Happily Ever After; Season 8 Episode 10

Loren & Alex:

Loren began her recovery from her Mommy Makeover surgery in style, wearing the most fetching blue polka dot muumuu. Using her wheelchair as a walker, she did her best “Grandma Yetta” impression as she shuffled in for her recheck at the doctor’s office. The doctor seemed pleased with her healing process and lack of double chin, praising Alexei for his nursing skills. Alexei did such a great job that the doctor insisted he be the one to tend to Loren for the duration of her recovery instead of switching off with her mother, as they had originally planned. Loren seemed concerned that the kids would be without both parents for a while, but I don’t care about the kids (Copyright Mother Asuelu). 

After the checkup, Alexei did leave Loren’s side to visit their small humans who had been hanging with his father back at the condo (How do they fit in a condo?!?Who has the pleasure of living directly below them?!?). While the kids were busy running around, Alexei swooped in to do the dishes and attempt laundry for the first time, which required a Facetime washing machine tutorial from Loren, who was busy doing her best “Invisible Man” impression. He then called her back 5 minutes later so the kids could have a video chat with their bandaged “mummy” (For 0.6 seconds, because that’s how kids Facetime). 

Looks like next week Loren will be returning to the chaos, where someone will inevitably jump on her stitches and “unsnatch” her newly snatched snatch. Snatched. 

 

 

Nicole & Sooo MaaaaachMood:

Nicole was busy hemming a dress, as she cried yet again over her continuing “Moody” drama. Since her Machmood-napping the other day off of the streets of Los Angeles, it appears the two have been cohabitating fairly well, giving her hope that they could possibly reconcile. Machmood was even able to find a mosque to make him feel more at home (I guess she lets him out for a little rec time every now and then). Unfortunately things took a negative turn after Nicole went out for a night on the town. She had told her MoodyRoommate that she would be back around 8pm, but strolled in at 2am in a drunken stupor. Machmood flipped out, asking to see her phone and demanding to know who she was with. Nicole refused to hand it over, causing him to grow more suspicious, as she desperately claimed that she did not have time to cheat on him (The orange He-Man hair is a natural man-repellant. I don’t think he has anything to worry about there). The incident caused Maaaachmood to set out on another one of his “walkabouts”, while Nicole was left to cry in yet another motorcycle jacket. 

After airing himself out, MoodyBlues returned to the apartment to discuss the most recent squabble. Nicole defended her late night escapade, saying she was out with her female friend drinking like Americans do, and didn’t need to be controlled. 
Moodyman seemed deadpan, as he calmly told her he would like to actually get divorced unlike all of the other times when he just said it for fun. Nicole angrily insisted that he would not be able to stay in the apartment if this were the case, as she refused to be in a loveless marriage. 

Are we done yet? Is this the end? Or are we playing another “Where in the World is MachMood SanDiego”?! I can’t keep chasing him on the streets….I don’t have enough fashionable outfits.

 

Angela & Mykol:

Back on the screen were Mykol and Angela, who were together, and scantily clad in some outdoor restaurant in Nigeria.They went through the details of their SEVEN YEAR long-distance relationship, with a highlight reel including the two’s initial meeting, fairytale Nigerian wedding, and Mykol’s alleged cheating scandal (They conveniently skipped all gynecological appointments involving egg-toting, Angela meeting the family, Mykol admitting he did the “BJ forreal”, and Angela ripping off his car bumper). It seems that their seven year rollercoaster relationship was culminating with their upcoming Visa interview, set to take place the next day. 
Ang quizzed Mykol on his Visa interview questions, feeling annoyed when he was falling short of answering at every turn. She worried that the Visa would get denied as it had 2 times before, though Michael remained calm, cool and collected (Well maybe not cool…he was shvitzing in this unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt). 
Back at the hotel, Meemaw and Michel called up the “grids” (Angela’s grandkids that she cares for, for those who are new to this mess), as they were all super excited for “Papa Mykol” to come home to Hazelhurst, Georgia. Though Angela and the grids seemed hopeful, her daughter Skyla was still skeptical of Mykol’s true intentions as she always felt he was a “User Moohamit”. As the night came to a close, it seemed the happy couple were nervous, yet excited to finally have a resolution to their years of long distance.

The morning, however, began with a different tune. Angela had been looking over all of Mykol’s paperwork for their interview, just to make sure he had what was needed. She uncovered a printout of a screenshot of some of the couple’s crazy text messages where they were fighting about his cheating. This set her into a Meemaw frenzy as she screamed at her American hopeful, feeling like he was completely stupid for wanting to show any negativity about their relationship at his interview (As if the embassy has never heard of a show called “90 Day Fiance”, starring these 2 for the last 5-6 years of drama). Angela claimed she was taking this stupidity as a sign that they shouldn’t be together, storming out of the room and refusing to attend the meeting. From Micheal’s perspective, the proof of “text-fighting” just made the couple look more real and relatable (He should have brought in his ripped-off bumper. It doesn’t get more “authentic lover’s quarrel” than that!). Michael asked Angela one last time to accompany him on his interview, hoping her “red white and blue” themed outfit would sway the powers that be, but she refused. 

Of course after Michael left for the embassy, Angela immediately regretted her snap decision not to go, blaming her heightened stress levels on nerves, as she picked up a cigarette, sunglasses, and signature Diet Coke to pace around the hotel anxiously. 
Welcome back, Meemaw. 
Love, 
Your #1 fan.

 

 

Jasmania & Gee-Know:

After last week’s disastrous BBQ, it was finally time for the couple to leave Miami. They spent the morning packing in silence, as Gino was still mad at Jasmine about not wanting to tote her egg (I love that Meemaw is back, I thought this was only fitting). Jasmine tried to explain her reasoning for not wanting to have a baby together, stating that her stress and anxiety would not be healthy for an unborn baby (as well as living in a house with both her and Gino and the dog in diapers). She managed to squirm out of trouble by telling Gino she might be up for producing his heir when things calm down. Once he accepted that rationalization, she immediately moved on to the topic of making her beauty pageant dreams come true.

Gino seemed to move on quickly from the fight, but he really hoped that Jasmine would soon reconsider making his baby dreams a reality. Think of all of the cute tiny baby hats he could buy…

 

 

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

Since they discussed the topic of “wearing costumes” last week in their somewhat-successful therapy session, Rob and Sophie decided to hit up yet another sex shop (Clearly production forgot that we saw them do this once already, and it was stupid then)

They walked around the shop giggling, picking out supposed sexy outfits for each other to try on in an attempt to spice up their love life. Rob tried on some kind of yellow studded harness, while Sophie’s look was a bit more like her every-day spandex, and unimpressive to Mr.Knob. She immediately became upset by his nonchalant attitude, cursing at him as she changed back into her regular tight clothing, which really looked no different. The two managed to have their second sex-shop fight to date, as Sophie stormed out to the car, pouting in the passenger seat. Rob tried to apologize, telling her that he appreciated her in all types of stretchy outfits, as the two left to head home. Sophie tried to explain that her feelings of insecurity were not helped by his lack of enthusiasm and compliments, which she so desperately was fishing for. Rob then used his patented move to turn the situation around, asking Sophie if she was possibly talking to somebody else, namely her friend Kaye. 
Nothing “The Knob” said was making her feel better, as they returned to the apartment where Sophie got out of the car, wearing a skirt shorter than the one at the sex shop. 
Though it was a stupid fight, Sophie claimed in the moment that she needed to be done with him, fleeing the scene to go find her “bestie”, who she claimed made her happy, though no one is sure of in what way…

 

Emily & Kobe:

Kobe was nervously driving a carload of relatives over to the AirBNB for the official “Knock Door” ceremony (AKA list of demands from the Parents Emily in exchange for their daughter’s bossy hand in marriage). Back at the house, Emily tried to prepare her parents to be on their best Cameroonian behavior, as Mother Emily-with-the-good-hair was still having a tough time about the idea of paying a “bride price”.

Kobe and crew finally reached the house where they were warmly greeted by the Family Emily. They kicked Emily out of the room (probably the best part of the whole tradition) so the official ceremony could begin. Kobe’s relatives gave their speech, asking for Emily to become their property. Of course this really riled up Mama Emily, as she was still having a hard time coming to terms with selling off her kid. She asked the Family if they could explain the reasoning behind the tradition, as was even more disturbed to hear that Kobe’s clan would now be in charge of Emily’s fate, even including planning her funeral.  Everyone sat idly by as they watched Mother Em debate Kobe’s family, wondering if they would come to some sort of compromise. 

Do they even have basements in Cameroon?? Where does the Family Kobe plan on putting her once they buy her?! No refunds, returns or substitutions.

 

Big Ed & Liz:

Imagine a world where you were engaged to Big Ed….
Now imagine a world where you were upset that you were NO LONGER engaged to Big Ed.
This is the world Liz is living in.

After their face to face breakup last week, Liz, Ed, and little Ryleigh were back at the house trying to pack up and figure out what comes next. Liz planned to fly back to San Diego with her daughter to get settled before returning to Arkansas alone to deal with the Egg mess.
As they were heading out the door, Ed asked to have a minute with Ryleigh. He apologized for what had happened, and for scaring her from ever eating taco pasta again (Which might be a positive thing….I’m still confused as to what taco pasta actually is).

Liz, on the other hand, felt used and suckered, even though the couple had previously broken up 350 times. She felt depressed over having gotten her daughter involved, as well as the fact that she would now need a new wardrobe, since she was sporting a Big Ed logo sweatshirt. Liz also knew that everyone in her life would give her an “I told ya so”, being that they could all see Ed for the Mucinex blob that he is. 
Once the girls had left the house, Ed claimed to be sad, as he pondered if he now would need a cleaning lady. And nothing else. I guess it is true what they say; Weebles Wobble, but they don’t fall down.