The Other Way; S4 EP 5

Steven & Alina:
Steven and Alina were strolling through their new hometown, which appeared to be straight out of Epcot. They needed to see an immigration lawyer to figure out the technical details of their immigration situation. Instead of calling Uber Turkey (which just sounds like a really large turkey…), Steven decided hitchhiking would be a great mode of transportation (In fairness, he’s probably not old enough to have seen an R rated movie and doesn’t realize that most hitchhiking situations end by meeting someone who wears other people’s faces for fun… and I’m not talking about Darcey & Stacey). Alina was concerned about getting into the car with a random stranger, but attributed Steven’s dumb idea to his “crazy personality”. Once they successfully managed to arrive at the immigration lawyer’s office without getting kidnapped, the couple were shocked to learn of all of the steps needed to become Mr. & Mrs. Goofball (I’m pretty sure Steven stopped listening after the third sentence and the circus monkeys that wield power over his thought processes were working double overtime).

After cluttering his mind with way too much information, Steven decided it was time to hitchhike back to temptation island (aka, their apartment). Alina brought up the fact that the lawyer had said the couple should marry as soon as possible to get the ball rolling, which seemed to freak Steven out. Apparently somewhere between signing up for a show called “90 Day Fiance” and knowing the rules about marriage for immigration, he didn’t really realize he would have to get married-married, and he started pulling a Big Mike/Natalie. Alina claimed to feel ready to make the commitment to her foreign goober, since she couldn’t stand the thought of him flirting with every Masha, Basha, and Natasha on the streets of Mother Russia.

Steven suddenly felt pressured, realizing marriage is a big commitment and therefore wanted to wait at least 50 days before saying “Da” to his betrothed. In an attempt to change the subject, he randomly offered Alina some watermelon, hoping it would deter her quest for marriage. (I guess he must’ve been so focused on the skiddlypoop that he didn’t have time to think this entire plan through….)

Ellie & Victor:

The couple loaded up boxes of supplies and set off on a boat ride to the island of PROV-UH-DENSE-SSSEEYA. Got that? Providencccia. (It’s the new Undrrrrrei). Ellie tried her hardest not to puke in her mask during the board ride, while Victor held her closely with his go-go gadget beard poking out from his. 
As they approached the shore, they were immediately saddened to see the once-green landscape completely brown with debris. Just about everything on the island had been destroyed during the category 5 storm. Victor managed to borrow a car so they could drive some supplies out to his family members. He described the night of the storm, explaining that by the time they understood the severity, it was too late, and they just had to focus on surviving under the giant sink. Victor’s sister seemed touched that Ellie journeyed all the way to Pruvudeeenseeyuh to support them during this difficult time, and was probably very thankful to receive all of her San Andreas tourist t-shirts.
Victor’s sister’s house was totaled, forcing her and her family to move in with their other sister, since her house fared a bit better. Miraculously, Victor and Ellie’s house was still standing, with only a few signs of damage compared to others in their area (it was really a “Three Little Pigs” scenario, where some houses were built with sticks, wood, and cement which determined the rate in which they were blown down). The couple headed back to the catamaran to voyage back to San Andreas, with Ellie realizing that this may not be the best time to make a move (though I’m sure real estate would be dirt cheap.) In all seriousness, this was horrible, and these poor people and ANIMALS. I felt so badly for them all, but couldn’t help but worry about all of the stray animals shown walking around. Poor, Providennnshia.

Jenny & TrickorTreatSmellMySmeet:

On this week’s episode of “Never getting married”…
Swap-meet took Jenny to the marketplace so she could pick up a new set of prayer beads, since she wore out her old ones while chanting “SueMeMarryMe, SueMeMarryMe, SueMeMarryMe…” in her previous role as a pretend Hare Krishna. The couple then discussed, yet again, how much the Family Smeet hated the old bag of bones he’s living with. As Jenny expressed how she feels it’s unfair that she is left out of family events and celebrations, Stampede mentions that his sister in law Shree is now pregnant, bringing in the family’s first grandchild. Of course this joyous occasion is met with many get-togethers, all without Jenny on the guest list. 
SueMe left Jenny alone (well with the company of Monkey Jenny and her crew) so he could head to the temple with his family for some pregnancy blessings and hopefully celebratory samosas. The Parents Sumitch are delighted to be welcoming their first grandchildren and thankfully for the sake of the show, do not have any interest in Jenny “toting” an egg. 

The family all sat down in the temple to catch up with Smit. His brother started out by noticing that he had “reduced some weight”, which Sueme attributed to his new, happier lifestyle. Someitch put a damper on the babyshower by bringing up Jenny, and his hope that she could be invited to future family functions. Sumit’s parents claim that the root of the problem is really “society”, and that their son’s relationship is causing friends and neighbors to shun them, refusing to support them in any way (making it presumably impossible to borrow a cup of sugar or garam masala, respectfully). He finally worked up the courage to let his family know that he and Jenny were engaged, which of course did not go over well. Mother Summit walked off as part of a tantrum, while his brother tried to tell him to keep his negative energy away from the unborn baby. Meanwhile, the most offensive part of this segment was Stewmeat’s flat hair. He’s been hanging out with Jenny for so long their hair is starting to look alike… 

Karmando:

Armando took his mother shopping for yard tchotchkes, and took the opportunity to tell her about his upcoming nuptials. His mother was very emotional, explaining that she does accept him and his new life, even though it’s very different from what she’s used to. The biggest hurdle seems to be Father Armando, who is very slowly coming around.
Truffles got her 1 minute airtime (thankfully), as Kenny sat with his daughter Cassidy waiting to head out with Armando to have the big chat with his Papa. Armando met up with his father in his workshop, as they sat to catch up on the past year. Armando explained that he and Kenny would be getting married soon, and how important it is for his father to be in attendance. Father Armando seemed more expressive and receptive than he has in past episodes, and though he wasn’t ready to shout from the rooftops, it seemed that he conveyed how much he cares for his son and his happiness. Hopefully by the time the wedding comes around he won’t have to “run to the store” or “go watch a novella” or any of the other excuses Mother Armando has made for him in the past.

Corey & Evilone:

Meanwhile back in Ecuador…
Evilone and Corey walked hand in hand on their way to tell her family that they had secretly gotten married. As they approached the house, the evil teenage sisters were waiting out front, making sure to give Corey dirty looks and make their sister feel even more nervous about revealing her news. The entire family gathered in the kitchen (which contained many sharp objects), as Evelin explained to her family that she and Corey were already married for an entire year. Her mother seemed speechless, feeling as if the only reason Evelin would have kept such a momentous occasion a secret would be if she was unsure of the relationship, and asked Evelin if she was happy (which was of course a trick question, since Evelin is never happy). In front of the whole family (smirking Evil teenage sisters included) Evilone confirmed that was not so thrilled with her goofy groom (who hopefully brushed his teeth after last week’s soup incident).

Next up, Corey met with a blast from the past- Evelin’s old flame/Corey’s Ecuadorian BFF, Raul. Corey opened up to Raul about the secret marriage, and Evelin breaking up with him slightly thereafter. He then divulged that his fling in Peru was more serious than he let on, as he and Jenny (young Peruvian, not the Hare Krishna), were planning on moving in together after he had come back from Ecuador with his belongings. Corey defended his relationship with Peruvian Jenny by saying that the only reason it had begun in the first place was because Evilone had broken up with him and he thought all hope was lost. He then confessed to “ghosting” his spring fling once Evelin took him back, and never revealed the details to either of them. Raul couldn’t believe the news, since Corey had originally downplayed the Peruvian situation. Being the good friend that he is, Raul threatened Corey that he would tell Evelin the entire story if he didn’t come clean himself, which could really ruin their upcoming miserable wedding. I hear Peru is nice this time of year….

Ariela & Biniyam:

After the last few weeks of “You, Me & My Ex”, Ariela and Bini went out with baby Avi to the countryside to experience the magical Ethiopian holy water. Of course they brought along their live-in nanny, who hiked with baby Avi in tow all the way to the holy site and back. The couple had to separate for their holy shower, with Biniyam going first, noting the past miracles this water provided to him and his family. When it was Ari’s turn, she had to go in the Women’s section where she was surprised to be showering with an older woman who was completely naked, and made sure to get the freezing cold water spraying from the old metal pipe to hit every angle (The whole thing reminded me somewhat of being in the old fitting rooms at Lohman’s. If ya know, ya know….)
Ariela is hoping that this icicle shower will be enough to prove to Biniyam that she is choosing him and their little family, over a life in the US with warm showers with her butt-bongo-less Ex husband.. 
(Let’s hope she had a good padded bra in her bag, I’m sure her headlights were on after that one…)