90 Day Fiancé; Season 10 Episode 7

Gee-Know & Jasmania:

After lip-gloss-gate from last week, production felt the need to intervene. A female member of the production team went to Gino’s car to check in on what was happening (and $20 says it was HER lip gloss rolling around, planted). Jasmine ugly-cried on the side of the road, overcome with fear that Gino had cheated on her (Which seemed to have been a non issue when she was sleeping with “Den”, or at least telling Gino she had). She turned the lipgloss rage towards her Daddy issues, discussing her fear of abandonment, and eventually agreed to get back in the car.

Back at the Panamanian embassy (aka Gino’s living room), Jasmine seemed to be releasing tension from her earlier outburst by exercising with her dog. Since little Coco wasn’t much for core strength, Jasmine decided to move on to her second biggest zen activity, which was cleaning the house (Better known as “Snooping”). While innocently vacuuming the drawers and dusting the filing cabinets, Jasmine just haaappened to stumble upon some old love notes from Gino’s ex wife, along with a Kama Sutra book and some unopened bottles of adult lubrication aids. She also saw that he had attempted to learn Portuguese for his Brazilian ex, but only seemed to learn one word in Spanish that he had scribbled down in his notebook; “Perritas”, which apparently means “bitched” (Because “Perritas” be crazy, am I right, Kenny?!?) Clearly, Gino had some ‘splainin’ to do. Taking the snooping mission a step further, Jasmine decided to stalk Gino’s ex wife online, only to find out that they had a lot of similarities. The one that bothered her the most was the fact that their dogs were almost identical (Though you wouldn’t know, because production blurred out the identity of Gino’s ex-dog. Also, Coco is the one who is always wearing avocado print outfits). 

Gino returned home with gifts in hand as a peace offering, since gifts seem to be Jasmine’s love language. He brought home a little doggy hat for Coco so they could be #Twinning, but Jasmine was not amused. She was too busy presenting him with a pile of “Ev-uh-Dense”, looking for some answers. Gino simply reminded his Panamaniac that he had a life before her, and clearly doesn’t clean his house very often, which in turn meant he probably had a few things left over from his first crazy Perrita with a white little dog.

Still feeling skeptical, Jasmine decided to meet up with Michelle (Cousin Dana-the man’s wife) to get a pedicure at a super cute, swanky place. She opened up to Michelle about all of the contraband she found in Gino’s filthy itchy house. Michelle tried to make Jasmine see that Gino has good intentions, and that she should try and trust him more, as most people usually keep dirty napkins from their exes, and other women’s toenail clippings in a drawer (Ok, I know Jasmine hasn’t found those ((yet)) but couldn’t you imagine he has some in a drawer somewhere?!).

It seemed like Jasmine was starting to lighten up and almost felt bad for her overreaction- that was, until she heard that Gino already had a bachelor party at a strip club that he failed to mention. 

Tune in next week for more screaming, crying, and dogs wearing avocado outfits. I’ll bring the lipgloss…

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

Sophie rolled around in her upgraded bed, waiting on a visit from “The Knob”, who was attempting to win her back. Rob arrived at the BnB with a doo-rag, a single red rose, and a prayer, as he plopped on the couch beside her. Rob half-heartedly apologized, as Sophie tried her best to explain the heartache of discovering he had been flogging the knob with random women online. He tried to blame his “internet cheating” on their long distance relationship, defensively apologizing and promising to keep his knob to himself.

Sophie began to soften, looking at her dopey-eyed fiancé, feeling like she had no choice but to forgive him since she didn’t know anyone else in L.A. (And I guess using the family credit card to book a first class flight back to jolly old England was just too easy). Rob slid closer to her on the couch, accentuating what a great guy he was for bringing her a rose from 7-Eleven, and assured her he would be better moving forward. Looks like it’s back to the outside bathroom for Sophie! I sure hope he wasn’t dancing for these internet women….

Ashley & Manuel

Back in therapy…
Ashley was still droning on to the therapist, while Manuel sat silently, counting the ceiling tiles. She mentioned the fact that Manuel still hadn’t introduced her to his ninos (That’s his kids, Kenny. And he has dos, and if you don’t know that, then I can’t help you anymore). Manuel explained that he feared Ashley’s short temper would have a negative effect on his preteens, (Plus he knows that witches occasionally eat children). It was also brought up that Manuel was expected to send money back home, which of course meant ASHLEY’S money, being that he wasn’t legally allowed to work in the country. Ashley couldn’t believe Manuel expected her to send her hard earned witchy-wages, especially since she had no idea what it was going towards or to whom. The therapist tried to mediate, letting Ashley know she needed to take things down a notch with her reactionary behavior, and Manuel needed to speak occasionally about his wife and kids back home. The two agreed, though Manuel seemed skeptical, and pretty much laughed off the entire exercise.   

After therapy, they went out for lunch, where Ashely wanted to recap the session. Manuel looked bored as ever, merely tolerating her questions and acting as if the therapy was a waste of his precious time. He felt he was entitled to his private life, and told Ashley she should see the therapist on her own, since she’s generally the one acting like a crazy-person. Manuel then refused to ride home in the car with his feisty fiance, opting to walk home instead (Ashley could have at least offered her broom). Looks like this fight will take a few rolls in the hay to get over.

Nikki Exotica (No relation to Joe Exotic) & Igor Timberlake:

It was time for Nikki to “Meet the Parents”, so JustIgor felt a shopping trip was in order. He wanted a more demure look for his flashy fiance, and hoped she could put on something a little more musty for the sake of Mold Ova. As they walked through the shopping plaza, Nikki gagged at every option, only agreeing to try on a hot pink blazer and matching spandex pants. Both she and Igor agreed this would be the right look for the occasion, and now only needed a less revealing undershirt, which is semi challenging when your boobs are larger than aspergillus (A mold that grows in a round shape, mostly found in damp walls. This has been your weekly moldy fun-fact).  

Ultimately Nikki abandoned her “Legally Blonde” power suite and chose to wear some kind of polka dot flouncy dress that covered her up enough to meet Igor’s standards, but gave her a whole “Space alien meets Miss Piggy” thing going on. As they rode off towards Justin’s family’s home, he complimented Nikki for finally dressing like one of the girls on the cover of “Moldova Monthly”, which he deemed as “normal”. Unfortunately the compliment backfired, as Nikki felt that JustIgor wasn’t capable of handling her sex drive, her personal style, or the way her creepy nails feel every time she claws at him begging for attention. The realization that this relationship is probably on its way to the dumpster was impeccably timed for the occasion. Hopefully the two will be able to fake it for Justin’s parents, or they’ll all be eating their meat-jello in awkward silence.

Clayton & Anali:

It was Anali’s first morning in Kentucky, and Clayton had a few surprises in store. What surprised him, unfortunately, was Anali’s unwillingness to show him any affection, though she explained it wasn’t due to his headphone-hair, but rather the paper thin walls and the mom-ster in his closet. 

After a quick shower and 3 seconds of barely blow drying her hair, Anali was ready to head out for the day in her Meemaw glasses with the transition lenses. Clayton decided to take her to go horseback riding, since that was the most Kentucky thing he could think of. The two mounted their noble steeds, which they rode around in a circular pen while the nice Kentucken women walked them around on a rope (Basically a pony-ride upgrade). After the face painting and balloon animals, the couple sat on a wooden swing to talk. Clayton was concerned, since Anali hadn’t yet told her family about their relationship and lied about her reasoning for coming to the US. She claimed that her old-fashioned papa would never approve of the relationship, and should probably never find out. Clayton encouraged her to come clean, being that the two were supposed to be married in 3 months, and hoped he wasn’t going to be her Americano Secreto for much longer (That’s “Secret American ”, Kenny. Like you, because your Espanol is so great no one can tell…….).

Later on, Clayton, Closet-Mom, and Anali went to meet up with his sister, Brandi, for a bourbon tasting experience (Brandi the person, not the alcohol). Brandi the sister was concerned, thinking that Anali may be using her brother, especially since she hadn’t heard much about her in all of the time she and Clayton had been together. She also found it suspicious that Anali didn’t have any pictures of Clayton on her social media, and questioned if he was just her “guinea pig” to get a Green card. Clayton translated back and forth, trying not to offend Anali, who did her best to answer all of Sister Brandi’s questions. Closet mom sat quietly on the sidelines, trying to stay impartial, and writing off Brandi’s line of questioning as being an overprotective sister. On bourbon. Brandi then gave the couple her passive-aggressive blessing, before storming out angrily. She felt her brother was blinded by love and was clearly missing all of the red flags in front of him. And this is what happens when you name your kids after alcohol (At least she didn’t name her “Chocolate baby” like the fur babies, though “Jagermeister” would have been pretty iconic). 

Devin 2.0 and Nick-hoon:

Now that Nick’s parents were on board with the couple moving forward with their wedding plans they decided to go shopping for new duds to wear to an engagement shoot. They tried on the traditional Korean “Hanbok”, which for Devin made her look like a princess or a pleated 80’s lampshade, choose your own adventure. Nick, on the other hand, looked like a regal Jedi, as the two set off to an old fortress to be used as their photo backdrop. After exercising their selfie stick, they walked around town until Nick found a spot for them to take a break. He thanked Devin for coming all the way to his neck of the woods before proposing with a ring this time, and received a big fat (slow) “Yes”. Looks like these two will be heading to Arkansas next week. It should be… most likely the same as now, but in Arkansas.