90 Day Fiance; Season 10, Episode 8

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

After a half-assed apology and a rose from the gas station, Sophie decided to forgive “The Knob” and return back to his throne-less palace. The next morning, Rob surprised his second-chance sweetie with an AirBNB on the ocean, sure to impress and right all of his wrongs. Sophie appreciated the jester’s gesture, but was more interested in consistent consideration, instead of his grand gestures every time he was caught in a lie (Little did she know, he could only afford an hour in the beach house…..)
That evening, Rob struggled to light the electric fire pit as he plied Sophie with wine and Indian food (And thankfully the place had an indoor bathroom because that sounded like a Mother Sumitt situation waiting to happen ). He again apologized for his internet knob-wielding, and tried to convince her that it would never happen again. In an attempt to be romantic, Rob told Sophie he would be lost without her, and would probably be alone, living in a hobbit hole (Which could actually be an upgrade, if said hobbit hole had indoor plumbing).
Sophie decided to take a break from the love-retreat to go to a local brewery where she could call her mum, away from The Knob. She explained her rationalizations for getting back together with her cranky yankster, which Mother Sofie thought was crazy. She felt like Sophie was happy only 38.5% of the time (a new percentage, even by 90 Day standards), and encouraged her daughter to shoot for 100%. Feeling worried that the hair bleach had gone to Sophie’s head, she felt that an emergency trip to visit was in order, and hoped she’d be able to steer her delusional daughter away from Rob and his online knobbing, once and for all.
Previews for next week’s shenanigans show Sophie nervously preparing herself to tell Rob she’s bisexual (I mean…. It’s not like she’s hiding the fact that she used to be a man or something. Please consult with JustIgor).

 

Gee-Know & Jasmania:

Gino was busy putting his engineering degree to work by assembling doggie steps so poor little Coco could easily access the bed and witness what I’d imagine nightmares are made of.

Jasmine returned home from her girls’ day at the nail salon and immediately questioned Gino about his secret bachelor party. Of course Gino hesitated to come clean about his time at the nude lady establishment, as he knew Jasmine would fly off of the handle (He did however make sure to mention Jovi’s name so he could get a 15% discount). As Gino became more and more evasive, the interrogating escalated, with Jasmine inevitably crying and threatening to go back to Panama (Which may mean her homeland OR the living room, which was still covered in Panama flags). Gino felt exhausted by all of the fighting and threats, and encouraged Jasmine to return from whence she came (Oddly enough Gino’s exhausted face looked exactly like every other face….The many moods of Gino). Good thing Jasmine didn’t see the footage of Gino playing the butt-bongos, Biniyam-style, at the strip club! 

Devin 2.0 & Nick-hoon:

Devin and Nick headed to the airport for their long trip to the U.S. They finally landed in Memphis, where they were greeted by The Parents Devin, who in 1 minute’s time displayed more personality than their daughter had shown thus far. The end. 

(The only thing worth noting about their segment this week was the fact that Korea has friendly robots roaming around the airport check-in counters. That’s all I’ve got…… Please bring Nicole and Azan back, kthanksbye.)

Nikki Exotica & Igor Timberlake:

It looked like the neverending car ride was about to come to a halt, as Justigor finally approached his old neighborhood. He knew he was nearing his parents’ house by a nostalgic landmark; The first place where he saw 2 cows having “sexy time” (Which you know made Nikki jealous…). The two managed to put aside their intense road trip breakup talk for the sake of the visit. Once they reached the door, they were greeted by Stepfather Igor & Jessica (Not his sister, the Moldy Miniature Pinscher). They made their way into the home, where Mother Igor shuffled around, unable to see from under her blonde bangs. She was excited to see Nikki again, greeting her affectionately. Mother Igor explained concern for her son’s mental health, since the first Nikki breakup had taken its toll on the Moldy-man.  

The family sat together on the couch, perusing an old photo album that contained pictures from Igor before he was Justin, and Nikki before they all knew she wasn’t born “Nicole”. She seemed to appreciate the fact that Mama Igor hadn’t burned the pictures of her and was willing to give her a second chance (Good thing she didn’t burn them in her fireplace, since mold tends to grow in most chimneys, leaving a musty odor. Moldy fun fact of the week). 

Justigor and his mama went out on the balcony to have a private conversation. She felt heartbroken that her son would be so far away and worried about his well-being, since he’d be living with the snake-eyed woman with the sharp talons. Justin reassured her that he would be okay, and they reappeared in the living room, where Jessica was waiting (the miniature pinscher, who’s dog food was also made of meat jello).  Nikki was glad to hear that the family accepted her, even giving their blessing for the couple’s marriage. (But didn’t they just break up in the car?!) I hope Jessica officiates the wedding.

Ashley & Manuel:

Back in Rochester…

Ashley prepared for a long day of running errands, which could only be fueled by her witch’s brew…. aka coffee. Manuel could not believe how much coffee it took for Ashely to be a functioning human, as he watched her double fist her caffeine while she drove. He smugly refused to help her hold any of her beverages including but not limited to her previous day’s travel mug that had been sitting in the cup holder. Of course his disinterest caused Ashley to break out into hysterics, so she called her friend to vent. Ashley ranted on and on in English to her friend, who was shocked to hear she was complaining about Manuel as he sat in the car next to her, staring out the window. Ashley’s friend tried talking her down, which was pointless (Maybe she should lay off of the coffee….and driving in general). 

After the caffeine chaos, Ashley and Manuel met up with her friends to go sniff candles as part of a candle making activity. Manuel couldn’t have looked more bored, as he turned away all of the scents, claiming to have a “discerning nose”. Ashley opened up to her friends about her concern for the fact that Manuel expected her to send money back to Ecuador to support her nuevo family-in-law, which was causing tension in the relationship. Manuel (who had spent most of the evening staring at the wall and drumming on the table) explained that he had to provide for his children back home to the tune of $300/month, but intended to pay Ashley back every penny, with no interest (That is, he’s not interested in anything about her). Ashley’s friends couldn’t believe the couple hadn’t discussed the important financial topic, and began to point out that there could be other pre-wedding discussions that still need to be had. Manuel awoke from his boredom-stuper, spouting off that Ashley would rather spend $130 at the vet without blinking a fake-eyelash before sending money back to help feed his family, as he became heated, chugging his beer, and left the candle-sniffing party to walk home.

Ashley realized that she may not have thought this whole “get married to a random guy from Ecuador who doesn’t talk” thing through, and was second guessing if they would actually make it to the wedding finish line. (I’m confused…could she not have put some kind of “love spell” on him?? Also, I need a coffee.)

Clayton & Anali:

Back in Kentucky, Clayton and Anali kicked off this week by taking out the old kiddie pool to give the guinea pigs a little bath/play time, in the very multi-purpose living room. As they scrub-a-dub-dubbed the dos conejillo de indias (That’s “guinea pigs”, Kenny, and if you start losing your beautiful blonde floof of hair, you can wear one like a toupee), they discussed the disastrous meeting with Clayton’s sister, Brandi. Clayton was hoping he would have another chance to change his sister’s mind about his relationship, so she wouldn’t be talking smack about him around the local watering hole.

Anali took a break from the guineapig-sty to sit by the pool and call her mom. Mother Anali claimed to miss her daughter terribly already, and felt like Anali should just find another boyfriend locally in Peru (Perhaps one that eats guinea pigs instead of cohabitating with them). She also relied a lot on her daughter’s help, being that she had a few medical issues that made it harder for her to be alone. MamAnali listened to her daughter’s gripes about her new living environment, encouraging her to be nice to Clayton and try to work their problems out. 

Later on, the couple set out for a weekend getaway to Indiana, which Clayton was hoping would involve romance, corn, and seeing his sister (but not necessarily in that order). Sister Brandi asked them to meet her at an old family farm where she and Clayton had spent a lot of time apple picking as children, so they would hopefully be surrounded by fond memories to lighten the mood. Claynali (their horrible celebrity couple name) arrived to see Brandi wearing a flowy sundress and smile, seeming much more chipper than their previous meeting. As they walked through the farm picking apples, Anali had Clayton translate a message she had written, explaining her situation and her true intentions regarding her move to the U.S.A. 

Brandi immediately regretted acting like a self proclaimed “turd”, apologizing and ending the emotional portion of the segment with a forced hug. Clayton felt relieved that the sister feud for the sake of drama was finally over, and moved on to the topic of his closet-mom getting in the way of the couple’s sexy time. Brandi had some advice on the subject, as she had previously stored their mother in her old closet, and offered a few positional recommendations to conceal the activity when one finds themselves in such a predicament.  

Speaking of the couple’s dry spell……

After the corn shucking and apple picking commenced, Clayton’s interest turned towards the fruit of Anali’s looms. He had booked a super romantic hotel room at the Holiday Inn Express- Indiana, where he was determined to woo his fiance. While Anali was in the bathroom (with the abnormally loud overhead fans and constant running toilets), he made sure to set the mood with LED candlelight, as he twirled his Rubix cube seductively on the bed. Unfortunately things didn’t pan out as he had imagined, as Anali claimed to be “really tired” and was more interested in turning the lights off and going to bed. (In fairness, he probably smells like a guinea pig). Clayton tried explaining the whole “blue balls” situation, which was apparently lost in translation, and I’m not even attempting to translate that to Kenny, because at this point he still doesn’t even know “azul”. It’s just sad. 

Better luck next week, Clayton! Try a Hampton Inn!