The Other Way; S4, EP 11

Rishi & Jen:

Back in the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Salon & Spa”, Rishi was still trying to defend himself to Jen over the fact that he was flirting with her undercover friend on the internet. He tried to convince Jen that he knew the messages were coming from her friend Randi, which is why he played along and sent the half naked Indian Jesus pictures (which were Catfishing altogether, as clearly he’s had a few more samosas since those photos were taken. I could almost hear Tom ask “Did you put weight on?”). In the name of transparency, Rishi handed his phone over to Jen so she could investigate his online interactions. Conveniently all of the messages were written in Hindi (except one message from an Instagram user named @Mother_Smee asking to borrow some nasal floss…)
The meddling Friends Jen (Internet temptress Randi and Myra) planned a little drop in visit to Jaipur to check in on Jen and stir the curry pot.
After making the long journey via planes, trains, and angry cab rides, the two gal pals finally descended in Jaipur. Not standing out at all….
Jen greeted them at the bus depot as they all took turns screeching and making high pitch noises. The ladies piled into the tiny tricycle cab and braved the Jairpurian traffic (which included a drive-by vomiting and possibly some homeless garbage cows).

When they reached the apartment, Jen gave the gals a quick house tour, inciting a lot of cackling, as they headed up to the rooftop for drinks and a chat. Jen told her friends that Rishi had asked that they wait to tell his parents for a few more months, as per his best friend/astrologist’s advice. They further called BS on Rishi when hearing that Jen and the Indian Fabio were refraining from intimacy until marriage. Temptress Randi, in her infinite wisdom, felt that if he wasn’t making moves on Jen, he was most likely making moves on someone’s else. #SareeNotSorry

It was finally time for Jen’s girl gang to meet Rishi. They headed to some sort of palace restaurant, where Rishi was waiting (showing off a little too much cleavage in his sexy plain white necked-out tee). He felt somewhat uncomfortable meeting Randi, as they had their little fake internet interlude, but greeted her with a warm hug pressed firmly against his cleavage. They all sat down at the table and immediately began discussing Rishi’s prospective brides. He tried to explain away the arranged marriage situation, but had a hard time keeping up with his conflicting stories.
Eventually Jen ran away from the table crying, as she felt embarrassed that her fiance was still on the market. In her absence, Rishi and the girls were left to awkwardly chat about the spiciness of the palace cuisine. (Rishi better hurry up and have 6 or more diarrheas to be able to get out of this situation…)

Daniele & Yohan:

The couple were still at odds after last week’s fight, where Daniele wanted Yohan to meet her ex boyfriend/close friend who happened to be in town. It was the big guy’s birthday this week, and Daniele felt it best to call a temporary “truce” for the occasion. She got in touch with her spiritual advisor “Baba” for advice, who explained the only  logical thing to do when trying to make peace after a fight; Cover a coconut in crushed up eggshell and kick it around the apartment for a bit. Though some may be skeptical, it actually seemed to have worked, as Yohan wanted to join in on the coconut soccer fun, and the two bonded over the new sport.

Next, Danielle was attempting to plan a surprise birthday party for Yohan, which of course meant she would need a cake. She waddled over to a bakery with a lot of unique prospects in the case, only to learn that the customization portion of the day had ended. The cake salesman was hardly in the mood to sell her a cake, let alone have the lady with the good frosting abilities stay late to write on it. In the end, she annoyed the cakes store employee enough to weasel a cake out of him, and manifested “Happy Birthday Yohan” around the bottom.

Later that night, Danielle took Yohan to what he thought was going to be a simple birthday dinner, but was really a 20+ person surprise party with the entire Family Yohan in attendance. He seemed very touched and happy about the party, thanking everyone for being there and making it possible, including God, but somehow neglecting to mention Daniele. Even Father Lurch/Yohan mentioned a “Thank you, Daniele” was in order, but Yohan refrained, causing Daniele to get upset and Ooompa Loomp her way out of the party. Though he was still annoyed with her, Yohan followed her out, pretending not to understand why she was so upset. He finally admitted he was being petty since she had already ruined the mood the day before with the whole “Come meet my ex boyfriend” idea, and despite the party, maintained that she had ruined his birthday. The two bickered back and forth with Danielle ultimately deciding to leave the party alone, ready to reevaluate her life choices (Guess that coconut soccer didn’t work after all….. $5 says she was on the phone with Baba on the car ride home, who hopefully made up another useless activity instead of telling her to actually communicate with our husband and stop acting like a bossy treasure troll). 

Debbie & Ossama:

After last week’s romantic poetry slam, it was finally time for Debbie and Ossama to head to his hometown to meet the parents Ossama. Debbie directed O-Som as he loaded the luggage into the car, randomly shouting things like “Who da man?!” and “You large and in charge!” (Ya know, stuff “the kids” say these days…) As they rode on to Khemisset, Debbie couldn’t help but be riddled with nerves about meeting her future in-laws. Ossama tried his best to convince her that his family was okay about their age difference, and only cared about what was in her heart (despite any pacemakers or clogged arteries)

Back at the family home, Mother Ossama was busy rushing around, preparing a feast for the guest of honor. The whole family welcomed Debbie with a tempting shmear of finger foods. Father Ossama showed off his wacky tea pouring skills that he aquired at TPAOM (Tea Pouring Academy of Morocco) which impressed Debbie endlessly. She clapped with joy and compliments before pointing out how she could see where Ossama got his keen eye from (only one though..). Debbie immediately pointed out the age difference between the couple, asking the family about their thoughts on the relationship. 
The Family admitted to thinking it was a bit strange, but we’re glad someone else enjoyed listening to O-Som’s awful poetry so they no longer had to. Mother Ossama sat silently, looking nervous for the entire segment, while Sister Ossama made small talk (clearly she must’ve been adopted…)

All in all the visit seemed to go surprisingly well, and things were looking up for the unlikely couple….that was until a preview for next week showed Ossaama demanding that Debbie bring him to the US. He’s going to need to up that poetry game.. 

Gabe & Isabel: 

The newly engaged couple were still on cloud 9 after the Family Isabel gave their blessings for marriage. They headed home to speak with an immigration lawyer, as they only had a small amount of time to get married before Gabe’s Visa ended. The lawyer let them know that Gabe would need his birth certificate in order for the couple to get married, which currently mismatched his anatomical situation. Unfortunately Gabe claimed to have lost a lot of important paperwork years back when he was transitioning, and only somehow just realized this was a problem. Isabel was disappointed and frustrated with Gabe’s carelessness, especially because it meant he’d have to head back to Floriduh to get things in order. 

Besides not wanting to be away from his new Fiancé, Gabe also worried about facing his mom and sister, who were now the last to know he had gotten engaged. 
(And I’m just wondering how Colombia was cool with Jeymi marrying Kris with all of her shenanigans and yet going to deny old Gabe…..)

Kris & Jeymi:

Now back in the States, Kris sat down to video chat with her new wife Jeymi. The conversation started out rather chumy but quickly went South, when Jeymi accused Kris of avoiding her and not wanting to come back to Colombia. Kris claimed she was overstaying her original deadline due to the fact that the couple needed money to live, and she was able to get every and any odd job to scrimp and save for the couples’ future. Some of these jobs mentioned included manual labor, which apparently has no impact on her neck and back injuries….

Jeymi, who was sick with the ‘Rona for the second time, was currently unemployed, and had been relying on Kris for financial support. Kris felt frustrated that she was doing everything she could for Jeymi financially, though neglecting making any attempt to call or pick up the phone. Feeling like she was being wrongfully accused of not making effort for the relationship, Kris got up and stormed away from her computer (rather effortlessly running away, at that), all while wearing some festive “upper arm bandages” that I’m sure were purely decorative….and not from her happy meds at all….

I was kind of hoping she was just going to fall asleep during the conversation because…….narcolepsy.