90 Day Fiance: Season 10, Episode 3:

Ashley The Witch & Manuel

Ashley applied her makeup as Manuel slept in, with little Rico Suave unknowingly on the corner of the bed. She explained that their first night together involved a lot of fighting, followed by “banging out” their issues, which temporarily fixed the problems (Especially since she announced that his “freak number” is off the charts). They then set out on a hunting and gathering food shopping expedition to the local grocery store where Manuel was amazed by the vegan options (Not the selection, but rather their existence) as well as the fact that Americans love tiny baby carrots. After the shopping excursion, Ashley brought up the fact that Manuel had not yet told his mother his true whereabouts, lying and telling her that he was working construction in another city in Ecuador (But not on depression beach with Evilone and Corey). She felt it was important for Mama Manuel to know the truth, as well as his two teenage children, who we are only now hearing about for the first time. Ashley wasn’t even sure if his children knew they were about to get their own witchy stepmother, as Manuel seems to be taking the Mother Asuelu approach by not caring about the kids.

Speaking of moms, the two got ready so Manuel could meet Mother Ashley for the very first time. Ashley bought Manuel some nicer clothes for the occasion (instead of his one dirty white t-shirt with the quote that didn’t make any sense), as they made sure to wear complimentary colors. 

They sat down at a Mexican restaurant with Ashley’s Mom, sister and brother in law, for a little “get to know each other” lunch. Mother Ashley seemed on board for the wedding, hoping the couple would have babies asap (Although she could always go to Ecuador and watch the 2 kids he left behind first…). She didn’t understand why Manuel lied to his own mother about his move to America, getting combative as Manuel and Ashley tried to defend their decisions. 

Later on, the couple were having a lazy day, taking Rico Suave for a walk together before coming home to Chef Manuel’s special home cooked dinner using Mama Manuel’s recipe. This of course once again brought up the topic of telling his mom about his secret move, and finally Manuel complied. Ashley grabbed her laptop and the two sat down to face the music with a little video chat. Mother Manuel was surprised to hear her son had left without saying goodbye, but didn’t seem too upset (Or maybe he inherited her lack of energy). Either way, she seemed to accept his move, as he got off of the call, staring blankly out into the distance (Probably pondering the ingredients of the Impossible burger)

Gee-Know & Jasmania

After a long day of getting acclimated to her new life as a Michigander, it was finally time for Jasmine to settle in for the night. She decided to surprise Gino in a sexy nurse lingerie outfit, announcing that he was to become “Dr. Gino”, and handed him his costume (Which luckily included a hat, the most important accessory). This was all in an attempt to improve the couple’s sex life, being that Jasmine’s “rejuvenation” surgery she had last season backfired, making it even more difficult for the two to consummate. Gino was game, running off to the bathroom to suit up in his assigned outfit, awkwardly giggling all the while. Jasmine then took out some “instruments” for Dr. Gino to probe her with, as he stood in his scrubs, looking like a trailer for the new movie “Hostel 5; The Panama Edition”.  Production managed to capture all sorts of uncomfortable angles of Gino and Jasmine’s bizarre escapades, while poor baby Coco tried to intervene. I have started a GoFunMe for Coco’s therapy costs, please get in touch if you would like to donate.

The next morning, it seemed that the patient was happy with her procedure. Jasmine and Gino laid in bed, pinky-promising to try and get along better. After sitting down for a vegan breakfast (fit to confuse Manuel), Gino decided to drop the bomb that he had quit his job to become a stay-at-home dog dad for Coco and fight with Jasmine full time. She could not believe Gino would do something so stupid, especially since he was the sole breadwinner of the household (Not honey wheat though…that’s not vegan). He tried to reassure her that he wanted to be around to help her acclimate to her new life and prepare for the wedding. Jasmine was less concerned with becoming Mrs. Gino and more worried about being unable to bring her kids and sister over, since their sponsor, Dr.Gino the brain surgeon, was now unemployed. 

Since they were now so worried about tightening up the purse strings, they went to get a completely necessary couples massage to melt the stress away. They both disrobed for their rub down, with Gino making sure to keep his hat on, explaining that he has a hat for every occasion (He’s basically Paul Newman on the salad dressing bottles). Jasmine yipped in pain when the masseuse went near her new hind quarters, causing her to finally come clean to Gino about her secret butt implant surgery that was apparently so well done that he didn’t notice during the Dr./Nurse experience (I guess he doesn’t specialize in plastic surgery). 

Jasmine fessed up that she had lied, saying she had Covid, but was actually home convalescing from her butt-enhancement to the tune of $10,000. She tried to convince Gino that the surgery was actually good for their relationship, as it would make her more attractive and thus improve their love life. Gino could not fathom the idea of spending that large sum of money on unnecessary cosmetic procedures, especially when they have so much to pay for with their upcoming wedding. Jasmine seemed to be uninterested in the wedding plans, which also was cause for concern. He eventually got so fed up that he walked out of the massage room, leaving Jasmine and her new derriere alone on the massage table, trying to figure out how she was going to tell him that $2000 used for the surgery was actually provided by her ex boyfriend, “Den”. Jasmine!! You got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do!!! Looks like this surgery really bit her in the a$$

Nikki Exotica (No relation to Joe Exotic) & Igor Timberlake

It was finally time for Nikki to head to the land of Mold, as she gathered her presumably pink garments and hitched a ride with her long time friend. On the drive to the airport, Nikki and her gal pal gabbed about the trip and seeing Justin, but also some concerns over his friends’ and family’s acceptance of her, now that everything was out in the open. This trip was especially important to Nikki, as she wanted to make sure the couple were still compatible sexually, financially, and emotionally (though I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one… The Molds aren’t known for much emotion..but they are, however, known to grow on plastic under certain conditions, in about 3-12 days, so she should look out for that. This week’s fun fact about mold…)

Justin prepared for Nikki’s arrival by dressing himself like he just left the country club, complete with a shoulder-slung sweater and everything. He prepared his apartment by purchasing a “Welcome” mat for the front door, wanting Nikki’s heels to be the first to walk on it (I think he got the whole “Roll out the red carpet” expression confused with “Put out the $2 generic Welcome mat”). JustIgor felt that he’s ready to truly give the relationship a chance this time around, now that he’s a much more open minded person (As can be seen by his bracelet tattoo on his wrist that was really putting the “gei” in “Sergei”). 

He brought a giant bouquet of red roses (Ahem, Coltee), to woo his fiance as he waited patiently, like the good J Crew catalog model that he is. Finally Nikki arrived, lighting up the Moldy airport as she ran to Justin TimberlakeJr., hugging and kissing him as he seemed unsure of whether or not to participate. 

The two headed off through the city of Chisinau, which was home to Moldova’s premiere mall, aptly named Malldova (which for me, was the highlight of the episode and my week). They finally arrived at the “Creme De La Creme”, a Moldy patisserie shop full of gelatinous meat cakes and sweet blops, sure to tempt the taste buds (I write their copy). Justin worried that Nikki’s over-the-top look was gaining attention from fellow patrons, and wondered if everyone else was able to tell that she was trans. Given his concern, he felt the two should only go out in the daytime, avoiding the nightlife scene, so people wouldn’t think Nikki was a trans porn actress. Of course this was not going to fly with Nikki, who was now curious if the real reason JustIgor was keeping her indoors was because he was seeing someone and didn’t want to run into them out on the town. Prepare for next week, when we will undoubtedly hear more about concerns for Nikki’s safety and worrying about acceptance. And definitely more mold fun-facts…

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen

It was their first morning together in L.A. as Sophie put her shoes on to use the outhouse, surrounded by a delightful parade of flies (It’s the L.A. version of Cinderella, where the flies help her get dressed). Rob tried to make her see the bright side of walking to the bathroom; She gets to enjoy the beautiful patio, lined with old dog crates and discarded filing cabinets. He made his bride-to-be a cup of coffee in his en-suite kitchen, excited that they were finally waking up together in his little slice of Heaven. He tried to make Sophie feel like a snob for wanting a bathroom inside the house, as well as a table and chairs to sit and eat, maintaining that she should just be happy to be there instead of making him feel inadequate. 

Next up, Rob took Sophie down to Venice Beach to enjoy the natural beauty, away from the hustle and bustle of Englewood. She was admiring the ocean as well as the beachside apartments, which most likely had indoor plumbing. Rob suggested that Sophie ask her family for financial help if she was setting her sights on beachfront property, as his budget was more budget….like, the back of a Budget rental truck. He encouraged Sophie to ask her wealthy family for money so they could have a better life, though she was determined to make her ownn way without relying on any hand outs.
The topic shifted when Rob scrolled through his phone on Instagram, revealing a girl in a sexy outfit. Sophie didn’t appreciate “The Knob ” looking at women online, being that he had “cyber-cheated” while the two were still long distance. Apparently another woman had sent him sexy videos and messages and he responded in a flirtatious way (Though given the caliber of his dancing skills, I’m sure his flirtation game is sub par, to say the least). Sophie tried to bring up his past online indiscretions, but Rob immediately got defensive, trying to play off his sexy-chat, denying that it was cheating of any kind. He turned the conversation around, asking Sophie why she had been seen on dating apps, which she claimed were only to meet friends in a new area, so she could probably ask them to use their bathroom. So far, I’m not seeing many redeeming qualities in “the knob”…Maybe Sophie should just call Jibri or Jewel-io, one of his mentors.