Happily Ever After; Season 8 Episode 1

Just as the Season 10 Tell All commenced, and everyone thought they had bid a less-than-fond farewell to a few faces, a new season of Happily Ever After has begun. The combination of castmates for Season 8 of the spinoff has some old, new, and somewhere in between from the 90 Day Universe. Here we go….

Emily & Kobe:

From the bowels of Salina Kansas (and Emily’s Parent’s basement) were Emily and Kobe, from Season 9. They sat on the interview couch, reviewing their entire relationship, starting with the two meeting while both living abroad in China, where they hooked up and Emily got pregnant. They dated long distance during the pandemic, where Emily gave birth to their son Koban, whom Kobe got to meet on-screen a whole 2 years later (Actually a pretty touching moment). Fast forward to the present, and the two have since tied the knot and have been getting it on in the family basement, as they’ve added a second child, Scarlett, who is now 2 years old. 
Since Kobe finally had his green card now, the entire family (including Emily’s ridiculously generous dad and mom with the good hair) are taking a trip to his hometown of Cameroon, where they would be meeting The Family Kobe for the first time. Kobe tried to encourage Emily to take her bossy tude down a notch, as not to overwhelm his traditional African family. The Parent’s Emily seemed somewhat concerned about this trip, as they listened to Kobe explain about a pesky little Civil War brewing in his homeland, that he claimed “would be fine” (I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about…they could always bring Angela along to break up any fights that may break out)

After Emily spent the night using all of the internet’s tips and tricks for packing for a family, they set out on the first leg of the journey to Cameroon. First they drove for 3 hours to Kansas City, which was hard enough with 2 kids, before getting on a flight to France, and eventually their final destination. Though I’m glad I wasn’t on the actual journey (Because a 30+ hour trip with toddlers sounds like my version of torture), I am excited to be on their edited television journey. I love a good 90 Day trip abroad, and hope at least one person buys some sort of livestock as a gift, it’s my favorite (RIP Baby Girl Lisa’s goat Barney…. Gone but never forgotten).

Sophie & Rob the Knob??

Though we thought we’d had these two “categorically done and dusted” as of last week’s Tell All, it appears they are back for more.
This season started off with Sophie in bed with her brand new red-headed female bestie “Kae”, who she’d never previously mentioned. It appears the two have gotten pretty chummy, as the bed displayed a personalized quilt with photos of them together that read “Besties” all over it, presumably from Vistaprint. Sophie explained that she and Rob had moved to Austin, TX after their beach wedding, along with Rob’s dog and his newly adopted pet tarantulas. After Sophie found out that Rob had been less than forthcoming about his “online cheating” and ongoing online chats with the ladies, she decided to move in with Kae. 

Rob speculated that Sophie may be having her own extracurricular activities going on, since she had previously shared that she was bisexual….kind of, in theory, possibly, but planned on marrying a man. Though I tend to discount much of what “The Knob” says, he may be on to something, by the looks of that personalized blanket…

Sophie’s Mother, Claire, was conveniently back in town (Apparently she lives in Mexico, and has a new fling from Texas as well). Sophie met up with her mom and new prospective stepfather to play Bocce ball and discuss her current relationship status (Gino would be jealous about the Bocce ball….and Rob’s illustrious ponytail). Mother Soph felt relieved that her daughter had finally broken free of grumpy Rob for the last 2 months, as she felt she could do so much better.  Unfortunately Sophie let her mom know that she was considering talking things out with Rob and possibly giving her marriage another go, which made her mum flip her wig (Though Sophie was the one who needed her wig flipped….. That thing is ready for its retirement).

Meanwhile, in another part of Austin……
Rob felt determined to win Sophie back, which involved inviting her to a “selfie studio” to try and talk things out. They greeted each other awkwardly, making stupid conversation, as an attempt to break the ice. Sophie suggested the two take selfies, which looked like a lot of fun, until Rob had to go and bring on the “bad vibes only”. He seemed unwilling to apologize and take accountability for any of his online infidelities, merely minimizing them. He then put the blame on Sophie for leaving him, claiming that her tendency to run off and leave him every time he messes up was causing the downfall of their relationship.

Personally, I can’t believe I’m going to have to sit through approximately 15 more episodes of The Knob again.

Nicole & Sooo MaaaachMood:

Back from the scrap heap of 90 Day couples are Nicole and Maaaach-mood. Since we left off (and thought we were done for good) with all combined 87 pounds of this duo, Nicole has since returned from Egypt, and began rebuilding her life in LA. Though she had a hard time walking like an Egyptian wife, Nicole still wanted to give her marriage a fair shake, so she decided to file for the Spousal Visa and awaited Mahmoud’s arrival. And since it’s far too boring to summarize all of that in a quick and effective way as per my last 2 sentences, Nicole had to go to a vintage store in LA where she pretended to buy Mahmoud vintage underwear as an excuse to discuss her situation with the cashier. 

All the way over in Cairo, Mahmoud anxiously finished packing for his big move, as he had a tearful goodbye with his mom. This would be the first time he would be away from his family, namely his mother, and worried when he would be able to see them again. Though he didn’t really want to leave Egypt, he claimed he couldn’t imagine a life without Nicole (and that sexy Burkini she wore during their last season…. A personal highlight). 

Later on we saw Nicole headed to the airport wearing a tightly fitting dress and exposed ankles to retrieve Mahmoud. She worried about the struggles the two might have, as she previously felt like Maaaaaachmood was always putting her down and picking on her fashion choices (Though somehow never mentioned her He-Man haircut, which has since turned fire engine red). Here’s to watching these two fight for 43 episodes while calling each other “My Love”. Sooooo Maaaaach Moood!

Ashley & Manuel:

With only a 5 minute break, we now return to watching Ashley and Manuel, who have now been living in marital bliss for over a year. Ashley has since added “Spin Class Instructor” to her lengthy resume, which also includes CEO of Witch Craft Coventry, and Sales Associate at “Yucky Candles R Us”. She explained that though married life has been good, the couple has still struggled with communication, since Manuel rarely talks or opens up about his mystery children back in Ecuador. Though she’s been a long distance stepmother for a year, Ashley complained that she has still never spoken to Manuel’s children, and questioned if they even knew of her existence.
The two went to a local carnival of sorts along with Ashely’s mom and sister, so they could discuss Ashley’s concerns. Mother and Sister Ashley (Who had seemed somewhat understanding towards Manuel at the Tell All last week) were convinced that he must be hiding something, and tried to encourage Ashley to get to the bottom of things. (Doesn’t she have some kind of crystal ball she could just look in, or is that a fortune teller??!? I’m confusing sorceries….)

Here’s to hoping the couple didn’t get into a fight at the carnival and decide to “bang it out” in the Port A Potty. Those things are gross enough.

Jasmania & GeeKnow:

Well we blinked and they were back…… but this time, on a boat. The newlywed Jasmine and Geeknow set sail on their own little dinghy as part of their honeymoon. Though Gee-Know seemed perfectly content steering his little rented speed boat, Jasmine had pictured a more luxurious newlywed experience on a yacht, while filming the sequel to “Overboard” (Which is even funnier with a Panamanian accent).
After reviewing their entire relationship for anyone who’s new to the 90 Day Universe, they explained that their new goal as a married couple is to have a baby. Jasmine, while wearing a star spangled bikini from The Limited Too, proposed that the two try and conceive while on the boat, which of course a big NO, as Gino generally doesn’t like to remove his hat in public, let alone his pants (Though we’ll always have the hatless wedding photos….)

The rest of the honeymoon involved camping, in a tent, which Jasmine was hoping Gino was able to pitch, since she was ovulating. As they sat by the fire, roasting smores, Jasmine brought up the topic of trading in the old Panama-themed townhouse for something a bit bigger. Now that the couple had been married for a few months, Jasmine felt it was time for Gino to get back to work, so they could start the application process to bring over her two sons for some family-fueled trauma. The newest storyline includes Jasmine keeping a secret from Gino (There’s always a secret)…. She has had a hard time conceiving in the past. 

Keep the Kleenex handy, I’m sure she has a lot more tears to shed on this new season.