Happily Ever After; Season 8 Episode 14

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targareyn:

After the disastrous meeting last week with Rob, Sophie took her cry baby “mum” out for a little bit of culture in the form of breakfast at Denny’s. The two British Birds chuckled over the “meh” taste of grits, feeling they were a bit “Oliver Twist”y for their superior palette (You know, since they were used to eating their morning beans-n-Botox or what not).
As they dined on American fare, Rob began calling Sophie’s “hoe” phone. For some reason Sophie still seemed confused on what to do about her non-marriage that she’s clearly completely checked out of. 

For the next scene, Sophie and her crippled mum plodded up the stairs of Rob’s apartment so she could gather her things. Rob tried to regain Sophie’s love by plying her with one of those new squishy stuffed animals that the kids all like. He also apologized to mum Claire for his previous outburst, and hoped all of this minimal effort would win Sophie back. Though almost everyone felt there would be no way anyone could be swayed by a squishy bean bag animal…..Sophie happened to be the exception. I don’t know why more marriage counselors don’t recommend squishy stuffed animals to solve relationship issues. Works like a charm.

Meemaw & Mykol:

With last week’s “Paradise Men” revelation, Angela felt it best to ring up an immigration lawyer. The lawyer informed her that since the two had been married for over two years, Angela would be financially responsible for him for the next ten years, should the Visa get approved. She went on to tell Ang that either Mykol or the government could sue her for financial support once he was in the U.S. This all seemed like news to Angela (Though I remember almost every single American cast member having this whole “Responsible for 10 years” conversation with their own immigration lawyer at some point in time during their season. Surely Lawyer Lou filled her in on this before). 
This recent news made Meemaw question things even more, as she was already feeling like Mykol had been scamming her, and now worried he may have a hit out on her with his life insurance questions. 

Jasmania & GeeKnow:

This week Gino asked Jasmine out for lunch in an attempt to give peace a chance…..orrrrr have a new place to fight. They sat down at the local establishment and began discussing their lack of intimacy due to the constant arguing. Ultimately it resulted in more talk about toe-sucking and Jasmine’s beach ball boobs, and the lunch ended peacefully, no smoothies thrown. Don’t worry though, I’m sure they’ll circle back next week and fight in an Arby’s parking lot or something. 

Loren & Alexei:

With Loren still down and out from the Mommy makeover, Alexei needed reinforcements. Between taking care of Loren and readjusting her “mom bun”, tending to the three kids, working, and the stress of the situation in Israel, he was pretty burnt out. He had no other choice but to swallow his pride and take the kids to the Parents Loren for help. He was beginning to feel like Loren had downplayed the extent of the recovery process, and was so stressed that he became even more beige, looking more like a human bandaid than ever. 

Patrick & Thighs:

Back in Brazil…
Things were heating up from last week as the battle of the dads continued. Carlos (The Dreamy Father Thighs) continued poking at Joe-Say (Father Patrick) about his shifty “landlord-tennant” relationship with his son. 
Once BroJo was clued in as to what the hell these people were talking about in Paw-cha-Geez, he chimed in to rag on Father Pat as well. Carlos then turned the conversation toward Patrick, and his inability to ask for the “marriage blessing” (Which I was hoping he had moved on from, like everyone else has). BroJo tried to keep things real, standing up for Patty-Cakes by telling Father Thighs that his daughter was the one who wanted to keep the marriage a secret, thus not allowing Patrick to have the opportunity to ask for his stupid blessing.

The next day, Pat ‘n Thighs took a little stroll with the baby through a market where they stopped to discuss the dad drama. Thighs tried to convince Pattycakes to give up their pointless payments towards their uninhabited apartment, which was ultimately funding JoeSay. She did seem to understand that Patrick was simply trying to hold on to whatever relationship he could possinly have with his dad, even if he has to buy it (Sidenote…Pay me rent, Patrick. I’ll be the best dad ever. I tell bad jokes….I’ll take you for pizza….)

Emily & Kobe:

Back in Cameroon, Father Emily was sporting some noteworthy pajamas, as he headed outside to check out his dowry requirements. Kobe had brought over everything he had asked for in the Emily ransom letter from the “Knock Door” ceremony, including a poor, innocent goat, who was tied up in the yard like that goat at the beginning of Jurassic Park. 

It appeared that Emily sold for approximately 1 goat, 2 liters of Fanta, 4 pineapples, a cane, 2 new shirts for his African wardrobe, and an umbrella. Emily was asked to leave the scene while her parents negotiated the “bride price”, which was now reduced to a pile of leaves. Mother Emily with the Good Hair was still offended by the whole “selling her daughter” thing, as she reluctantly watched her husband sell Emily for the bargain basement price of only 3 leaves, or $1.50 USD. Congratulations to the Family Kobe on their newest bargain basement-dweller! 

Big Ed & Liz:

Back in Arkansas…Liz was still trying to pick up the pieces of her former life, as she and her angry mom gathered her belongings in the spare bedroom. Liz tried to speak with Ed about his rude and insensitive comments towards her mother last week. He slightly apologized before moving on to give her a relationship lecture. Things escalated into one of their usual screamfests, as Liz stormed out of the house, hopefully questioning every decision she had made in her life that led up to this moment. 

I think Ed now needs 2 cleaning ladies.