Love After Lockup; S4 EP 2

Daonte & Nicolle:
Daonte is pumped and ready for the release of Big Nicolle (not to be confused with Little Nicolle, who is going to need a few extra Cascade Pods to remove tough grease and caked on substances from all of her releases……. Ok now I’m grossing myself out). He headed out towards the prison, probably stopping along the way due to a case of the “bubble guts”. He couldn’t help but hear his mother’s voice in his head, warning him to proceed with caution with this relationship as he waited in the fog for his future to arrive.
Finally he saw Nicolle walk out, and they ran to each other, embracing and sharing their first kiss. Daonte was so excited that he didn’t seem to mind the full face of Nicolle’s makeup rub off on him (which, in fairness, was probably made from deodorant, toilet paper extract, and led paint). He carried his freebird off towards the car, where he had a romantic bottle of wine waiting along with a thick wad of cash, which seemed to be Nicolle’s love language. She explained her past indiscretions that led up to her incarceration, which included stealing and drugs. She does seem to be excited to see Daonte, but perhaps not as excited as “little” Daonte, who was ready to stand at attention at the sight of Nicolle. He made a lot of suggestive comments, and seemed to be the most excited about making a little chocolate and vanilla swirl softserve (which I think was a sexual innuendo, and hopefully unrelated to the “bubble guts”). 

Courtney & Josh:
We see Courtney exactly where we left her last week… in a bit of a pickle (No really, she’s wearing a pickle costume). Courtney’s friend retrieved Josh from the prison and brought him to the dirty abandoned parking lot where Courtney lay rolling around on the ground, like a yucky pickle that fell under the booth at the diner (there were probably a few hairs and a rogue bandaid stuck to her back). 
Josh seemed to appreciate her romantic outfit choice, explaining Courtney’s uniqueness and his devotion to their inside joke. Courtney, her friend Audra, and Josh stopped to grab some free-world food before heading home to their love nest. Josh was so impressed with his new lodging, namely with the bed (which also seems to come with 3 or more dogs, last I counted). The reunited couple rolled around on the bed, getting to know each other a bit better. They ushered out the cameramen for what is sure to be the most romantic 30 seconds of Courtney’s life. I can hardly wait to see what the dill will be next week.

Rachel & Doug:
Doug called Rachel in a cranky mood, yet again, as he barked orders at her to make sure issues with his parole were handled. Rachel, who seemed to adore his phone tantrum, was on her way to meet up with her mother for lunch and discuss Doug’s upcoming release. Rachel’s mom expressed her concerns, being that Rachel was previously married to a different ex-con who’s heroin addiction and mind games ultimately destroyed their relationship. Rachel claimed that she only had intentions of friendship when seeing Doug’s topless photo of his tattooed abs on the prison dating site, but ironically it turned into more. Her mother was shocked to hear how much money her daughter had spent throughout the relationship (and on the bologna alone!), but Rachel assured her that Doug is wholly dedicated to her, and proved it by offering to get her name tattooed on his “little, little Douggie”. As if genital tattoos weren’t the ultimate symbol of love and devotion, Doug also demanded to speak with her multiple times a day. Can’t wait to see them together in the free world, though I’m guessing all of that bologna is going to give him the bubbleguts. 

Stanley & Lisa:
Stanley is noshing on an elaborate artisanal charcuterie platter with his old man cat, Samuel. He discussed how rich he is from the comfort of his Natuzzi leather lazyboy while sharing his wealth with Samuel (a piece of prosciutto) as he received a call from Lisa, his locked up ladyfriend. Stanley described his anticipation for Lisa’s release, claiming not to care that Lisa may come out of jail as she claims, “looking like a boy”. Lisa enquired when Stanley would feel comfortable introducing her to his grown children, to which he replied with a bunch of folksy lines like “it wouldn’t amount to a hill of beans” and “They wouldn’t even like Joan of Arc”, which I’m guessing all went over Lisa’s short-haired head). Stanley paraded around his house in his best Hugh Hefner robe, making sure to show the world his skincare routine, to keep things fresh.
Later, we saw Stan the man head out to a wig shop to hook Lisa up with a new doo for her release. The friendly saleswoman seemed invested in this situation, both in the ridiculousness as well as the commission. Stanley did not seem deterred by the $1300 price tag, as he purchased the hair and headed off. Lisa, who apparently comes from a long lineage of criminals, called Stanley from jail to let him know that her brother was picked up and on bond for $30k, hoping Stanley could help bail him out. Stanley explained Lisa’s “Criminal Pedigree” and was reluctant to help financially. He did express concern for Lisa turning back to the ways of her past, but hoped that their relationship would help her make a change. If not, its more Matlock and meat platters with Samuel, while searching on Seeking Arrangements.

Britney & Ray:
Okay, so the whole “I’m a good girl from the suburbs dating a felon thing” has been done. Britney and Ray are going to have to up their game if they’re going to compete with the pickle costume, a dishwasher- safe sex toy, and 9 lbs of bologna. Britney went to her parents’ house to celebrate her father’s birthday and make the big announcement that she is in fact dating an inmate. Britney sat in her mother’s kitchen, starting to explain her situation (which was decorated with these random wall plaques that said “Chinese Food” with fried rice, “Italian Food” with spaghetti…. But Ironically were missing “Jewish Food” with a knish, or like “Moldovan Food” with meat inside of jello). Britney’s parents were less than thrilled with the news, as they explained that they’d much rather have their successful daughter with someone more clean cut. Britney (who was wearing a necklace was a giant R, presumably as a sign of her commitment to Ray) hopes that her family will change their tune once they meet him for themselves, which they are unwilling to do. The family should start their own “Free Britney” campaign.