The Other Way; S4, EP 6

Airela & Biniyam:

Ari and Bini had a “let’s see who’s pants are worse” contest, as they dressed themselves to take baby Avi to the doctor. Even though Bini went with a mismatched outfit of tie dyed ripped jeans, Ari still won the contest. She was very on brand looking like she had dressed herself for picture day in 1994. Once at the appointment, the doctor bluntly told the new parents that baby Avi has a hernia and will need surgery, which of course was news for concern. Ari started going into panic mode, asking a ton of questions, and was anxious to consult with her Positive Gangster Mother, the RN. 

Next we saw Ari in yet another late 90’s outfit accompanying Bini to the barber. She made pained faces as she explained that she feels more comfortable taking baby Avi to the U.S. for his hernia surgery. Besides not trusting the doctors in Ethiopia, she explained that she has insurance in the US and surgery there would be much more affordable (although I can’t imagine the cost of surgery in Ethiopia would be cheaper than 2 roundtrip tickets to the United States). She cried as she talked, rubbing her neon nails over her face, while Biniaym explained his fears of Ari leaving with the baby like his previous situation. Although she understood his apprehension, she confessed that she already purchased the tickets, and would be leaving in a week. He questioned if her decision to leave had anything to do with Leandro’s recent visit, which received only more face-clawing with the overly bright nails.
The couple had a video chat with Ari’s mom to weigh out the pros and cons of the surgery location. Biniyam seemed very concerned about who would be there to take care of the baby after surgery, since Ari would be without the live-in nanny and would have to take care of her own kid for a week or so. After being reassured by her mother, Biniyam seemed to feel better about letting his family go, but made Ariela promise they would return. 

In the last segment, Ariela decided to meet up with Biniyam’s sisters at a luxurious day spa to talk to them directly about her upcoming trip home. Unlike most spas that are painted white and look to be sterile, this place had more of a dimly lit cavernous motif. The sister’s Biniyam greeted Ari awkwardly, as they walked across the dirt floor of the spa and were guided to little wooden benches with steam coming from the ground. The women were shrouded in potato sacks, as the aestheticians plied their faces with honey, coffee grinds, butter, and anything else they found in the sink trap from the morning rush at IHOP, Ethiopia. While covered in shmutz, Ari brought up taking baby Avi to the US for his surgery, which of course was a big reason for concern amongst the sisters. Much like Biniyam, the sisters were so worried that Ari wouldn’t want to return, even though she promised that she would (hopefully the crotch steam solidified the promise). I wonder what special Ethiopian hygiene ritual we will watch next week! Maybe she can get a lion urine facial before she skips town… Hopefully there’s a Groupon.

Steven & Alina:

Steven and Alina hitchhiked over to their new joint apartment. Steven took the couch out for a test drive, since that’s where he will be sleeping to avoid premarital temptations that could occur, since he has a fetish for frizz. They then moved the party out to a nearby park where they did a relationship exercise from Steven’s days as a Mormon missionary. Alina admitted that she was hurt that Steven wanted permission to date other girls (instead of just being confused, like the rest of us, that there were many options for him out there). He tried his best to apologize, but did not seem very sincere (and his voice sounded like he just had his Bar Mitzvah and is still becoming a man). 

Next up, Alina checked back in with her friend Masha, to see how their online “sexy decoy from Maury” entrapment situation was going. Apparently Steven replied to Masha’s suggestive questions about visiting Utah by saying that Winter is the best time to visit. Of course Alina took that as Steven giving her friend a personal invitation for skiddlypoop, and told Masha to continue messaging him to see if he’ll continue flirting with her via Utah’s natural beauty (Alina needs to just handle this in a much more mature way, like going through his phone while he’s sleeping). 

Later on, the teens took a walk to a scenic area so Alina could ask more questions about Steven’s dating life. After an awkward and dramatic sneeze (which is probably the most exciting thing that happened this episode..), Steven admitted to kissing other girls, as he wasn’t sure if he and Alina were exclusive and couldn’t deny the animal magnetism of his flowing hair. He tried to convince Alina that having female friends is totally fine, since Jesus had some homegirls of his own. (He’s a bigger Mormon player than Bill Paxton in Big Love, for sure.) 

The next day Alina proposed that the couple take a tour at a local winery. Of course this goes against the Mormon no drinking policy, but Steven made a deal (or deali-o), that he will only swish and spit. Alina refused the cheese platter (I KNEW we weren’t meant to be friends…), while she watched Steven awkwardly lick wine out of his glass. After a little liquid courage (that he didn’t swallow), Steven admitted the true status of his virginity, confessing that he has indeed skiddlypoopeded other girls (p.s. I think “Skiddlypoop” was the product that was used for Ariela’s spa day). Alina was hurt and upset that Steven had lied to her, and was unsure if he was really the Prince Charming that literally no one else thought he was.  

Jenny & A Boy Named Sue(meet):

Scoo-Bee and his ancient girlfriend strolled along in a field, discussing that one time that  he ruined his sister-in-law’s entire pregnancy (Smee, stop terrorizing Shree and her pregnancy!). It seems as though the family Sumit is never going to send Jenny an invite to join in any reindeer games. Jenny tried to send her little lover a subliminal message by wearing a sweatshirt that read “Hey you don’t give up, okay?”, though Smee still seemed somewhat defeated. 
Stoo-peed explained that his mother is so distraught and angry at him since his divorce, as she really liked his ex wife and all of her help around the house (You know Jenny can’t easily bend over and look for the remote under the couch the way that young whippersnapper could). He also revealed that he had a younger sister growing up who unfortunately died of Jaundice, which scarred his mother and left her longing for a daughter of her own. He also feels that his father lets his mother rule the roost, making sure “Who is against the queen will die”. Jenny suggested Somewitch bring his mother to a psychiatrist to get some help in controlling her angry outbursts and hatred for her elders. Jenny additionally thought it would be a great idea for everyone in the Family Stomick to get mental help, including the happy couple themselves. (Aren’t there like 1.2 billion people in India? Can’t she just find another Mike Jones to shack up with and stop ruining Mother Smee’s dreams of bossing a young girl around?? Oh yeah… I forgot the sweatshirt motto…sorry) Oddly enough, if they did see a psychiatrist, I bet it would be the same person who played the lawyer and the passport renewal office due to budget cuts.

Karmando:

Armando is reporting back to Kendoll after his workshop chit chat with his dad. Kenny was less than thrilled with the slow pace of acceptance from Armando Senior, worrying that he wouldn’t  attend the couple’s upcoming wedding. Later on, we saw Mother & Sister Armando and Cassidy take little Hannah dress shopping for her dos papas’ wedding (Let’s be real here, folks… this wedding is actually a Hannah fashion show where two men happen to get married in the background). After picking out ribbon and lace, the three soon to be in-laws had a heart to heart about the acceptance process that the Family Armando is currently going through, all while having a feel-good cry. Good talk.
The last thing on the agenda before heading back home was saying goodbye to Papa Armando. It took him a while to come out of the house (he could hardly tear himself away from binge watching “Will & Grace” as part of his acceptance program), but he finally emerged to see the family off. Father Armando seemed to have taken a shine to Kenny’s daughter Cassidy, and even made her a special crystal necklace that somewhat matched his own. (And NOW it all makes sense. He’s only on the show to plug his hand made jewelry store on Etsy,”Papa Armando’s Family Jewels” and he’s busy all day inside crafting). Good talk.

Ellie & Victor:

Back in San Andreas, Ellie and Victor were discussing their recent trip to ProvUhdeeenseya, and what they should do about moving. Ellie admitted that she is scared and unprepared to give up her comfortable pizza life to move to the ravished island. Victor (or Baba, which seems to be his more commonly used name), wants to hurry home and rebuild to avoid other Provahdensians stealing all of his Bob Marley posters. They seemed to compromise by deciding to rent a place on the island of San Andreas, where Ellie could have air conditioning but also be able to go back and forth every few days to the island to work on their house. 
Ellie sat down with a glass of cerveza to video chat with her friend Hiromi back home about her new life choices. Hiromi conveniently reminded her boingy friend that Victor/Baba (which makes me think of a baby bottle), is a cheater with a broken house, and Ellie should probably head home. (If she’s interested, I could set her up with this guy, Mike Jones…. Ellie still looks young enough to reach under the couch for the remote- Mother Smitt will love her. #90DayMatchmaker)