90 Day The Other Way; S3, EP 2

Jenny & Submit:
Jenny is still throwing a tantrum over the fact that “Mike Jones” refuses to marry her. She and Smeet headed off to see yet another immigration lawyer to find a more permanent solution for Jenny’s Visa woes (ps… this must be the 10th time they’ve seen an immigration lawyer, and I think they’re all on the Parents Sumit’s payroll). Jenny doesn’t want to give up her American citizenship in fear of losing her social security benefits and the ability to go back and forth to America, so her options seem limited. The lawyer revealed a new idea they hadn’t previously thought of, which would require Jenny to become a devout Hare Krishna. Although shaving her head and leaving one little ponytail may be a great strategy for her generally stringy fine hair, she doesn’t seem to think she’ll be able to dance, sing and throw the rice with the best of them. SueMe laughed at the prospect of Jenny’s new religious endeavors, but was probably relieved that there was another option besides marriage. I’m just excited that we’ll get to see another storyline, instead of watching her cry in an immigration lawyer’s office for 13 weeks straight.

Ariela & Biniyam:
Ari is all dolled up in preparation for her ex-husband’s arrival. Biniyam seems suspicious that in conjunction with her usual third grade picture day braids, Ari decided to put on a dress and heeled boots (she somehow always looks like a toddler that dressed herself). While accompanying her to the nail salon (where Ari was getting a lovely shade of Malibu Beach Barbie does Ethiopia-pink) Biniyam noticed that his fiance conveniently forgot to wear her engagement ring he had given her last season inside of a lemon. They fought about the motive behind forgetting the ring for a hot minute, before running home to retrieve it so it would be clear that Ariela is a taken woman.
They headed out to pick up Leandro, Ariela’s ex husband from the hotel, making sure to make awkward conversation the entire cab ride home. After getting the house tour, Leandro was ushered up the stairs to get the chance to hold baby Avi, while Ari eased the tension by saying “You could have had a baby like this but you chose not to”. Not. Weird. At. ALL. Biniyam was rightfully worried that Leandro may have a hard time resisting Ari’s seductive pigtail braids, and clutched baby Avi close to his chest. 
Leandro opened up a suitcase full of gifts that he had brought as well as a few things Ari had ordered from the states. He made sure to bring Ari some brand new bras, which of course helped to ease the awkward tension. Poor Biniyam looked like he was ready to explode, while  Ari delighted at receiving a new over the shoulder boulder holder. Since things were already pretty weird, Bini decided to outright ask why the previous couple had broken up. Ariela explained that she was supposed to move to Indiana with Leandro while he was going to medical school, but instead decided that she needed to travel the world, and left without notice. Being older (and supposedly but not really wiser), Ariela realized how crappy she had acted towards Leandro, thinking that he’d always be ready and available to take her back when she was done racking up the frequent flyer miles. Even though they explained their situation, Biniyam still seemed on edge, and was sleeping with one eye open.

Steven & Alina:

Steven (who’s hair was channeling a very Kurt Russel in “Overboard” style) headed over to talk to his boss at the pest control business to discuss his plan to move to Turkey. The boss is sad to see one of his top poison salesmen go, and hopes he’s making the right decision.
We finally met Alina, who lives in a small town in Russia with her mother and grandmother. They first showed her all dressed up for a random photoshoot, set to the tune of some kind of enchanted Disney princess music. Alina explained that she was working on her studies when she came across Steven on a language learning app, and the two fell in boyfriend-girlfriend love. She is giving up her family and studies to move to Turkey so they can be together, despite her mother’s intense fear of Mormons and worry that her daughter will be human trafficked. (Sidenote: Didn’t we just see a guy that worked in the pest control sector marry a Russian girl?? *cough*Brandon & Julia*cough*). Alina assured her family that after being together for 90 days in Turkey, the couple plan to get married so Steven can move to Russia. 
Alina invited her girlfriends over to help her pack for her big move, eventhough they were skeptical about their friend moving so far away to be with a guy she’d only met for two weeks. She revealed to her friends that she and Steven decided to remain “pure” until marriage, as per his Mormon faith. Shortly after discussing their wholesome decision, Alina also announced that Steven has been asking her for permission to date other girls, and has had some late nights and sleepovers with his female friends. (I think the more surprising thing is that there is a line of girls interested…) Her friends thought of an idea to test Steven’s loyalty, by hiring a kind of “sexy decoy” from the Maury show to hit on him, and see how he reacted (I could give them Lana’s number if they’re interested).
Steven and Alina had one last video chat before their big reunion. He revealed that he had booked two separate living quarters for them so they could refrain from the temptations of his hair. Steven then, aside to the camera, admitted that he had not always been so “pure” and is actually not a virgin. Of course he hasn’t yet shared this news with his long distance lovebird, but I’m glad we will all get to watch when he does.

Corey & Evilone:
Meanwhile, back in Engabao….Evilone and Corey are planning their wedding for their eternal misery. Even though she claimed to never have cared about getting married in the past, Evelin had a quick chat with Asuelu and decided she wants “The best of the best”, making sure that Corey would be footing the bill. They met up with a well known wedding planner who crushed their dream of getting married on the beach-front pile of rubble that Corey had purchased upon his arrival in Ecuador. The new location, with all of the bells and whistles (and hopefully indoor plumbing), looks like it’s going to set Corey back between $30k-$50k. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to pay for the dream wedding, but he’d better hurry it up and figure it out before Evelin changes her mind. 

Karmando (and if you’re new here, that’s the celebrity name for Kenneth & Armando):

The dos papas are back, and opened this season with a family walk, accompanied by little Hannah, a new cat, and thankfully-the real star, Truffles. Hannah was quizzing Papa Kenny on his espanol, as the couple reminisced about their love journey last season with their big beach-side engagement. 
Later on we saw Armando and little Hannah doing a Pinterest deep dive as they planned for the big dos papas wedding. Kenneth was thinking they would keep things simple, only inviting family and close friends, while Armando was looking for a more large-scale production (Maybe he and Evilone could be BFFs this season….. But let’s hope they’re not). 
Armando and Kenny went to meet up with their wedding planner, Hugo. They slightly worried that they could face some discrimination, being that they are having a same sex wedding in a fairly conservative area, but the wedding planner reassured them that a little bit of dinero goes a long way. (I just personally hope they have that candy vendor with the fly swatter of shame from the last season come to set up during cocktail hour. Oh and absolutely no guacamole, as per Kenny’s wishes).

Ellie & Victor:

Ellie went over to her friends’ place to celebrate an early Thanksgiving dinner, since she would be away for the actual feast. She claimed that none of her friends except Hiromi knew about her relationship and the big move to Providencia (even though she showed up randomly with a camera crew…)
The friends knew about Victor’s unfaithful past, and were shocked and worried to hear about her decision to give up all of that pizza for someone so untrustworthy. She admitted that she was helping Victor financially, since she was moving in and all, and wanted the luxury of a functional bathroom. Victor apparently built their small 2 room lofted house which is right on the beach, because location, location, location. Elllie had sent him approximately $5,000 towards the home renovation project, which was a red flag to her friends. She also opened up about Victor’s prior domestic violence arrest against his daughter’s mother (oh…. He has a kid, something else she failed to mention), which he had explained away as a crime of passion. Despite the entire drill team’s routine of twirling red flags, Ellie is prepared to move forward with her big move since she’s tired of only eating personal pan pizzas for one.
After her friends pointed out all of the obvious flaws in her plan, Ellie decided to call Victor to see if he could reassure her about her big decision. He briefly apologized again for cheating, all while wearing a big smile. Their heart to heart was cut short due to his preparation for the big upcoming hurricane that was quickly approaching the area. He had to gather all of the things in the tiny house and move them to the safest place before evacuating in fear of the storm. The previews for this look so ominous! (And if he tells her he had to shelter at his mistress’s apartment, I’m sure she’ll understand).