HEA S7, Tell All Part 4

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the (90) Days of our lives…. Yell All part 4.

The fourth and final installation of the Yell All began with Michael finding Usman conveniently located in the same hotel. He went to discuss all of the infighting with Angela, asking that the local talent give peace a chance. They went back and forth, discussing Angela’s controlling behavior, lightly brushing over Michael’s infidelity. I tried to pay attention to the rest of the conversation but there were too many competing patterns between the walls and their outfits that I seized for a bit. When I came to, it appeared that they had come to some kind of understanding and Michael conveniently forgetting that this little meetup was going to lead to a Meemaw Smackdown. 

Back on set, Kim walked with Yara towards the stage, making a joke about “Soul Train” (which neither her age nor her Ukrainian background would allow her to understand). Shaun opened this week by discussing Yara’s new boobs (which she lovingly named “Darcey” and “Stacey”). Yara felt much better now that her boobs no longer looked like “empty trash bags with pepperonis”. Jovi of course was equally as pleased, as it made him feel like the strip club had Ubered over to his place. Angela yelled out some tips and tricks for boob job recovery, as she seems to be an expert on the subject. Shaun mentioned that a little birdie told her Jovi had left Yara during her recovery process to take a trip with friends to Africa (hopefully not to the place where Michael and Usman were filming… wouldn’t want Jovi to freak out with the patterns).
Mother Jovi (aka Mama Gween) appeared on screen to give her take on whether or not Jovi was a dirt bag for leaving Yara 10 days after she had elective surgery to go on a trip he had planned 6 months prior. Everyone jumped down Jovi’s throat, trying to make him feel inconsiderate and selfish, while Yara admitted she gave him full permission to visit Ronald and Syngin’s homeland (just make sure not to get locked in Ronald’s blue room).
After that pointless chat, they moved on to the topic of Jovi wanting to become a two-time craw-dad. Mama Gween feels like having another child would be too much for the couple at this point, as Yara is already overwhelmed being alone with baby Mylah during Jovi’s “three weeks on” for work. Undrrrrei seemed to feel like Jovi was just trying to tie Yara down with another baby so she won’t leave him for Yore-Up, especially since he claimed Jovi was not the best looking guy (because he has to speak his “troof”). They also discussed the big fight between Jovi and Mama Gween earlier in the season that I had completely forgotten about because damn this was a long season….. Jovi had the nerve to yell at his mother about making more of an effort to drive two hours each way to his house to help Yara with Baby Mylah while he was away at work. Gwen felt that though she loves her granddaughter and wants to see her, she didn’t remember signing up to become an au pair.

Shaun then played clips from Yara’s “Save the Ukraine ” sweater tour, which segued into the topic of her Yoropean apartment. Jovi was adamantly against this idea, and enjoyed the support of the majority of the cast. Yara desperately tried to explain that this apartment would be her own little nest egg, in case Jovi went to one too many strip clubs and she needed an escape plan. Of course Jovi hated this idea, and maintained that the family should stay together, even discussing a possible move to Florida. This seemed to get Mama Gween extra upset, as she revealed she had just purchased property to build a home closer to the two so she could be of more help. Though Jovi acknowledged his mother’s willingness to try harder, he ultimately was more concerned with keeping Yara happy, and felt Florida might be the ticket (Just stay out of Tampa.. That’s Potthast territory, bro!). 
Shaun also brought on Yara’s doppelganger blonde friend, “Cymphony”, to get her opinion on the situation. She felt that Yara’s decision to purchase a place in Yore-Up was simply an example of her strong independent woman-powers. Ed jumped in to claim that Yara was using her husband, and already planning her escape route. Jovi tried to get big-little Ed to take it down a few notches but the unrelenting ankle-biter would not quit. Then wouldn’t you know… Jenny woke up from her mid-day on-stage nap to randomly start screaming “Shut up!!!!” putting the mini-man in his place. She fought back and forth with him like an out of control teen on old-school Maury for a few rounds, before tuckering herself out. 

Filming was finally over, and the cast wasted no time running away from the set. Undrrrrei continued to tell Jovi his “fots” about Yara’s potential real estate endeavors, in 5 or more bleeps. All of the ladies of 90 Day seemed to bond over their hatred of Ed, praising Jenny for briefly waking up to scream at him. While wearing a gym tank top and ironically a necklace, Ed chalked up his bad behavior to “self defense”, as he chugged a bottle of Pepto that nicely matched his Crocs.
Angela changed into her red sparkly jumpsuit as she hitched a ride over to the after party, discussing her relationship all the while. Meemaw admitted to blaming everyone else for Mykall’s behavior, and felt it may be time to finally let go (but not of that custom Angela & Mykull 4Eva necklace she had made on Etsy. It’s the perfect accessory).
On the car ride to the after party, Kimbally told Jenny and Yara that she would finally let Usman go once he found a new “potential”. Both Yara and Kim praised Jenny for her outbursts yet again (though I’m pretty sure it was an involuntary fit, and she acts the same way in the dining hall of “Shady Pines, Mumbai” when she doesn’t get her Tikki Masala jello….which is not from Moldova. It’s vegetarian.)
Jovi rode over with Ed (who surprisingly does not require a booster seat in the state of New York), telling him to watch the way he’s speaking to women, especially the Ukrainian peace-negotiator. Ed of course ignored the advice, acting even more obnoxious when he entered the party and made stupid comments to the bartender. Yara dubbed Ed a “clone” (which luckily she meant to say “clown”… I got nervous for a minute that there might be more of him out there. He only belongs inside of a crumpled tissue).

Bilal joined the group, comparing finishing the Tell All to finishing a bowel movement, which made a lot of sense. Liz shimmied her way over towards Ed wearing a short, tight, sparkly dress to entice her bite-size beau.  Angela arrived ready to party with Undrrrrei, claiming she was “Mother Debbie Done” with Mykull if she hung out with Supastar Sojaboy. Undrrrei had no problem telling her the “troof”, that she should leave Mykull before she gets burned.
Jovi tried to be a big shot and take Ed aside to once again reprimand him for his atrocious behavior (clearly this is a job for Jenny and only Jenny, as Ed immediately shut him down, and weeble-wobbled off to annoy someone else). Liz confided in Jenny that she was shocked at Ed’s behavior during filming, and it was causing her stomach to get twisted up in knots (She’s probably considering reconciling with Ed to get a swig of his Pepto). Jenny encouraged Liz to focus on her daughter and forget about the Mucinex blob, as she politely listened to Liz drone on. Why can’t all men be as good as Mike Jones….*Sigh* Kimbally pulled up for girl talk, recommending that Liz go have a conversation with Ed while she’s all dolled up to make him jealous. She also egged her on to throw a glass of red wine on Ed’s white collared shirt (which was specially ordered from “Humpty Dumpty Casuals”). Liz strolled over to the bar, strategically placing herself in Ed’s line of vision (ok, well maybe her torso was). He followed her back to the couch where Jenny and Kim sat, asking if he could speak to Liz privately. Liz tried to pull a power-move, telling him to wait until she was done having her super interesting conversation with the Goldengate Girls. Unfortunately for her, it backfired, as Ed stomped off in a tantrum and decided to leave the party early. 

Back at the bar, the poor bartender was being hit on by Angela, and loving every minute of it.Bilal tried to mansplain’ to the rest of the crew about Ed’s behavior, claiming his attitude was based on his emotions. 
Ang mosied over to girl-corner to join the Ed bashing, but turned her attention to Kimbally. She feels like Kim is in no way over the Supastar, and inquired about his “local talents” in the bedroom. The number one superfan did not hold back, admitting that she enjoyed Usman’s “wham yam thank you ma’am”. Angela asked Jenny about her intimate relationship with Stewmeat, wanting to know the dirty details about how she likes to be romanced. Jenny admitted the Smee likes to ply her with a massage of Bengay before putting on a movie to “Bollywood & Chill”. Angela volunteered the details of her own romantic life, involving a small tutorial on how to entice women of a certain age.  She and Kimbally bantered back and forth about who would go back to Nigeria first, as they all walked off for a smoke.

Back in the hotel room, Ed was carrying a suitcase twice his size over to the bed, where he angrily vented to production about the Liz situation. Ed was heading over to Boston after the Ny trip for a “speaking engagement” (I guess the Mucinex convention was in town). He made a big passive aggressive move by group texting both Liz AND production, making sure they got her separate accommodations to go back to California, instead of continuing on to Bawstun with him. 

Back in the hotel room (that looked to smell of cigarettes and synthetic fabrics), the new BFF’s, Kimbally & Angela, had a real heart to heart. Angela let Kim know she would never befriend Usman, as she didn’t appreciate him sticking up for his fellow Nigerian without ever knowing the real story. She claims to have covered up for Mykull’s bad behavior for the last time, and was even contemplating pulling the Visa that she had waited 5 ½ years for. Kim advised Ang to “Just say no”, afraid that Mykull will break her heart by leaving her once he got to the U.S., as quoted in his scandalous voicemail that they only lightly touched on. Angela seemed to know she was right, but part of Meemaw refused to give up hope. She then tried to speak openly to Kimbally about her ex potential supadupa local talent, Sojaboy, and how he was obviously using her to aid and abet in a kidnapping. Kimbally teared up, possibly admitting that big Ang was right, but trying to maintain that she was done going “dey” for the Superstar.

Bilal and Shyduh went back to their hotel room to work on making baby Shy-lal (instead of “baby Chase checking account” in both of their names…. Oh well). Shy-duh seemed happy at the moment, as the two waved the cameras away so Bilal could over explain babymakin’.

Back in her hotel room, Liz packed her bags (wearing bike shorts), feeling upset about her tiny counterpart leaving her in the dust. She was still hung up on all of the lies she uncovered during the Tell All, and was pretending that she was finally done with him for good. I’m sure next week they’ll reconcile, citing they’ve “learned so much, and come so far”, and will have rules to only see each other once a month in a public place for the sake of their relationship. 

Yara and Jovi got a bit heated as they packed to leave the hotel, with Yara complaining incessantly as Jovi droned on in monotone. Sounds about right.
And THIS concludes the neverending Yell All! I am so maaaach glad that Season 7 Happily Ever After is categorically done and dusted!
Crossing my fingers that the new season of “The Other Way” will bring us all of the drama we have well-earned. See you there!