The OTHER Way; Season 5, Episode 2:

Holly & Wayne the Drain:

Holly and her mom Judy loaded 100 suitcases into the car, the likes of which we have not seen since Darcey last traveled. As they headed to the airport, Holly explained her fear of things not working out with Wayne because of her weird and erratic quirks. Mama Judy was less concerned with Hairy Holly’s mood swings and more worried about the crime in South Africa. She doesn’t want to leave her daughter in a place where she feels so uncomfortable, especially given the multiple break ins Wayne had already experienced. Though Holly acknowledged the safety concerns, she was more preoccupied with living out her true-love fairytale with her handsome prince (for the third time in her life).

Back in South Africa, Wayne the Drain (as known in the plumbing bizz) was thrilled to be driving to the airport to retrieve Rapunzel (plus one). Wayne felt a little nervous and concerned about having Holly’s mom stay with them, as the couple hadn’t seen each other in 8 months and he planned on asking her to “let her hair down”. He arrived at the airport, flowers in hand (Coltee!!), but his Disney princess was nowhere to be found. 

On the other side of the baggage claim, Holly was prancing around on her pale white chicken legs, looking everywhere for the “loo”, as she felt really sick. Unsure if it was nerves, a stomach virus, or the smell of her icky hair, she ran to the bathroom, worrying if she would be able to meet Wayne this way (But she does have to…Mother Sumit said she has to meet Wayne unless she has more than 6 diarrheas). After her bathroom explosion, Holly emerged wearing a skimpy blue dress and weird compression sock/boot situation.

Wayne was so thrilled to see his goth princess stagger towards him, as they hugged for an awkward amount of time. He then greeted Mama Judy, welcoming her to the land of The Lion King. Holly warned Wayne not to give her “true love’s first (of the day) kiss” since she may be sick, which Wayne found to be odd (But not as odd as the way she was awkwardly staggering around, eyes glazed over). Wayne was a bit concerned about Holly’s outfit choice, as her dress kept slipping every time she made one of her erratic movies and she seemed to be mildly flashing the airport guests. Can’t wait to see them go back to Wayne Manor! Hold on to your hats! (You actually might want to, in case you get robbed)….

Tejaswi “TJ” & Kimbally #2:

I gotta say….. I’m always excited when one of the couples is from India, so I was sooo maaach happy to see these two. 
Tejaswi (pronounced Tay Jaw Swee) is a voiceover actor from Jaipur, India (Rishi’s old stompin’ grounds). He lives in a decent part of town with his family, and explained that Indian culture is pretty traditional; The men work, the women cook and clean, and the cows….. Do whatever they want, which is my favorite part (Those India cows are like out of control teens on “Maury”). Feeling a little in touch with his spiritual side, TJ joined some kind of spirituality facebook group where he stumbled upon Keembully, a bubbly tarot card loving gal from Alabammer. He claimed to instantly know she was the one, and decided to manifest that she’d reply to his Facebook friend request. At first Kimballythesecond felt he was some kind of scammer (and now I’m just picturing all of the many assumed scammers in my spam folder manifesting that I will talk to them all the way from the middle east). 

After 6 months of online dating, Kimbully made the trip to India, where she stayed for an entire year on a student visa. TJ felt lucky that his parents accepted his “love” marriage to a foreigner, but he knew they would expect Kim to act like a traditional Indian bride….. So he decided not to tell her any details until after they were married. 

Showing up from Alabama is Kimberly, a self proclaimed clairvoyant (she sees things no one else call see), clairboyant (she floats before anyone else can float), and clairannoyant (she can annoy anyone with all of these “clairs”). As she gave a pretend reading to a rather goth client, Kimbally2 reenacted her dream of meeting her husband before even accepting TJ’s friend request (while the 90 Day production team showcased their AI video making skills).  After 6 months of online dating, TJ proposed via text message, though was rejected because proposing via text message is dumb. But after 2 months of in person dating, she reconsidered and the two are set to marry upon her return to Jaipur for good (Indian Jesus can officiate). 

As they video chatted, Kimbally2 asked if her groom-to-be had spoken to the wedding “designer”, worried about the outcome of her Big Fat Indian Wedding. She trusted him to pick the perfect shade of pink in her absence, though he seemed to not be one for attention to detail. After the couple gets married, they will be moving on up to a deluxe apartment in the….top of his Family TJ’s house. This apartment isn’t their own love nest but rather an addition to the already existing home and rules of the Family TJ. Keembully worried about having to follow such strict guidelines, especially when it comes to cooking. Apparently in India cooking garlic and onion together is frowned upon, as it has a pungent scent and is thought to be evil (Unlike all curry all the time…nothing pungent about that). This deeply worried Kimbally as an Alabamanian Italian American. To distract her from her worries, TJ asked her for a virtual card reading, which turned the mood right around.
Back in India, TJ and the Family TJ were discussing the upcoming wedding. Brother TJ was way too involved, causing more drama than necessary. He felt it was traditionally the bride’s family who were supposed to take care of the wedding, and seemed annoyed that their family would have to put on their party planner hats. The entire family scoffed at the idea of Kimbally wearing a white wedding dress, as red is customary in their culture. Mother TJ also explained that she felt a private bedroom is more than enough privacy for a newlywed couple. Knowing his family and fiance’s major cultural differences, TJ worried about what would happen when Kimbally2 came over for good. 

In Alabama, Kim was showcasing her Youtube channel “Positively Kim”, which mainly focused on positive affirmations for made up holidays. It isn’t as popular as you’d think, but it helps her get through the day. After that random tidbit, Kim met up with her father and stepmother at a trendy Alabamanian bowling alley. She talked about her parents’ divorce when she was young, and how it tore her family apart. She bounced from house to house after a bitter custody battle, finally living with her dad and later on her stepmother. BabyGirlKimbally2 struggled to talk about her rocky relationship with her mother, which really showcased the fact that she had a lot of unresolved issues from her past.  While feeling emotional, she also told the cameras that she worried that TJ doesn’t validate her feelings and brushes everything off… and refuses to pantone match the right color pink for the wedding. I’m not sure how someone with so many “clairs” can’t see this isn’t going to go according to plan. 

Looking forward to seeing more of these two! Hoping Mother Smitt is invited to the wedding!!!

Karmando:

The little trio woke up for their first day living in Mexico City. Armando was still feeling a bit salty about relocating to Mexico City, trying to prove to Kenny that their new locale was not all it was cracked up to be. As a power move, he made Kenny go into the mercato alone (first of all, that’s “Market”, Kenny, and we all know that it’s been 5 seasons and you still doesn’t know a taco from a burrito). 

Kenny strolled through the market anxiously, doing his best to buy chicken, but failing miserably when it came to salt and pepper. He explained (for the first time ever) that he does have a learning disability which has made ha-baling Espan-yole more challenging (Ok fine… .but really in 5 years you couldn’t learn “pollo”??). Armando laughed as he watched, only feeling a little drop of guilt, but mostly trying to drive home the fact that Mexico City may be a very hard place for Kenny to navigate, being that he only knows the words “cuatro” and “Yo quiero Taco Bell”.

Unable to get Armandy on board, Kenny worked on little Hannah, telling her all of the advantages of being #TeamMexicoCity. He realized it would be hard for her to move even further away from her Grandmother than they already were, but Hannah- so sweet, acknowledged that Kenny also moved far away from all 4 of his ninas y ninos (that’s your kids, Kenny. I can’t keep doing this for you…). Armando was a bit overwhelmed at the thought of moving, and didn’t want to move somewhere he felt unsafe because he felt guilty that Kenny left his familyso they could be together. Armando feels he’s always taking care of everything and doing most of the shopping and translating, since the Kendoll doesn’t understand anything except for skincare. Kenny should really tell Armano “Estas enojado”, but he wouldn’t even know where to begin (It means “you’re salty”, Kenny, and he definitely is!)

Jewel-Eyo & Kirsten:

Back at the airport… Kirsten was still stuck in customs, as Julio tapped his red roses (see, Coltee??) waiting anxiously. She eventually surfaced, like a beautiful fresh-out-of-the-box Barbie doll with one emotion meeting up with her Ken. The two hugged and pecked hello, as they flatly discussed her trip and issues with Customs. Apparenlty Customs had said they didn’t know they were filming for 90 Day, and thought it might be for Locked up Abroad, as they quiestioned if Kirsten was trying to smuggle in drugs.

As they headed out onto the world’s largest parking lot (better known as the Long Island Expressway), Kirsten was impressed with seeing all of the different cars and even a school bus- just like in the movies! She was also hoping to see “The guy with the big thing in his hand”, locally known as The Statue of Liberty, which is located on that island in that water.

Julio booked a room for the night in NYC, so his blonde beauty could really experience the big apple before heading out to Lawn Guyland. Unfortunately she was less than impressed with the bright lights and big buildings, as Kirsten was more focussed on Julio’s big move. They sat at the hotel bar, discussing their future together in, what I call “That place where that stepdodder lived and it is an illusion” (That’s “The Netherlands”, Kenny, and I hope Jesse appears in an upcoming episode). Julio seemed hypnotized by her perfectly white teeth, as he agreed to leave his life in the US behind to frolick with Kirsten in some wooden shoes. In preparation for the big move, he claimed to have downloaded “Dutch 101”, but made it 5 minutes before it got way too Ikea for his liking (And I’m definitely not learning Dutch to translate for him. Kenny is too much work for me already). These two seem to have potential to work, but also the potential to make me lose interest.

Brandan & Mary:

Brandan was heading on one last fishing trip with his Godparents before his big move to The Philippines. They cast their lines into the water, as Mary slept via satellite. His Godparents, who had tried their best to be tolerant of the annoying phone dependency, tried to bring up the issues with this obsessive relationship. Apparently Brandan had lost a few jobs in the past 2 years, since they wouldn’t permit him to be on the phone for the entire shift, and Mary couldn’t bear to have him out of her sight. They also mentioned that he had been sending all of his paychecks directly to Mary, who was supposed to be using them to build a house for them to live together in the Philippines along with her family.They were concerened (though kind of laughing at the same time) that Brandan might have been take advantage of, and questioned why he would hand all of his money over to someone he hadn’t even met yet. Brandan, however, trusted Mary completely, and was dreaming of finally being together. 

 It was finally the big day, and Brandan packed approximately three small bags with everything he owned for the move, leaving the comfort of the RV behind. On the car ride over, he admitted to his Godparents that he was nervous (good thing Mary was sleeping on the phone while he said that or he would’ve been in trouble). There had been talk of his mother showing up to the airport to say goodbye, and after the super-mature Godparents (who couldn’t stop giggling during filming) dumped him off, she was waiting there. Despite her opposition to the move and the kooky relationship with the stage 5 clinger, Mother Brandan supported his decisions. She felt badly that they had lost so much time together due to her addiction, and realized he would now be so far away and under the thumb of a new dictator. Brandan was relieved to see his mom there, as they had an emotional hug goodbye (Also not Mary approved). 

He then went through security, with Mary by his side and boarded his first flight towards the rest of his life (Good thing he wasn’t wanded down by any TSA officers…that’s basically cheating). 

On his first flight, he somehow lost WIFI signal, causing him to temporarily lose contact with sleeping beauty. He tried sending her a message as soon as he could, only to be screamed at for sitting next to a member of the opposite sex, who of course had been assigned the seat. Brandan tried to explain that he had no interest in his random co-passenger, as Mary spiraled out of control. She hung up, texting him that he may as well not come, since she was basically being cheated on. Though Brandan realized this was the most ridiculous fight of all time, he asked to change seats so Mary’s head wouldn’t explode. 

Can’t wait to see how these two are in person, and how Mary will handle Brandan living with other women (like her grandmother and niece).