The Other Way; S4, EP 13

SteVen & Alina:

Alina is determined to get all of the paperwork in order for the big Stalina wedding so the couple won’t have to go home to their respective countries, where Steven will most likely skiddlypoop other girls. They headed over to the marriage registrar in Turkey to skiddlypoop up both of their lives. Both Steven and Alina nervously flipped their hair in sync as the registrar looked over their paperwork. He felt the young couple had all of their ducks in a row, and could tell that they truly loved each other (this guy would make a perfect expert for “Married At First Sight”. Right on the money!). They were given the wedding date of Wednesday, at 5pm (That’s sunset, Kenny…sorry…) and nervously realized they only had 2 days to plan a wedding. 

The next day Alina managed to find a wedding planner who was fluent in Russian, age appropriate, and available just in time to go wedding dress shopping. She tried on a long white beautiful gown, but just didn’t feel ready to say “da” to the dress. Alina then tried on a traditional Turkish dress generally worn on the night before the wedding, which looked like something one might wear to the Renaissance Festival. Taking into account the unconventional wedding, Alina thought this Renfaire dress would be the perfect fit, and hopefully they’ll cater with turkey legs and mead. (The entire wedding should be Game of Thrones themed… Alina has a slight Sansa Stark thing going on and Steven is definitely Theon Greyjoy/Reek, I’m 55% sure.).
After the dress shopping event (and now that I have the Game of Thrones song in my head..) Alina called her mother to fill her in. Mother Alina was definitely still concerned that Steven would lie and cheat on her daughter, and wishes her daughter would abort mission. Although she values her mother’s opinion, Alina feels she needs to follow through with the marriage to say she has given the relationship a fair chance. Worse comes to worse and Steven does cheat, Alina could always have a “Game of Thrones” themed divorce party, rewear the dress, and hire someone to make Steven anatomically similar to Theon Greyjoy (and it you’re not a GOT nerd, you can google it… but you won’t want to.).

Ari & Biniyam:

The Positive Gangster had to head home to the U.S., leaving Ari and Bini to their own devices to be actual independent grownups. The couple celebrated Baby Avi’s first birthday with a camel ride on the beach and a small party set up with no one in attendance. Instead of hiring a magician or petting zoo, they decided to entertain the tot by discussing the future of their relationship (it was much cheaper and much safer… a petting zoo in Africa sounds like it could turn into one of those animal attack shows that I love to watch). Ariela let Biniyam know that she will not return to Ethiopia, since she refuses to be the laughing stock of the neighborhood due to Biniyam’s shady “recording studio” scandals. She suggested that they move to the U.S. temporarily, if not permanently so Bini could have a chance to see what her life was like before they had met. Bini agreed to go for the sake of keeping his family together, but viewed the move as something temporary (The U.S. butt bongoing scene is nowhere near the one in Ethiopia). 
Next the couple did a video chat with a 14 year old immigration lawyer to check on the status of their K1-Visa application. It appeared that their Visa had moved on to the interview phase, which was to take place in Addis Ababa. The lawyer informed them that they should both attend the interview together to show their commitment and support. Of course this sent Ari’s anxiety into overdrive, as she explained that she had lost street cred in her old stomping grounds. She feels that moving to the U.S. is the only way to save her relationship with Biniyam and not have to cross-continental-co parent, so she reluctantly agrees to go back to Ethiopia. Hopefully while she’s in town, she will find enough time to have one last awkward ritualistic shower experience of some sort, for old time’s sake.

Elliedensia & VictorBaba:

The segment picked up where it left off last week with Ellie and Victor sitting around their bum fire outside of the loveshack, still angry from their big fight. In her mind, Ellie was attempting to be practical, trying to decide if rebuilding a shanty and starting a bar on a hurricane-torn island while trying to have a baby at an advanced maternal age was a smart move. Victor accused Ellie of being too caught up about money, discounting the fact that she was pretty much single handedly funding all of the couples’ endeavors with her pizza cheddar. He didn’t appreciate her acting like she’s “Ellie Warbucks”, claiming that her contributions were for their joint living expenses, and not even enough to buy him a crotch rocket so he could tool around Provideeeeensia, beard dred flapping in the breeze (actually, that thing should be tied up while riding, it could get stuck in a wheel). Ellie’s ego and hair deflated when Victor accused her of caring too much about money, as the two retreated to separate floor areas of their humble abode.

Things were still awkward the next morning, as Ellie played with a stray cat while waiting to leave the island. Victor strolled over with his mom-bun and asked Ellie to take a walk along the beach before she left.  As they strolled along the shore (which in its current ravished state looked a lot like Engabao’s beach on an average day), they discussed their breakdown in communication. They wound up making up just in time for Victor to propose, using a conch shell instead of a ring. Victor claimed to have had an actual engagement ring which got “lost during the hurricane” (he probably should have hung it on the wall with a Command Hook next to the chotchkas…THEY seemed to have made it. At the very least, attach it to the beard dread..but no.). Ellie smiled a doofy grin, excited to be engaged to Provideeeencia’s most eligible bachelor, trying to contemplate how she was going to wear that conch shell bling while making pizza. (Victor is actually a genius; He accused Ellie of being obsessed with money, which annoyed her, and got her on the defensive. If she complains about the shell instead of an actual ring, she just proves his point. Well played, Victor. Well played.) If I was Ellie, I’d check under the sink…

Karmando:

I have to say… I thought we had finally made it to the wedding episode, but nada (That’s nothing, Kenny). They have been dragging this pre wedding anxiety out for 4 weeks now, and at this point, I would much rather watch all of the interesting characters they show in the beginning credits weaving rugs and sitting around by the beach.

That being said…
Karmando were driving to the winery wedding venue, which apparently takes 2 weeks in 90 Day time. Kenny told Armando that he had mentioned the idea of adoption or egg toting to his 4 children, who did not seem to want a new baby brother or sister. Armando worries that his new stepchildren will blame him for taking their father away to another country, because he kind of did. Of course talking about familia (that’s family, Kenny) made Armando think about Father Armando, and he started freaking out over his dad’s potential reactions to the whole impending “You may now kiss the groom” scenario (provided we don’t all die of boredom before making it to the wedding). Kenny seems to be as over what Father Armando thinks as the rest of us, and he advised his husband-to-be what this wedding was really all about- A Hannah fashion show. 
The next day was allegedly wedding day, and the couple awoke with a mixed bag of excitement and nerves. Though Armando can’t wait to say “I do”, he’s still completely nervous about his father’s reactions (If that poor man doesn’t show up in his finest crystal necklace with a toothy grin, popping bottles, Armando’s going to lose his mind). Besides the kissing portion of the wedding, Armando was also obsessing over the first dance, which apparently they forgot to practice. Kenny reassured his groom-to-be, telling him to think of it as a big “coming out” party,  but with mariachis. At least no one cried during this episode…I guess they’re saving their tissues for the wedding. 

Borey & Evilone:
Corey called his brother Matt (who clearly got all of the good genes) via video chat to give him a personal invite to the Engabao wedding of the century. He explained that he was going to be super embarrassed having Evelin’s side of the aisle completely full, and seated on his side so far were the two fishermen he paid off and a few local rogue pigs Though his brother claims to love and support him, he has no desire to show up during a pandemic to the dreary Engabaoian shores to watch his brother re-commit himself as a human punching bag. He reminded Corey of all of the tension Evilone had caused with their family just by being her cheerful self (the montage of Evilone from a few seasons ago before her filler and boob job when she was an extra in “Apocalypto” was a fun stroll down memory lane).
After coming to terms with the fact that none of his family members were coming to the wedding, Corey headed out to meet up with his friend Raul. The two had been on the outs since Corey had reunited with his wife, after she caught wind of Raul inviting two girls on what appeared to be a double date. Though Snorey had used Raul’s place as a crash pad while he and Evilone had broken up recently, the two hadn’t been speaking, as per her majesty’s wishes. Furthermore, Queen Engabao banished Raul from the royal wedding, even though he is Corey’s only friend in the entire country (Raul wouldn’t match the “hate Corey” theme). Corey explained that he couldn’t overrule Evelin’s decision, since he’s lucky enough to be marrying her in the first place (P.s….. Didn’t Raul sleep with Evelin?? Make it all make sense). Can’t wait for the roasting of Corey (I mean, Corey and Evelin’s wedding) next week. 

Jenny & A Boy Name Sue(meet):

The couple were having their morning chai on the veranda (just step right over any snot rockets Mother and Father Smee left after their flossing session), when Steamheat announced his recent new title of “Uncle Stampede”. His brother and sister in law just welcomed a baby boy, and Sandwheat was heading over to his family’s house for the ritual blessing of the newborn. Unfortunately the invite read “No Jennys allowed”, despite the Parents Summich’s recent change of heart. Jenny rolled her eyes, but agreed to sit this one out, as long as Summit, NJ let his parents know that they were about to be married, which automatically makes her his future plus one. Of course bringing up the impending marriage made things awkward, being that last week Smee ran back to the lawyer’s office to have the marriage application placed on hold. He came clean to Jenny about this shady move, claiming to have been scared based on his previous marriage experience. When Jenny started to get angry, he tried a new tactic- blaming HER for his fear of commitment, saying he wsa scared that she will be controlling after becoming Mrs.Somesheet. He claimed that Jenny should respect his marital fears and dismiss his many excuses and deflections, all while he disregarded her immigration woes. StingBee insisted he wanted to be with Jenny, but feels 55% more comfortable living in sin. Jenny finally realized that Mike Jones was full of it, and sent him off to his family function so she could go confide in her fake India friend.
Unsure of what to do next, Jenny headed over to Hare some Krishnas in the temple in an attempt to relax. She met up with her pretend-friend, making sure to fill her in on Mike Jones’s latest scam. The Friend Jenny gave her a girl-power pep talk, encouraging Jenny to leave if Stoopeet doesn’t follow through. Hopefully some day soon Sumflip will give Jenny a conch shell and make an honest woman out of her.