Love in Paradise; Season 4 Episode 9

Luke & Madeleine:

Back at the “glamping resort”…
Luke and Madeleine were wearing matching fuzzy bear costumes as they sat down for a drink and discussion over the cheating scandal. Madeleine maintained that nothing had happened with the drunken man that slept in her bed, while Luke continued to try and get her to squeeze out an apology. Madeleine refused, as she smugly sipped her alcoholic concoction in her furry outfit, because she’s 19.

The next morning, Luke and Madeleine decided to try and salvage the rest of their trip by reluctantly going on a boat excursion. Luke was hoping that Madeleine would express some form of empathy for her wrongdoings, which she ultimately did, under a bit of duress. Luke spoke to her like she was an out of control teen (Which, might have been accurate), as she stared back blankly through her mega curled lashes.
The two eventually made up on the boat, right in time for Madeleine to sulk on a boogie board as she went sad bodysurfing. 

Looks like next week will be more turmoil, as Luke prepares to head back to the US, leaving Madeleine to try and resist throwing topless parties (She could always just cover up with her bearskin coat).

 

 

Alex & Adriano:

Alex met up with her cousin Tiffany to discuss the future of her relationship with the Italian Kenny G. Tiffany couldn’t personally articulate her hatred of Adriano, so she decided to call in Alex’s Aunt Kristy for some straight talk. Aunt Kristy was already not a fan when she heard about Adriano’s lack of religious convictions and worship of threesomes, but she was especially appalled to hear that he had suggested Cousin Tiffany join in. She confirmed what everyone (Including Alex) knew, that Adriano isn’t the one (Or the two, or three. Three is the magic number here). As Tiffany prepared to fly back home, Alex decided to have one last hurrah with Adriano on his Vespa to make sure the doomed relationship should really end. 

The two set sail for the day on a boat ride along the Amalfi coast, with the most magical scenery in the background. The only thing that could possibly ruin such a perfect day would be talking about threesomes…..which you know happened. Alex explained that she had felt disrespected about Adriano’s request for Cousin Tiffany to join in, as well as the constant threesome peer-pressure. She finally worked up the courage to tell him that things weren’t working, and she needed to be left alone (Note to Alex: Probably don’t tell someone you need to be left alone while on a boat). Adriano seemed to shrug off her request, plying her with more vino and smiling his oblivious smile as he crossed his eyes and pictured two of her sitting there, creating his dream love triangle, while humming the theme of “Three’s Company”.

 

 

Kyle & Ani:

Unfortunately things were not going “swimmingly” as Ani was still concerned that Kyle refused to purchase the morning after pill to deter his little swimmers. She found his lack of ambition to buy her birth control to be rude and a betrayal of trust. In the midst of being yelled at, Kyle decided to show Ani the results of his STD testing, thinking this would in some way prove his loyalty and devotion and magically stop the fight. He then confessed to a few more “in-person” donations he had previously failed to mention, also feeling like this was a noble feat.

As Ani continued to berate him, he stopped to question her about her own recent relationship with a local Maltese (This is truly what men from Malta are called, but I can’t help but picture a little white fluffy dog that you might meet on a dating app. This is my impression of dating in Malta). Ani admitted she had recently had a non serious fling with a local, but this was because she felt there was no hope for her relationship with Kyle, due to his compulsive sperm donation.
She explained how much it upset her to see women coveting her boyfriend’s sperm, and finally decided to end things after all, as she ran away leaving Kyle to adjust himself all alone.

 

 

Shawn & DougAlliyah:

The two were enjoying a nice romantic dinner, when Dougilliyah brought up the state of their open relationship. She asked that Shawn end his friendship with his “friend with benefits” back home, who happened to be one of his ex boyfriends. Shawn felt he could stop the “benefits” part but would be hesitant to end the friendship aspect of the relationship, despite the fact that it made Dougilliyah feel insecure. This caused MedussAlliyah to worry about her future in the US, as she felt Shawn was dismissive of her feelings. 

Can we please have a hair intervention….. I can’t take it… it was so aggressive…