted to her once she got rid of the remnants of Douglas for good. He tried to advise against the surgery, fearing that she’d want to do even more once she really got going, but Alliyah had made up her mind. 

Later that night, the couple packed up their hotel room as Shawn was getting ready to head home. He admitted that they had finally consummated their relationship for the first time this go-around as “Shawn & Alliyah”, though he didn’t look thrilled. Alliyah was also a little skeptical of the relationship and whether or not Shawn was still keeping things “open-ended” upon his return. 

I hope there is a Tell All for this season, and if there is, I hope both Angela and Brother John are hosting, because they’d both have a lot of questions for Shawn.