90 Day Fiance; S9 EP 8

B-Lull & Shy-duh:

Back at “the good house”…
Shy-shy is still unsure if Blul wanted her to tote an egg. She strutted into the all-gray-everything living room wearing her “50 Shades of Oatmeal” outfit to protest going to “Jummah” (Friday night prayer service at Bilal’s place of worship). She felt uncomfortable attending after their last less-than-religious experience and cited all of her favorite excuses for skipping prayer (with breastfeeding being one of them, which directly contradicts their current “are we having kids?!?” storyline. Also, I’m guessing Emily has never attended Jumah…or at least in the last 17 months). B-Lal wanted his future Mrs. to be a part of this Friday night ritual, as he lectured her in his dad voice on what’s what. The topic of the lecture shifted from Jummah attendance to the importance of keeping tidy around the house. Bilal and his OCD were less than pleased when he was stabbed by Shy-duh’s hijab pins that she casually placed in the armrest of the couch (maybe it was a plan to use the couch as a voodoo doll to get him back for all of the pranks). 

After the whole hijab-pin incident, Bilal had left the house for a bit (presumably in his murder van) and returned with his OCD on level 10. He inspected the kitchen, and was upset that Shy-duh had gotten water all over the countertops and LVT flooring during her ritual wash up before prayer (And now that we’ve seen Moohamit’s bidet obsession, I’m just picturing Shyduh going to town in the kitchen with the spray hose attachment. Maybe that’s why she flooded the kitchen…She is very bendy.)
She apologized for the waterworks and worked hard with a single paper towel to try and sop everything up to Bilal’s liking. As if the water wasn’t enough to send Bilal’s OCD into overdrive, he then noticed that Shyshy hadn’t put the silverware back in its respective compartments, co-mingling small and large spoons and forks, and even jumbling up servingware. Upon further inspection, he noticed that half of the utensils didn’t even appear to have been washed. Shyduh claimed to have been trying, since doing dishes has never been her “ting”, and she wondered how long she was going to be able to put up with her new overlord. 

Summer’s Yve & Moohamit 2.0:

The couple made up from their post-”girl squad” fight from last week, and were enjoying some home cooked eggs (that somehow looked like the frozen ones from Dunkin’ Donuts). In an attempt to make Moe-ham feel more at home, Yve found a local mosque and agreed to go with him and cover up (ya know, put a long jacket over her thong and everything). 
Moo-homdiddy explained how important his religion is, and how much it reminded of home and family, crying as he talked about his late father. Mohamobot3000 explained to the other mosque-goers (in his monotone voice) that he was trying to bring Yve into the fold, despite her wardrobe faux pas. Although Yve did a great job praying over in the girl section, she was unable to recruit the mosque-woman to the “girl squad” (she had no interest in watching Sex in the City, and hated the phrase “You go, Girl!”). Though it was a new fun experience for one afternoon, Yve declared that she was absolutely not about to convert to Islam under any circumstances. 
Moohamit was uncomfortable hearing that Yve wanted to meet up on a solo date with one of Girl Squad members, fearing that she would be a bad influence. Yve told her girlfriend about the “tales from the Mosque”, acting as if wearing a hijab and following a whole lot of rules is some kind of new concept in Islam (imagine how many more rules she would have to follow if she was living with Bilal!). Yve’s friend worried that she would lose her BFF Yve to this creepy-voiced weirdo. 
Later on back at the house, Yve sat down with Moe-ham to firmly let him know that though she respected his culture and religion, she wasn’t covering up her blond streak for no one. Of course this seemed to put their relationship at a crossroads, as Moham felt like she had strung him along for two years and wasted his time. Who would have thought this wouldn’t work out great?!

Emily & Run-Kobe-Run!:

Since Kobe officially failed the “child rearing” test last week, Emily and her apparition of a mother decided to put him to work mucking out the stalls (because apparently every episode, someone needs to muck stalls. There must be some kind of manure quota the show needs to meet each week…It gets a lot of screen time). Kobe headed out with the two ladies of the household where they schooled him on the proper way to shovel horsesh*t. Kobe was very intimidated by the size of the horses, as he had never been near one before since they don’t have them back in Cameroon (They only have less scary animals there, like hippos, lions, and your run of the mill wild monkeys). He got to work, shoveling the enormous mountain of poo, as Emily barked orders from the sidelines, somehow trying to micromanage the shoveling of the dung. Finally tired of her controlling ways, Kobe snapped around and told Emily to shut her extra large yapper (in a lot more fun terms that included an F bomb). Of course this was the only thing that worked, if only for a few moments, but created a major fight. Emily was so offended by the well-deserved comment that she stomped off to go express herself in the house (probably to her father, and possibly simultaneously in front of her father- with the pump). The Ghost of Mother Emily Present overheard the entire fight, as she’s constantly hovering around like a broken animatronic from Spirit Halloween. 
After sh*t hit the fan in the barn, Kobe wandered inside to try and slightly apologize to the Pump Princesses. He made an attempt to explain his feelings about her attitude and how she has been treating him since his arrival, which of course went absolutely nowhere. Meanwhile, I was hoping to get Emily’s mother’s phone number to see if I could rent her out for my annual Halloween party….

Patrick & Thighs:

Patrick and Thighs were heading out on their own date night, sans Brother John and his Bawstun accent. Patrick discussed their upcoming family move from Austin to Dallas, Texas for work. Thighs was thrilled about the move, figuring it was a great way to shake off John, and have Patrick’s tiny head all to herself. Unfortunately for her, Patrick announced that John was part of the package deal, and would be not only making the move, but would be continuing his cohabitation. Although she was annoyed, she tried not to let the news ruin her first taste of fancy shmancy Mac & Cheese (Someone should let her know it’s going to go straight to her…..Thighs.) The fight over brother John continued, as Patrick stood firm in his decision to keep Brother John around for a good laugh. 
Since Patty had already sold his house in Austin, the couple set off to Dallas to see their new home for the first time. It was a good thing that Patrick’s fancy car can drive itself, since the couple couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other on the long drive.

They arrived at the brand new, very modern house, with (most importantly) baby Theodore puppy in hand. John and his new roommate (his cold sore) were waiting on the couch, ready to pick a fight at a moment’s notice. Thighs was not at all impressed with the new living arrangements, namely because they included John, but also because she felt the 4 bedroom house was somehow smaller than the last place. John questioned her character, bringing up to his brother that she may have some unrealistic expectations. Patrick did seem to feel like her reaction was a bit of a red flag, but mostly he was just thinking about her….. Thighs.

Jibjab & Meowmix:

The couple finished packing all of their matching outfits and headed off to Chicago to further Jibri’s confusing musical career. Of course this trip doesn’t come without worry (and contrived plot points), as Jibri was nervous about My-Miona getting along with his BFF, Dah-veed. 
The road trip to Chicago seemed to be going well, even for Miona, who was excited to spot “Pampas” grass on the side of the road, seeing as how it’s a huge trend in bridal decor at the moment,and very pricey. (The two of them better take a Clariton and pull over to pick a bunch before heading home). 
They arrived at Da-veed’s truck depot, where he warmly greeted the matching couple. Daveed tried to convince Jibri to come work for him as a truck driver (think of all of the endless flannel possibilities….). Jibjab tried to remind his Serbian ambassador about their musical goals, and that he would rather shoot for the stars rather than be Eastbound and down. Miona tried to convince Daveed that she had Jibri’s best intentions in mind, and that she wasn’t just in this relationship for the matching outfits and free front row tickets to the “Black Serbs” shows (Though I’m thinking all tickets may be free…)
While Jibri was working on his rockstar status, Miona sat in the hotel calling vendors about her dream beach wedding (though it was unclear which “beesh” she was planning to use). She finally saw for herself just how expensive travel and wedding planning is in the U.S., and was ready to head out to the pampas fields to get a’pickin’. 

Meanwhile back in the studio… We got to meet the other band members, which included a lovely, bubbly girl named Brandi, and some guy from Iowa wearing a space helmet, possibly for safety measures. Before they could get to record any of their musical genius, Daveed stirred the pot once more about the relationship with MiYoko Ono. Somehow, the stupid fight escalated to a very uninteresting physical altercation, which was just a blur of tie-dye. Of course this fight happened in the last one minute of the episode, and you know it will be dragged out into next week. 

Ari-old-yeller & Binibiniyumyum:

The couple headed off towards Jersey City so Biniyam could train in a special MMA gym and further his dream of being the ultimate fighting champion. They were greeted by Charles, the head trainer (who may or may not have eaten his last trainee), as he was excited to help Bini work hard to put all of his many abs to use. Though Ari was annoyed with Bini making MMA a priority over their upcoming marriage, she tried to get on board to help him achieve his dreams. While Binbin was busy punching things, Ari took baby Avi to the park, where she struggled to simultaneously watch him and take phone calls/answer emails. Doing things is hard.
After a lengthy park day, she headed over (in her tie dye workout clothes she borrowed from Jibri) to the gym to retrieve Biniyam for the 45 minute drive home. She miraculously walked in just in time to see Bini entangled with another female fighter, as part of a sparring exercise. Ari pushed baby Avi’s stroller off into the distance and she stomped across the mats to confront the female fighter about messing with her man (It was kind of a Jerry Springer/MMA crossover). Ari accused her opponent of wearing false lashes to the gym in an attempt to lure in her opponents. The MMA fighter informed Ari of her favorite motto: “Equal Rights, Equal Fights”, and hoped Bini wouldn’t lose his potential fighting career over Ari’s insecure behavior. 
As they left the gym, the couple each argued their point, with Ari refusing to come back down to Earth and realize the pretzel hold she witnessed was part of a complex MMA maneuver. Obviously this scene was set up by production, but Ariela is either becoming a much better actress, or she (much like her braids) is coming undone.