Love in Paradise; Season 4 Episode 5

Luke & Madeleine:

Since Madeleine was still mad about Luke losing his job and spending all of the “moonies” on sunglasses, she needed a little alone time with her Rubik’s cube. Luke decided to take the opportunity to go meet up with his friend Brian, a fellow entrepreneur that he had met through his bride-to-be.
As Luke sat down to show Brian his exclusive eyewear, the two discussed his current financial situation. Brian encouraged him to put some security measures in place with regards to Madeleine, mentioning Luke should get an iron clad prenup before their hot pink sparkly Barbie teen dream wedding. Though he dreaded having that conversation with his beloved, Luke felt it might be necessary. Apparently he had purchased an apartment in Colombia for $300,000 that he had fixed up and currently rents out to tourists, and didn’t want to risk losing one of the only assets he had left (Other than his furry coat collection). He knew the eye-roll queen was going to have a fit, but he realized the importance of protecting himself (He might want to wear one of his patented sunglasses when he does it, as to avoid an acrylic talon to the eye. Yet another use for these versatile glasses!) 

The next day, Luke and Madeleine went over to his rental property to tidy up in preparation for their next guest. Luke put off discussing a prenup, as to avoid any more fighting and tension, especially since the two were set to go to Madeleine’s grandmother’s house for a visit. They set off on the drive with her extra special dog, to grandmother’s house we go!

The couple were greeted warmly by Grandma in a shower cap and Madeleine’s aunt, who she explained were the most influential people in her life (They may or may not have taught her everything she knows about a Rubik’s Cube). As the family sat down to cook together, the ladies began to grill Luke on the wedding plans. Of course the Spanish inquisition made him anxious, as he had promised not to discuss “the moonies” issue, and wanted to keep the afternoon together light. He tried to explain that they would need time to plan for Princess Madeleine’s dream wedding- Which was going to be the worst episode of “My Super Sweet 16” anyone has ever seen.

After the family visit, the two headed home, with Madeleine voicing her wedding demands all the while. Her short list included 3 dresses, a dj, flowers everywhere, and a choreographed dance. Being that she was now in wedding planning mode, she dragged Luke to tour a venue in an attempt to get the ball rolling. Though the location was beautiful, Kyle was not in love with the $20,000 price tag (That’s a whole lot of eyewear!). He sat her down to have the tough financial discussion, where he ultimately wound up telling her that he would need a prenup before she could start shopping for bubble gum pink wedding gowns. 

Madeleine immediately got angry, rolling her eyes like never before as she screamed that she could never marry someone who doesn’t trust her. She also claimed that Luke had been the one who had lied to her in the past, as she stomped off in her spandex dress, ready to have a fit. 

Couldn’t Luke just hock his golden pirate earrings for a little extra cash? I can hardly look at those things anymore.

 

 

 

Kyle the Sperminator & Ani: 

Back at the mall… 
Ani was still upset over her sperm donor boyfriend’s line of work, hoping he would be willing to quit once they decided to become exclusive. After taking a brief break (during which time Kyle must have adjusted and readjusted himself 72 times), Ani returned to talk calmly, trying to express that she was afraid of getting hurt. Kyle seemed to think of the best possible compromise where maybe Ani could get involved with his sperm donations by helping him choose who he donates to, which sounds like a great date-night activity to me. The two somehow smoothed things over in the back of the Banana Republic, where ironically all resolution is possible.

 

 

Shawn & Dougalliyah:

Feeling like she needed a little girl time, Alliyah set off on a boat ride with her girlfriend Jackie. She decided to wear a hot pink spandex number with an orange/yellow ombre giant ponytail extension, like a beautiful My Little Pony. Though her look was on-point, Dougalliayh still had a bit of the “man-spread” going on as she sat on the boat, going over her relationship issues with Shawn. She told Jackie about Shawn’s preference for Douglas, given his shy and quiet nature, which was obviously the opposite of Alliyah, and her Rainbow Brite hair. Jackie felt that Shawn may have some control issues, and wondered if Alliyah was planning on moving forward with surgery. She revealed her plans for a few procedures, noting that while she would hear any and all of Shawn’s opinions through his veneers, ultimately it was her decision. 

Later on Shawn and Alliyah hit the beach with a few friends so they could mix and mingle. Shawn got a chance to see Alliyah in her element with her friends feeling happy and confident. She then made a speech bidding a farewell to Douglas, as she symbolically burned a terrible yearbook picture in the bonfire. She was hoping this bold move would drive home the point to Shawn that cowardly Douglas is MotherDebbieDone, and Alliyah and all of her awful hair was here to stay. 

 

 

 

Alex & Adriano the Italian Fabio:

Back in Italy, Alex was taking a much needed break from the King of Threesomes to have a girl day with her cousin Tiffany. The two went to a pottery making class, where cousin Tiffany accidentally made a phallic shape out of the clay (Which could theoretically cause some to bring up the topic of a threesome). Alex also failed the assignment when she managed to get one of her braids stuck in the clay, which sent the poor Italian Pottery Instructor over the edge. After failing Pottery 101, the two turned the conversation towards Alex’s relationship with “Fabio”, discussing the couple’s issues with religion, kids, dealing with racial issues, and……the love of the number “3”. It seemed like Alex knew deep down that cousin Tiffany was right, and the relationship was doomed, but she couldn’t help but love vacationing in Italy, getting all of that “Vitamin D”.