Love After Lockup; S4 EP 4

Daonte & Nicolle:
My scalp burned, as Nicolle and her mother fried her hair back to it’s former Barbie blonde (okay, neon yellow with hot roots). As her mother applied the bleach, the two caught up on their love lives, which included Nicolle’s mom marrying her female best friend. She questioned her daughter about the relationship with Daonte, which Nicolle admitted was only a quasi-commitment, the Diet Coke of commitment, as she still had her ex boyfriend on her mind. 
Daonte showed up to the house unannounced, visibly nervous meeting Nicolle’s mother. Nicolle left the two alone to get better acquainted, as she strutted down the hall with a major wedgie to go wash the bleach down the drain along with her breakage. Daonte dropped the news  that he was to be her future son in law, something that was news to Mama Nicolle, a woman who added an unnecessary L to her daughter’s name. He then went on to tell her about NICOLLE JR (ya know, his dishwasher-safe sex toy), causing everyone everywhere to cringe. Nicolle denied the engagement, passing it off as wanting a cheap little ring for fun to show off to her prison friends. She has basically turned out to be a Sourpatch Kid in both personality and hair color.
There was a separate little segment where Daonte went into full detail about how he “utilizes” Nicolle Jr while rubbing his favorite toy for maximum creep factor. He would be better off buying a few more Nicolle Jr’s and letting the OG Nicolle latch on to someone else. Also, I hope Daonte’s mother sees this and punishes him accordingly.

Stanley & Lisa:
Stanley waited impatiently in the parking lot, thrilled to see his “baby doll” Lisa walk out of the doors carrying all of her prison mementos in a single cardboard box. Lisa, who’s post-prison look was that of a 15 year old boy who loves Eminem, tried her hardest to talk to the cameras while dodging creepy kisses from Stan. As they stood talking to the cameras, it looked like a creepy uncle picking up his uncomfortable nephew from juvie. They headed back to the car where Stanley presented Lisa with her buffet of backseat wigs to choose from. She wasn’t too fond of the brunette look, and decided to wear the most Daenerys Targaryen option, adjusting it in the passenger vanity mirror. Lisa gave us some insight into Stanley’s wild side, which included lots of “toys”, and a basement with a hanging straightjacket. Generally speaking, it seems wise to stay out of anyone’s basement with a hanging straightjacket as a rule of thumb, but Lisa likes to live on the edge. I had a feeling Stanley’s creep factor would increase as the season went on, but it’s already at an 11. They made light conversation with sexual undertones as they drove back to Stanley’s “dungeon” where they will be filming “50 Shade of Toupee”. 
Lisa also spoke to her twenty year old son on the car ride home, saddened to hear that he had been having a hard time with depression since she’d been gone. Stanley seemed less than sympathetic about her family life, as he had only the straightjacket on his mind. . In her side interviews (while wearing a wig that looked like an uncooked package of Ramen noodles and loose glitter all over her face), Lisa explained that these days she finds herself more attracted to women, only willing to make an exception for Stanley the man. So far the only thing I’m seeing that these two have in common is their love for wearing hairpieces.  

Rachel & Douggiebear:
Douggie could hardly contain himself on the drive to the hotel, ready to make his post-prison Cinemax movie right there in the car. He fondled Rachel as they drove, as time was of the essence. He made sure to waste no time as soon as they reached their room, flinging all 4’10” of her onto the bed and ushering away the cameras. 
Post afternoon delight, Rachel and Doug freshened up before heading home to start their new life together. Doug claimed to be dedicated to Rachel, and appreciated all of her efforts and the major upgrade in lifestyle. He was looking forward to seeing Douggie Jr as well, as he had been incarcerated during almost his entire childhood. Doug was so impressed by Rachel’s nice “upper middle class” suburban home, claiming to only frequent neighborhoods like hers if he was going to rob them. As he lay on her duvet cover, enjoying the air conditioning and cable tv, he vowed not to mess this relationship up, while waiting for Rachel to fix him a bologna sandwich. Cue Doug messing it up in 5….4…..3….2……..

Britney from the Upper Middle Class & Ray:
Britney and Ray’s family were all waiting at the gas station on pins and needles, as Ray was loaded back into the prison van and carted off to another location. Luckily it seemed to be some kind of technicality, and Ray was released into Britney’s arms, as his family looked on. Ray explained a bit about his past, including the tragic murder of his mother when he was only 11 years old, spawning his rage and his spiral into a life of crime. Britney, Ray and the fam headed to the halfway house, where they would have to leave him. Not much else to see here, just a couple of middle class people driving in a car.

 Anissa & Jeff:
This week we got to meet a brand new couple! Anissa is a 51 year old self proclaimed cougar who was previously married to a guy she had met at Taco Bell. At some point she got bored running for the border, and said “Yo quiero an inmate”. Anissa met Jeff on a prison dating site, and was immediately drawn to his muscles and tattoos (and definitely not the face he was making in his mug shot… Buzz! Your girlfriend!). They had been prison boyfriend/girlfriend for 11 years, and were excited to take things up a notch with his upcoming release. Anissa and her cousin were on their way to a bridal shop to look for wedding dresses, as she wanted to waste no time in becoming Mrs. Jeff immediately upon his release. Anissa’s cousin was skeptical about the relationship, being that Jeff had been released twice during their 11 year penpal-ationship, but had failed to show up to Anissa’s house as he had promised. Several people in her life even questioned if he was a figment of her imagination.  Anissa’s friend came over to her house to discuss Jeff’s alleged homecoming the following day, as well as his reservations. Anissa reassured her guy pal that Jeff would come through this time, as she prepared for his big release.