The Other Way; S4, EP 10

Steven & Alina:
It’s finally time for Steven to have his social media-sectomy, as per Alina’s direct orders. Before the deed could be done, Alina took a gander through Steve-O’s DMs, only to find suspicious messages that looked a bit too friendly for her liking.
Steven finally gave in to deleting his account, though the act did not immediately turn Alina’s mood around. 
They went out to get ice cream (which, thankfully Steven ate from a spoon rather than painfully watching him lick an ice cream cone). He smuggled a gift up his shirt to pull out for Alina at the perfect moment. The gift turned out to be a book of Mormon, but not just ANY typical book of Mormon- this one had flowers on the cover like the outside of a box of Tampax. He even inscribed a special note inside, calling her “his moonlight”, and other awkward cliches.

After the successful date night, Steven decided it was time to propose. His grand plan involved a boat, a piano, and performing his own song. He somehow managed to wrangle up a piano aboard the boat, where he had the Turkish boat captain take Alina’s place for a dry run of the proposal scenario.
Once engaged to the Turkish man (who he hopefully didn’t message secretly on the internet), Steven decided it was time to do the real thing. He took Alina onto the boat, where he waited until they were in front of a waterfall to reveal the piano and expose his all-original song. Was the sentiment nice? Yes. Was the song possibly written and prerecorded by Kip from Napoleon Dynamite? Also Yes. (Luckily they only had “Napoleonishka Dynamitovich” in Russia, so this was all new to Alina). She was so hypnotized by Steven as he crooned like a teenager that just hit puberty, and couldn’t help but say “Dah!” to the big question. They hugged and even kissed as she accepted the heart shaped ring as a symbol that they would soon be Mr.& Mrs. Skiddlypoop 4Eva.

Team Karmando:

Kenny and Armando are heading out to meet up with their wedding planners for the big Karmando wedding of the year. The meeting was held at the vineyard which is to be the future venue for the main event. Kenny had made it clear to Armando that his one non-negotiable is the timing of the wedding, with his preference being a sunset ceremony. The wedding planners (Franc y Franc Incorporated) explained that due to Mexican weddings generally lasting 8 hours (Ocho horas, Kenny), the ceremony would have to begin much earlier. Of course this crushed Kenny’s dreams of the perfect golden hour lighting, as he pursed his lips in a passive aggressive sigh. On the car ride home, Kenny expressed his disappointment in the wedding timeline, as well as Armando’s lack of concern for his disappointment. They quickly kissed and made up. And because the sunset wasn’t enough of a storyline, they had to bring up Father Armando’s hesitation in accepting Armando’s new life, yet again. 

Later on, Armando explained to Kenny that he had spoken with his mother, who explained that Father Armando would not be attending the wedding, as he would rather stay home and guard the house (He’s like a human Ring doorbell). Feeling hurt, Arrmando decided to call his father and speak to him directly. Try though he did, Father Armando remained aloof, beating around the bush about his decision to skip the wedding (maybe he only attends weddings at sunset).

Ariela & Biniyum-yum:

It was finally the day of Baby Avi’s procedure. The Positive Gangster was in tow, ready to combat Ariela’s anxiety (much needed, I was starting to have flashbacks of the circumcision and her panicked screams). After the entire segment breezed over the procedure (which was the entire basis of the trip to the U.S.), Ariela sat down with her mom and sister to discuss her relationship. It seemed like everyone in Ari’s family was hip to the fact that she and Bini had been having virtual fights on video chat every day.. (well, I guess on days that he decides to actually pick up the phone or take it off of airplane mode). Ariela admitted that they are having issues, but blames most of them on “negative influences” affecting Biniyam in his home town. She told her mom and sister that she was going to propose the idea of the couple traveling to Kenya, where they apparently first fell in love, to try and rekindle their flame (Sidenote: Rekindling a flame could be a potential new Ethiopian holiday, since it involves fire). 

Later on, we saw the couple have a pretty intense video chat. Apparently while Ari and Avi have been away, Biniyam has turned their family home into a butt bongo retreat for him and his friends. He claims to be busy playing music all day and night, but Ari suspects there is a bit more going on. She was informed by Bini’s sister (Wish . com) that he was seen talking to other women in the clubs. (It was a bit questionable that Wish would be revealing this information to Ari, seeing as how she hasn’t been her biggest fan and is constantly worried that she’ll move back to the U.S.). Ari took a stern tone with a confused Biniyam, as she dropped her ultimatum; Move to Kenya with me and work it out, or we’re staying in the U.S. and doing cross-continental coparenting. (I’m guessing next week we’re going to Kenya…)

Corey & Evilone:

Hmmm let’s see…. Borey and Evilone are talking again after Corey admitted that he sucks to the therapist. He met with Evelin to discuss how to proceed with their awful relationship, and they decided he could move back home into the spare bedroom. She did smile and tell him the three little words he’s been longing to hear, but simultaneously reminded him that his half of the rent was due on the 1st of the month. Of course Snorey is willing to pay any price to get back in the good graces of Engabao Royalty. The end. 

Jenny & Pommefreet:

And now, for our feature presentation:
It was the morning after the fateful cooking incident and Sou-pee came in to inform his parents that Jenny had  mysteriously fallen ill in the night (If this were a game of “Clue: The 90 Day Addition” I’d definitely say “It was Mother Summit, in the kitchen, with the samosas!”). More than just telling his parents she had gotten sick, he let everyone know that she was “Ridin’ in her Chevy and felt somethin’ heavy”….that she was “Climbin’ up the ladder and felt somethin’ splatter”…… (For those that are unfamiliar with the song, she had diarrhea-cha cha cha).  Although this seemed like a reasonable excuse for Jenny not to attend the family breakfast al fresco on the patio, Mother Armpit was not having it. She felt that one lousy case of diarrhea was no excuse to lay around in bed all day being old, so she insisted on waking her up.  She confronted Jenny, as she lay in bed, insisting that she was just pretending to have diarrhea to get out of coming to Mother Shmee yoga class. Caught in her ruse, Jenny hoisted her old bones out of bed.

With her diarrhea in check, Jenny freshened up just in time for family yoga. Jenny struggled not to expel anything from her stretch pants as she barely managed to do downward dog, failed miserably at the tree pose (and I’m pretty sure Mother Suitpleat was going to zing her by suggesting “Corpse pose”). Both Mother and Father Scrapheap rolled around on the floor, flexing their sweet yoga skills in Jenny’s face. Mother Smitch also proclaimed that her superior flexibility officially means she is better than Jenny, who is growing older by the minute. 

After yoga class, it was time for the parents Steamheat to showcase yet another favorite family activity; Nasal flossing. Father SueMe inserted mustard oil into his wife’s nostrils to grease the tracks, as he then stuck what looked like a giant Udon noodle up into her nasal passage. She then reached into the back of her throat, fighting off her gag reflex, so she could pull the other end out of her mouth. Once she had successfully threaded her face, she flossed her sinus cavity and then vomited the “blockages” out onto the patio floor. As soon as she finished, it was Father SumpPump’s turn to do the same, as viewers everywhere dry heaved from the comfort of their own couches. When they were both finished officially grossing out the rest of the world, they turned to Jenny for her shot at being her own Breathe-Right strip. She tried to politely but firmly decline, as the old Meatloaf song played through her head “And I would do annnnything for love, but I won’t do THAT”. 
This was only day 2 out of four. I can not wait to see what other torture plans Mother Sneeze-y has in store! This woman is like her own episode of Fear Factor…

Ellie & Babablacksheep:

Ellie is dressed in her most come-hither fanny pack and favorite Gilligan hat, ready to play “deserted island” on her voyage back to Provudeeeensia. She and VictorBaba are ready for “demo day” on their loveshack by the beach. Once inside, Ellie first noticed a rusty old freezer that Victor must have picked up off of the set of “Hostel”. He quickly instructed her not to open it (which generally is a sure fire way of telling someone is a serial killer….especially since they were on an island with no electricity. Sorry, I’m still in Halloween mode). She found a soggy pile of clothes laying around and became very preoccupied with setting them out to dry in the sun. Victor seemed a bit edgy (probably because he just lost everything in a hurricane), but Ellie felt it was no excuse for his gruff and condescending tone. She is starting to have second thoughts on her decision to give up everything to become a Provuuuudensian. 

Later on, she sat down with Victor by the fire to have a Survivor tribal council meeting. He expressed that his foul mood was due to the fact that he was only a few days out from the traumatic hurricane experience, and devastated by losing basically everything. Ellie (in her less-than-flattering cabana wear) seemed unsure if this whole thing was a really bad idea. (Sidenote: I finally figured out why VictorBaba has that string beard….it’s his nasal floss).