The Other Way; S4 EP 14

Jen & Rishi:
Jen and her girl gang wiggled down the street, wearing outfits that revealed every nook and cranny, as they stopped for an authentic cup of chai (Which they probably thought only slightly compared to the one at Starbucks). They discussed the Rishi situation with Jen only thinking the current hurdle would be finding a place for them to live that the family Rishi would approve of (as Mother Rishi made it seem she was cool with the relationship in front of Jen’s creepy face, but once she left, it was another story…..). Jen was anxious to discuss things with Rishi, as she needed to make sure he was truly committed to leaving the family compound, even if it meant disappointing his roommates. 
Next thing ya know it was finally time for Rishi to come over to discuss the big family meeting with Jen. The “squad” left to go Saree shopping (hopefully at the store where that little guy tries on all your clothes for you). 
Rishi arrived at the apartment greeting Jen warmly with a “How’s You?” and a kiss, though she seemed to pull back. She wanted to seriously discuss where they would be living after their “Big Fat Indian Wedding” as she didn’t feel like living with the family Rishi would be her first choice. Though she feared Rishi would be unable to be away from his clan, he reassured her they could get their own apartment, as long as it was in the same city. That compromise made a joker-eque smile form across Jen’s face, though it quickly changed when she learned that the Family Rishi were “age-ists”. Indian Jesus explained that he was also bothered by the age difference since the beginning, knowing it wouldn’t fly with his family (Since he watched 87 seasons of Jenny & Stewmeat. At least Jen doesn’t have “fat arms”). Jen accused him of wasting her time, as he was unable to stand up for their relationship. It seemed as though the two finally realized that this wasn’t going to work, and tearfully parted ways. Hopefully Rishi got the translator’s number, and if not…I’m signing him up for “Indian Matchmaking”. He’s only getting out of this if he has 6 or more diarrheas…

Gabe & Isabel:

It was finally the big day, as Gabe excitedly got himself together for the wedding. His mother shimmered in her sparkly dress, handing Gabe a pair of scissors so he could trim his nose hairs (his male transition is clearly complete). Unfortunately his excitement simmered, as he received a text from his sister Monica, who let him know she would not be attending the wedding. Apparently the night before they had plans to all go out together, but Isabel was running late due to last minute wedding errands. Monica flipped out, made snide remarks, and continued to text Gabe nasty comments for the rest of the night. Sparkly Mother Gabe tried to encourage him to let the whole Monica drama go so he could enjoy his wedding day, though it was easier said than done. Gabe plopped himself down on the bed to cuddle with his emotions, delaying his “getting ready” time for the wedding.
Meanwhile, Isabel was pregaming by having a cup of coffee with her dad. He seemed genuinely excited for the wedding, which reassured Isabel that she was making the right decision. 
As she headed to the venue with her ladies in waiting, Isabel realized that Gabe did not arrive early as he had promised. She got a text message from him saying he’d be late, which was shocking since his only responsibility was to shower and put pants on (again, transition complete). Feeling completely stressed out, Isabel began running around to put on the last minute touches (which included the strategic placement of a blue fish statue and favors). 
It was getting close to showtime and there was still no sign of Gabe. Eventually they showed him still laying in bed, upset by the Monica situation, as his mom tried desperately to get him to get a move on. Sister Monica has a hint of Asuelu’s Sister Tammy, if you ask me…
#CurlyHairedSisterVillains

Debbie & Oussama Bin Lyin’:

Back in Morocco at the “Miracle Snack Shack”….
Oussama met up with his sister Asmaa to discuss the recent Debbie fallout situation. Asmaa knew about the couples’ fight, as Debbie had stopped by the house to grab her belongings and say goodbye to the donkey (and upholstered toilet seat, which might have been one of Oussama’s art pieces). Oussama blamed the couples’ final fight on Debbie interrupting him during arts & crafts time, conveniently leaving out the part where he demanded to come to the US “or else”. He explained that Debbie wanted to move to Rabat and get an apartment together, but since he was a struggling artist (accent on the struggling), he would be unable to afford the move. There seemed to be something lost in translation, as Debbie thought she was permanently moving to Morocco to marry her wonky-eyed artist, and they could OCCASSIONALLY come to the U.S. to visit. Osaumma’s interpretation, on the other hand, was more of a “We’re moving to the U.S. so I can write crappy poems and eat Ramen on your couch” idea, which Debbie was unaware of. It seemed that O-man tried to brush aside his rude and nasty comments, saying he couldn’t be held accountable for what he says when he’s angry, which apparently can happen at a moment’s notice. Sister Asmaa seemed all too familiar with her brother’s “M*therF*cker” attitude, and was used to sweeping her feelings under the rug, unlike the sassy Miss Debbie. Oussama still insisted that he loved his elder-fiance, and wanted to try and make amends, realizing his chance at becoming Piccasso was on the line.

Next we saw Debbie sashay out of her hotel towards the car to meet up with Oussama. She looked fabulous in her sophisticated off-white lace and chiffon outfit, wide brimmed straw hat, and novelty tiger purse, as she set out towards the “Caw-fay”. Debbie tried without luck to order several alcoholic beverages as she waited, but settled on a caffe latte, bummed out that Jimmy Buffet didn’t have a “Margaritaville” location in Morocco. 
Oussama arrived with his tail between his legs, semi-apologizing but at the same time trying to tell Debbie to ignore all of the crappy comments he makes when angry. Debbie continued to reprimand him for the way he had acted, as the two discussed their troubled relationship. O-Som felt that he misunderstood  Debbie, thinking she was coming  to Morocco to get married as a means to fill out paperwork for him to come to the U.S. She didn’t appreciate that Ossauma was only thinking of their marriage as his one way ticket, and not as a display of the couple’s bizarre and unimaginable love for each other. She spoke slowly and decisively to him, letting the crazy-eyed self proclaimed “mf-er” know he shouldn’t let his “mouth write a check his a$$ can’t cash”. After letting him down with a stern talking-to, Debbie grabbed her straw hat and left. 
She went back to the hotel to pack up her peacock fans, kaftans, and pride, to head back to the U.S. She felt the entire relationship was nothing but lies, and she was now a much wiser Debbie for leaving the situation. She rode off to the airport singing “I Will Survive” in her head all the while, realizing that her kids were right, and she needed to wake up from her Moroccan fantasy. She does feel she will come away stronger and wiser, claiming that “Debbie wins” (which would look great on a mug). I hope they at least had booze on her flight home…

Kris, Her Clown Outift & Jeymi:

Kris dazzled the entire airport with her sequined face mask/shirt combo and red bucket hat, having previously beat-up a clown to steal their jacket to really complete the look. She arrived in Colombia, unsure of what the future would be with Jeymi since they had their 5 month hiatus. 
They reunited on the apartment steps, with Jeymi noticing immediately that Kris conveniently “lost” her wedding ring (or hocked it for some “neck relief”). They started things off by warming up in front of the fireplace and making out, before Kris decided to dive into dealing with their issues. The two discussed things briefly before signing off. 
The next morning they felt much more comfortable than the night before, as Kris explained they broke the ice by dancing in matching furry onesies (with no neck pain in sight…).
Kris arranged for them to go swimming at an indoor pool to celebrate Jeymi’s birthday. This was a make-up birthday event as Kris missed being with Jeymi on her birthday, claiming her lengthened stay was because  her son got into some trouble and she had to help. Kris arranged for the pool party to have special decorations, as well as cheeseballs (Jeymi’s favorite snack and her taste in women) as well as a red velvet cake. 
Jeymi did appreciate the gesture, and the two played around in the pool, with Jeymi hanging around Kris’s neck, slightly choking her and somehow- no one was screaming in pain. 

After the pool party, Jeymi brought up the couple’s issues, trying to let Kris know how her 5 month hiatus had affected her. Kris listened, shocking her beak with the red velvet cake before becoming angry and combative. She tried to blame her delayed return on “being a mother” (when she was really just Oussama’s brand of “Mother”/….effer). As Jeymi continued to listen to her blabber, she became increasingly more frustrated, and spoke loudly to get Kris’s attention. Kris freaked out, turning into a scary, screaming banshee, before calling Jeymi names and storming off (running away while moving her neck freely, might I add). Jeymi needs to put that onesie in the fireplace…

Daniele & Yohan:

After the disastrous meet up with Daniele’s ex boyfriend Taylen last week to see how he would “measure up”, Yohan decided to meet up with him alone to apologize. And where else would two men over 6’5” hang out?? The basketball court, of course! Yohan totally sucked at b-ball (which may be why he’s constantly reiterating the size of “little Yohan”). 
After he was done being a basketball dud, the two rival tall males sat to discuss their mutual treasure troll, Daniele. Yohan began to apologize before diving in to discuss Danieles’s controlling and bossy ways. He discussed her unwillingness to compromise, and feeling like he has no say in the relationship.Taylen confirmed that Daniele always wants to get her way, which caused Yohan to question if he wanted to be bossed around by an Oompa Loompa for his entire life.
After the big meet up, Yohan walked along the beach with Daniele to discuss the state of their relationship.  After complimenting how she squished herself into a lace-up one piece swimsuit, he told her of his bro-time and desire to have more say in their marriage. Daniele, as expected, was unwilling to budge, basically saying she didn’t want to deal with anyone who would embarrass her when they didn’t get their way. She continued to shut him out, telling him to shut up, and eventually waddled off to go float alone in the ocean. I have no dog in this fight, but if a hungry shark came by at that moment, she might have deserved it. (I hope said shark has a taste for Herbal Essence scrunch spray, otherwise it might have to spit out that bleached curly straw).