90 Day- The OTHER way; S4, EP1

This season of “The Other Way” could not have come soon enough! After a never ending season of “Happily Ever After” with the same old cast of washed up characters, it was nice to finally get some fresh meat! The previews look to have a lot of drama, ridiculous storylines, and yet another batch of lovesick foreigners ready to go “dey” for love.

Kris & Jeymi, J-Me, Jamie:
First on this season there was Kris, a “40” year old single mother of 2 from Alabama (I’m going to say that’s a “rounding down” type of situation). She pranced around her front yard in an array of adult onesies from Walmart, reminiscent of Ella from the worst season of ” 90 Days” that ever existed. After two failed marriages, Kris came to the realization that boys are overrated, and decided to try out for the other team. She decided to go on a *say it with me now* “International dating site” where she met Jeymi, a Venezuelan girl living in Colombia. The two had been talking on said international dating site, but had never officially met. Once Kris learned about Jeymi’s dangerous dealings with Covid, she decided not to waste another minute apart. She planned to pack herself up, leaving her kids and Southern fried life behind to move to Colombia (Unfortunately Bogota, not my favorite 90 Day city, Bucaramunga) where the couple would meet for the first time and marry in only 9 days.
Before skipping town, Kris had moved into her mother’s house with her two grown children. She decided to throw a garage sale, seeing as how her mother had a very inviting garage, with the words “NO TRESPASSING” spray painted in a calming shade of blue across the door. Kris’s daughter “Starr” (whom she had when she was only 16, and didn’t realize that the word star has only 1 “R”) felt the move was a bit risky and over the top. Her son, Dayne, on the other hand, had a more “YOLO” approach to the whole situation.
Meanwhile in Colombia…
Jeymi was trying on lingerie with a lot of assistance from a very attentive store employee, as she discussed her sexual orientation. Coming from a very conservative upbringing in Venezuela, Jeymi couldn’t understand or come to terms with why her relations with the mens doesn’t control her. She sought help from a therapist who pointed out that she might be gay, which seemed to be her lightbulb moment (She also discussed all of this while drawing very poorly on a piece of paper taped up to a blank white wall in an empty apartment. Must’ve been Mahogany’s place…)
Jeymi discussed her long distance relationship with “40 year old” Kris, who she claims is everything she could want with a bonus of onesies. Jeymi took a break from her busy schedule of coloring in empty apartments to video chat with her friends from back home. 
She told them about her excitement for Kris’s arrival, even though her friends brought up the couple’s struggles during their long distance romance thus far. Apparently Jey mi had talked to another woman from the very same dating app she had met Kris on. This mystery woman happened to live in Texas, which made J-Me’s intentions seem questionable.. Kris had gotten wind of the internet infidelity, and disappeared from all communication for multiple days. Despite their brief bout of weirdness, the two made up and were still committed to meeting and starting a life together…..after 9 days. 

Back in Alabama, Kris was working on restoring her “dream house”, which was her old house that had been burnt in a fire. As she pretended to remove wallpaper and sheetrock without gloves, her mother entered the charred premises to discuss her upcoming move. Kris told the cameras that she had planned to renovate the multi family house as an income property (though I’m assuming she’ll have a hard time working on it from Colombia. She’d have a better chance of making it as a model in Bucaramunga..just sayin’). Another issue that could stand in her way besides moving to another country, is the fact that she has narcolepsy (I’m guessing power tools aren’t a great idea, and it now makes sense that she wears onesies, in case a nap should occur). Kris is also giving up her job at a shipping company and part time school security guard (also perfect for someone with narcolepsy). I’m hoping that they…………………..

Oh sorry, I fell asleep. Ok, that wasn’t nice, but I’m buying my ticket for this train wreck!

Danielle & Johan:

Danielle and Johan are new-ish to the 90 Day Crew. They first appeared on that awful “Love in Paradise” 90 Day spinoff that just seemed to miss the mark, but made such an impression that they landed a spot in the big leagues. Danielle is a very short woman from New Yawk City, who spends her days teaching high school history, and her evenings doing yoga (and apparently get bumped into everywhere on the street in Manhattan… her whole NYC montage was people knocking her over and saying “watch it!”). After multiple failed relationships, she decided to take a trip to the Dominican Repooblick where she met a man named Pedro. His mother served her chicken feet and…… oh wait…wrong story!  She met a striking hotel employee named Yohan, who stands at a striking 2 feet taller than the very short Dinyell. The two seemed to feel like they had an instant connection, despite their language barrier and ability to hear each other (like I mentioned, two feet height discrepancy). Though Danielle’s friends were concerned that Johan could be more of a “Sanky Panky” (which is I suppose and island term for “Yahoo boy”, which is a Nigerian term for “Sojaboy”), Danielle felt the connection was real, and chose to move forward by marrying her vacation boy toy with the intention of bringing him back to the states. Though after returning from tropical island funtimes, she realized she had enough of the NY grind, and wanted to give it up for la isla bonita. This newest revelation was something she didn’t yet share with Johan, who was probably in this whole thing as part of a “Pedro/Chantel” scenario, and was looking forward to kicking someone during Thanksgiving dinner, and later on becoming your favorite neighborhood realtor. 

Danielle met with her girlfriends before her latest trip to the DR, where she planned to stay indefinitely.This of course was a big change from her original plan to move to the DR for a year until Johan’s spousal Visa was approved. Her friends tried to remind her of all of the opportunities she would be giving up by leaving the big apple to live on the beach and eat mangoes. Though Danielle wasn’t sure how she was going to pay for her new tropical lifestyle, she didn’t fret, since she “positively manifested it” with some crystals she bought in Chinatown. 
Danielle finally arrived in her new homeland and was greeted by Johan, who brought with him a small bouquet he had picked from the side of the road (still better than Coltee…). As they drove along the highway with the beautiful beachside views, Danielle tried to start planting the idea that the couple should stay put. Johan was immediately shocked to hear that his new bride was already changing her tune, as he was really looking forward to indoor plumbing and pizza rats. It should be interesting to see his reaction when he learns that Danielle conveniently forgot to file for the spousal visa….(I’m sure she manifested it, though)

Jennifer & Rishi:

Jennifer is a 46 year old independent woman who lived a bit of a non conformist, nomadic lifestyle. She told her story from her current landing pad; Her family’s farm in Oklahoma. As she fed a hog and mucked a stall, she discussed the current love of her life- a 32 year old man and Mike Jones replacement, Rishi from India. Jen had met Rishi while on a solo trip to India (most likely after reading “Eat Pray Love” for the umpteenth time). While in the lobby of her hotel, she met Rishi, who was there for a modeling job. You see, Rishi is a successful model/ personal trainer with the prettiest curly locks of all the manfolk in India, so much so that he is often referred to as “Indian Jesus”). He went in depth about his hair care routine (which contained onion oil, but no mayo, thankfully…), confessing that he spends over an hour every other day to maintain his manly mane. But don’t be fooled by all of that superficial business… Rishi made sure to make a point to talk about his law degree from the prestigious “School of Law” (that was, before he attended “School of Models” and “School of Fitness”). After their chance encounter, the two seemed inseparable during the trip, and after only one month, Rishi decided to propose. Jen happily accepted before having to return to the states. She had every intention of moving forward with My Big Fat Indian Wedding (which of course she would have to brag to Jenny about ,since it only took one month instead of 765 years….) when C ovid hit and the borders were closed.
Being so far apart made Jen spin a bit out of control, causing her to leave Rishi some incoherent and desperate video messages (that he luckily saved and submitted for the show). 
Her brother, Charles (Don’t worry, he’s got nothing on you, Charlie, bro…), felt like this whole moving to India for a random personal trainer/Indian Jesus thing was yet another wacky plan by his sleepy-eyed sister (no known Narcolepsy detected). Though he advised against moving across the world, he realized his sister was old enough to make her own awful decisions, and let her know she could always crash in one of the barn stalls when all was said and done. 

I may just be spoiled from previous seasons, but I do expect some degree of Nasal flossing from this couple. And maybe an appearance from a disapproving Mother Smitt, who has nothing to do with anything. But if she was in the neighborhood, she should definitely stop by….

Gabe & Isabelle:

We first met 32 year old Gabe while he was busy at work, making faux Penises in his home studio. Just your average work week…
Gabe hails from Margate, Florida (Ironically very close to my hometown, and I can attest that it looks way nicer on camera than in reality). He began his business of making underwear with a fake male bulge, as a means for trans men to have an easier time trying to look like they’re packin’. Gabe is somewhat of an expert on the subject as he himself is trans. While traveling to Colombia to source new underwear manufacturers, he happened to meet Isabelle through a mutual friend. He gushed over the two’s instant connection, and was thrilled to know she seemed unbothered by the fact that he was trans. Gabe decided to rent an apartment in Colombia (again, not even Bucaramunga), where Isabelle came to live with him for the duration of his trip. He now plans to pack all of his “packers” away so he can move to be with his long distance love.

Gabe took a break from his busy schedule of dancing around in his underwear and cowboy hat on the median to meet up with his buddy Kion, a fellow trans-am (oh wait, that’s a car..).
Kion reminded Gabe that things might not be as free and open in South America, and he might not have a solid support system. Gabe remained excited, especially since Isabelle’s family seemed to have taken a shine to him. Despite the fact that they all got along so well, the family Isabelle  had no idea about Gabe’s past, though he intended to tell her father as soon as he proposed. 

Before heading down to South America, Gabe stopped by a tattoo parlor to get an official “Isabelle” tattoo at his sister’s boyfriend’s tattoo shop. Gabe’s sister stopped by to heckle her lovesick brother, as she listed all of the previous dumb things he had done in the name of love. Sister Gabe revealed that Isabelle had children, something Gabe had conveniently left out in his intro) and tried to remind him that taking on kids is a big responsibility. She worried that Gabe was being taken advantage of, and the only thing he’d soon be “packin’” would be a broken heart.

I am looking so mach forward to watching all of the ridiculousness of this season play out!