HEA S7, Tell All Part 3

Part 3 of the neverending Yell All started out at the after party with Angela confronting Ed at the bar about his treatment of Liz. Ed began to grovel and apologize, probably scared he would receive a good old fashioned Meemaw Smackdown, resulting in a new height of 3’9”. Angela’s wingman, Undrrrrei, was right behind her, wearing their joint power color, red (the color of Undrrrrei’s favorite meat jello). He and Jovi both agreed that Ed’s behavior has been unacceptable, despite the fact that it didn’t involve excessive cursing and strip clubs. Bilal jumped in to play group therapist, telling Ed that he needed to stop playing tit for tat, constantly turning all of the fights around to be Liz’s fault (something he has a lot of experience with. His therapy also includes tossing a large soft pretzel off of the Brooklyn Bridge to symbolize letting go of bad habits and reversing secret vasectomies).
Back on the terrace, Liz was seeking relationship advice from Jenny, which is how you know you’ve hit rock bottom. Baby Girl Kimbally was also in on the girl-talk, comparing Ed to “Sojaboy” (the REAL Usman’s narcissistic alter ego). Clearly both of these people weren’t qualified to recommend a hair washing routine, let alone relationship advice (and production- if you’re listening? Why didn’t you get Jenny, Liz and Kimbally to have this contrived conversation at a blow dry bar??)
Shy-duh and Yara somehow became BFFs, as they discussed their anticipation for dealing with Ed during the next bout of filming.Yara cleverly dissed Ed, by saying “BIG Ed? You’re short as f**k”, because when she’s not saving parts of Yore-Up, she likes to make obvious jokes.
Back inside at the “cool kid”meeting, the egomaniac party of 5 commenced. Undrrrrrrei was complaining about Jovi calling him a manipulator, when he knows deep down in his motherf**ck*n heart he’s a g*d da*mn bleepin’ teddy bear. The rest of the gang worked hard to make the Moldy-man see that he is generally the bleepin’ problem in most situations, which caused him to slightly soften. He let them in on his 2 minutes of humanity, when he spoke with Becky backstage to say he might actually be able to bleepin’ forgive her and move forward. 

The next day back at the studio, the cast was rushed into their previous day’s outfits for filming continuity (though the buttons on Ed’s shirt hadn’t recovered from the day before). There were a few awkward conversations with intermixed cast, before they were brought on stage. 
Shaun began the session by asking how the rest of the super planned spontaneous evening went after the tumultuous day of filming. Ed answered quickly, trying to apologize for his behavior the day before, and admitted that he deserved all of the harsh criticism he received. No one seemed to be buying the mini man’s lackluster apology, especially when it was followed up by more nasty comments shortly thereafter.
The attention then turned to Kimbally and Usman, and their heartbreaking, unforeseeable breakup. Despite the end of their absolutely ridiculous engagement, the two are still best friends that speak daily. Kim’s son Jamal was brought on stage to discuss his “fots” on his ex potential supastar stepdad, and be the voice of reason. He made sure to call out Sojaboy’s narcissistic personality, and his ability to control and manipulate his mother. Kim got emotional hearing her son’s take on things, though she still slightly defended Usman’s character. Ed chimed in to announce “the elephant in the room”, which he felt was Usman’s need for attention and fame (something Ed was qualified to speak on). Kimbally cried, claiming no one could possibly understand the bond she shared with the local talent. Jamal continued by saying he felt Usman used Kimbally to stay relevant, and have the opportunity to spread his musical talents to the masses. Usman claimed HE was the one who was sacrificing the most for their relationship, being that he was willing to take on a second wife or potentially partake in kidnapping poor Mahadi all in the name of love. Kim tried to maintain that she was the one who ended the relationship and relinquished her position as potential wife back to #1 superfan. True love does not exist.

Back in the green room, Kimbally tried to convince the rest of the cast that Usman truly did love her and was not just being a user (Moohamit), all while shoving some kind of hot lunch in her face and clearly having no idea how to sit while wearing a dress. Something shiny caught Shy-duh’s attention, as she noticed Liz was sitting across the room twirling her engagement ring on her finger. Liz claimed to feel naked without it, which started Ed back into defense-mode. Liz once again accused him of creeping around on Asian dating sites and talking to his ex-girlfriend Rose, which of course he wouldn’t own up to. He instead tried to turn things around, making Liz feel bad for not standing up for him during filming. Ed claimed he was feeling like he was drowning and “everyone was stepping on his head” (which is directly connected to his body, so I could understand his logical fear.). Liz ran off, with Shyduh trailing behind in her modest Carmen Miranda dress, attempting to show some kind of support. Liz returned to the room moments late with “receipts” in the form of screenshots showing Ed that he had been active on the Asian dating site 2 hours prior. It was probably the other Mucinex blob, stop performing, Liz….

Back on set, the attention shifted to Shy-shy and Bilal who discussed- YET AGAIN, the baby making topic. The couple revealed Bilal recently got on board with the idea of procreating, and had even given it the old college try 3 or 4 times. Riveting.
Production slipped in a “never before seen” clip of the couple going to some kind of herbal shop to buy supplements to help the cause. Shyduh got some kind of stinky tea to promote totability, while Bilal had a whole consultation with the shop owner. He tried to find Bilal the right blend to enhance his masculinity, making sure to ask about his self-love practices and man-stamina, before cluing him into the concept of “edging”. Undrrrrrei was the only one to admit he was familiar with the unique practice (though no one consulted Mike Jones, who was probably well versed in edging being that he and Jenny are the resident tantric yoga kama sutra experts). Shy confused everyone, as claimed to now want to hold off on having a baby, being that her life in the US was just getting started (she could have saved her whining for the last 17 weeks…..). She tried to blame her change of heart on Bilal’s trust issues and unwillingness to open a joint bank account. Bilal mansplained the fact that Shy-duh hates his man-plainin’, and felt he would be willing to share a bank account after she signed up for one of his 12 part seminars on responsible spending. Shyduh claimed not to have any idea what her husband’s financial situation is, as she teased him for being “cheap”, especially since he was famous for sneaking contraband snacks into the movie theater to save a buck (or $29.95 on 1 bag of popcorn and 1 soda. That’s one of the only things I agree with Bilal on. Also, there is soo maaach imitation butter on that popcorn one may get 6 bouts of diarrhea and be unable to attend the movie, according to Mother Smitt).
Shaun then brought on Bilal’s random college roommate from 20 years ago to speak to his character and I guess convince everyone that he has friends. Friend Bilal, aka Christopher, tried to explain that his old time pal has a great sense of humor, clearly seen by his many pranks. Since Bilal got to call in a lifeline, Shy-duh did too, by way of her kooky friend, Uterus, that we met this season. Christopher and Uterus seemed to square off on their video screens, like two lawyers duking it out in the court of 90 Day Approval to determine which person is more annoying. As the two bickered, Jenny laughed awkwardly on the sidelines asking “What’s happening?”, as she clutched her Life Alert. 
Shaun played back the clip from this season of Uterus encouraging Shyduh to trick Bilal into having a baby, which seemed to warrant a negative response from the rest of the crew. She continued trying to over-explain, flashing her crazy eyes, while Friend Christopher verbally laid the smack down, defending not only Bilal, but men everywhere. 
As this waste of time segment came to a close, Bilal decided to rectify the couples’  last sour ending in New York by standing up center-stage and proposing to Shyduh with a baby onesie that read “Will you be my bendy baby mama??”. This one gesture seemed to flip Shy-duh’s script and melt her concerns away, as she accepted (which I’m guessing means they may try another 3 times or so). The takeaway here is that Bilal magically got her to forget about the joint bank account. Also, can we replace them with Friend Christopher? He was more obviously funny than his ex-roomie.

Speaking of having babies… the attention turned to Mike Jones himself, who claimed this season that he wanted children in his future. Of course Jenny realized she is nowhere near toting age, and God knows she’s in no position to be chasing after a toddler in that filthy kitchen. Just the idea of a baby putting anything from that floor in its mouth… Angela chimed in to tell Jenny not to worry, as Smitt will have plenty of time to have children after she’s gone, which I’m sure was reassuring.
The rest of the crew felt like Stewmeat was just trying to please everyone, telling his family one thing to make them happy and Jenny another. Father Stumpee and his brother and Sister in law came on via satellite to confirm they all currently have a good relationship, that is…except the queen bee, Mother Shmee. In recent times she has been in touch with her son, but still refuses to come to terms with her ancient daughter in law. Jenny and Sumpump felt they made the right decision by not telling the family about their marriage, being that Mother Smee would have done anything in her power to try and stop it (including giving everyone involved food poisoning to induce 6+ diarrheas… it’s the only way). Father Stoopee, on the other hand, seemed to have softened, giving the couple his blessing. The stipulation seemed to be that Jenny was not allowed anywhere they could be seen with her in public. Ed chimed in feeling like Suitplet should never attend social gatherings if his ancient counterpart isn’t invited. Sojaboy tried to encourage the Americans to respect other cultures, clearly trying to pave the way for justifying his own nonsense.
The attention moved on to Mykull and Angela and the question of Mykall’s Instagram account. Shaun stirred the pot when she pointed out the obvious sound of rain in the background, noting she could also hear the very same rain in the background when interviewing Sojaboy. This of course meant the two Nigerians were in the same location, which sent Angela into “smash-mode”. She became very upset, demanding that Mykull is to be nowhere near the Supastar, as the two have major issues. Mykull tried to diffuse the situation by screaming back at Usman through the screen, trying to stay in his wife’s good graces. The filming went to break, as Angela was escorted backstage where she called Mykull, who tried explaining that he and Usman filming at the same location was not his doing (while the production team giggled in the corner). It looks like Mykull then made the dumbest decision of trying to find Usman at his hotel to make peace in person, which of course will cause a major Meemaw meltdown.

Next week is the final installment of this ridiculousness, with previews showing Jenny having a screaming match with Big Ed, before they wheel her back to “Shady Pines- Mumbai”. Until next week!