Before the 90 Days; Season 6 Tell All Part 1 Recap

Though it seemed that this season of B90 dragged on, it somehow also feels like it just began. And yet, here we are….Tell All time.

Statler was the first one to enter the studio, letting everyone know the status of her bowels at the moment, making sure to take note of the toilet situation (She has to have over six diarrheas or she has to appear on stage… We abide by Mother Smitt rules around these parts). She encountered Meisha Meisha Meisha in the green room, sitting alone in her silky blue dress. Though Statler felt Meisha seemed welcoming and nice, she worried that her extreme newfound Catholic faith would probably clash with the gay factor. Riley and Crischon showed up next, color coordinating their outfits (I guess the most annoying cast members were asked to wear dusty pink and blue). All sounds stopped except a heartbeat as David came on the scene, using an interpreter (Less cute than the one in the Philippines) to help translate for him while on set. The group was talking smack about Amanda as she snickered on in, hair as straight and blanket-like as ever. Statler asked everyone to rate the most toxic couple, with the general consensus being Gino and Jasmania for the win (which may have been the only thing Gino has ever won…besides his very own Panamaniac to haunt him daily). Jasmine came in on cue, wearing a drab green ball gown, and church-lady updo, acknowledging the other castmate’s comments about her. 

On set, Shaun greeted everyone, introducing the entire staff of interpreters for David, before checking in with the rest of the bunch. Clearly Jasmine had made it to the U.S, David noticeably grew a beard, Razvan was dressed for the club that Kenny and Armando went to, and Cleo and Crichon were dressed like “Dumb and Dumber”. The new fiances, Meishcola, explained they had been waiting on a tourist Visa, working through their long distance relationship with way too much room for the holy spirit. Tyray was back on (though I almost forgot who he was), fully prepared to bore everyone with his catfish shenanigans. Statler and Dempsey were preparing to jump into the tiny caravan together, while Riley and Violet announced that they were no longer yelling at each other regularly (aka, in a relationship). 

Shaun started out with Gino and Jasmine, who was already complaining about the Michigan weather (Hopefully they make neon spandex floral puffy coats… Flashback to Paola). Shaun replayed clips of Jasmine discussing her and Gino’s sex life with her ex boyfriend, “Den”, as Gino’s hat lowered another inch or so with embarrassment. Jasmine tried to blame her disrespectful conversation with Den on Gino’s lack of sex drive, feeling like she had been repeatedly rejected and wanted male validation. She confessed that on her way out of town, she had a “goodbye dinner” with Den, which included a card, flowers, and happened to fall on Valentine’s Day- No big deal. The rest of the group had a hard time feeling that this Valentine’s Day “goodbye” dinner was as innocent as she tried to make it out to be. Jasmine tried to laugh it off, explaining that she had and Den had previously had sooo maaach sexy time that she’s no longer interested, which I’m sure eased Gino’s mind. Shaun cut to the chase, asking Jasmine to clarify if she really had made a sex video with Den as the rumors suggested, which was news to Gino. Jasmine admitted they did in fact make “Panama’s craziest home videos”, but months before beginning her relationship with the (extra mad) hatter. After that bombshell was dropped, Gino and Jasmine talked backstage, with Jasmine steamrolling him, telling him to deal with it.

Back on stage, Shaun moved on to Dempsey and Statler, showing some “unseen footage” of Statler taking a dump outside on the farm. ( So glad production was thre to roll that beautiful bean footage)

The two then let everyone know they planned on buying a motorhome to travel all over Europe. Statler explained her ability to up and leave would be easy being that she works remotely, though stressful since she’ll be the only one in the relationship making money. Though Statler’s anxiety was at an all time high over the idea of this whole “National Lampoon’s European Vacation”, she did seem thrilled about having a working toilet involved. Shaun also rolled the never before seen video of Dempsey “cleansing” Statler’s demons that live in her nether-region, by using sage and some kind of dinosaur egg that she inserted inside herself on camera (If that didn’t solidify this as the official “TMI” season, I don’t know what else could). Everyone else sat on stage horrified, as Dempsey and Statler laughed over their ridiculous antics. Shaun brought up the fact that Statler’s previous sexual proclivities were a bit risque, mentioning that she even had sex during mass, which of course made KneeCola’s ear perk up. He felt it was disrespectful, as did most of the cast. They then brought out Statler’s friend Natali with an I (No, not the questionable hooker one with the CRAZY eyes ), to discuss Stat’s past romances. Friend Natali seemed to feel like this relationship was moving at the bullet train pace that most of Statler’s relationships usually go, not seeing the “wow” factor about Dempsey. Statler felt Dempsey shuts down a lot and that the two have a hard time communicating. She suggested that they go try couples’ therapy, as Demps sat like a deer in headlights. Natali cried, wishing her friend luck, before exiting stage left (Possibly one of the most pointless guest appearances).

The attention then moved to Meisha, who had spent a year without laying eyes on her own personal Zohan, but she was excited to finally be reunited in New York a week after the Tell All. She also happily reported that her annulment from her first marriage had been granted by the Church, freeing her up to become Mrs. NEEcOLA. Surprisingly the most excited person was Jasmine, who was thrilled KneeKnee would be losing his V card (But not during the visit to Minnesota, only after marriage. Meisha.). Production played a montage of Nicola trying his hand at seduction, being that he was a 46 year old virgin, while everyone watching worried for the future of Meish’s sex life. Riley predicted the fate of the couple’s wedding night, doing a rather accurate impression, causing me to dislike him less for 45 seconds.

They then brought out Meisha’s daughters, Morea and Svea, to weigh-a in on their mother’s special friend. The girls worried that Nicola would be judgemental and ruin their social lives, with Statler concurring and foreseeing a bad situation. 

They replayed all of their struggles during the season, especially highlighting everyone’s favorite “You are most cute when you’re mute” moment. Statler was not shy voicing her concerns for Meisha and the Daughter’s Meisha, feeling like there are other Catholic fish in the sea. Backstage, Meisha called Nicola on video chat to discuss her embarrassment, while Jasmine separately discussed her negative opinions of Kneecola with Amanda, who is the embodiment of negativity. They all seemed to believe Nicola was going to drive everyone crazy with his holier than thou attitude and lack of empathy. Meisha.

Back on set, Shaun brought up Riley and Violet, rehashing all of their ridiculous war museum fights, romantic dinner fights, as well as that one time they both kind of smiled (Must have been gas). Riley tried to justify his reasons for wanting to hire a private investigator, with some of the cast taking his side, given the extreme shadiness of Violet. Meisha, on the other hand, found it absurd that he could be with someone he didn’t trust. Riley’s friend Tiffanie came out in her technicolor dream coat, asking Violet yet again why she refused to delete her online dating profile while the two were supposed to be in a relationship. Violet of course refused to answer any direct questions, and defaulted to crying. She tried to play it off like she was keeping the online dating app to check and see if RILEY was still currently active on there, who basically said the same thing. They only got to the topic of her fake pregnancy at the end of the show (Of course because everyone was waiting to hear what she had to say). Riley claimed that he didn’t use protection when sleeping with Violet that one time for 2 minutes, as he didn’t have any on him, since the two rarely even got along. He highly doubted a pregnancy would be possible, especially since she refused to see any English-speaking doctors who would be able to confirm a pregnancy and communicate the results. I guess we’ll see if there’s a baby Eurkel running around Vietnam blasting Kenny G in the next 9 months.

Looking forward to hearing Violet not answer these questions and more on Part 2!!