Happily Ever After; S6, EP 9

Big Mike & Nataloonie toon:
Meanwhile back in Squim…..
The scene opens with Mike and Natalie sitting at the kitchen table with a rat crawling around eating some kind of smushed up granola bar, set to the tune of some sappy music. I have no idea how we segued from last week’s dramatic airport scene to this randomness, but here we are. 
Apparently after all that transpired in Tulsa, Mike and Natalie were able to sweep everything under a very cluttered rug and pretend like nothing ever happened. Since their delusion was so strong, they decided they should get a puppy and went to a local feed store to see if any were available. A man at the feed store was trying to buy rats to feed to his pet snake, when Natalie swooped in to the rescue, adopting one of the rats to save his life and naming him “Lucky” (ironic, since it ended up with Mike and Natalie. At least the snake would have been quick….). 
The rat (who didn’t appear to be related to the one at Rose’s house in the Philippines) climbed through Natlie’s hair, where he felt perfectly at home. Big Mike sat there, smugly, also playing with the rat, until Natalie finally brought up “hooker-gate”. She still maintains that Mother Butter called her a hooker, though no one else was there to witness, it wasn’t filmed that we know of, and she offered absolutely no context.
Mike refused to believe that his mother would have said such a thing, and continued to argue that Trish was in fact being nice during their stay. Natalie flew off the handle, crazy eyes in full effect, as she gave a passionate monologue about how she is a strong woman with many degrees and a passion for her career and….. Oh I couldn’t pay attention, there was a damn rat in her hair!
She was still basically mad that Trish told her to make money as an interpreter, though she admitted that she would be willing to do it for television. (My question is… if she is this bad at communicating, should she really become an interpreter?! What if she’s interpreting for the embassy and she accidentally translates to tell the ambassador that another political figure called him a hooker?? For the sake of preventing international incidents, I think Natalie should just keep playing with the rat…. )
Of course this turned into the same old fight, with Mike walking away, shrugging, and Natalie eventually trying to awkwardly apologize. Did anyone else question if it was wise to bring a rat into a house with a cat?

Kalani & Asuelu:
Kalani was exhausted from late night breastfeeding the kids after her all day romps with Asuelu, but is pushing through to enjoy the rest of their couple retreat. After Asuelu oddly described their sexy-time activities like lyrics from a Little Richard song (“Awop-bop-a-loo-mop alop bom bom“), he announced they would be spending the day on a jeep tour followed by a romantic picnic. The jeep ride was extra bumpy on the way to the top of the canyon, with Kalani’s milk jugs bouncing to and fro. Once they were alone at the top, they sat down for their picnic, where Kalani decided to come clean about speaking to the immigration lawyer about the possibility of getting divorced behind Asuelu’s back. Of course this dampened the mood and Asuelu was very hurt. Instead of getting angry and trying to find a bus to Samwa on top of the canyon, he used the couples’ safe word, “Afi”, and walked away with a grumpy face. He took a minute to collect his thoughts (okay, there was probably no point in pluralizing the word “thoughts” there), and headed back to rejoin Kalani for a hug. They decided to start from a clean slate, and each threw a rock into the desert to symbolically throw their past wrongdoings away.
The lesson here is that if you want to fix your relationship and have better communication with your partner, head over to a cabin for some “Zing, Zang, Boom, Pow, Kablam” (though it sounds more like a comic strip or a one way ticket to a UTI). 

Tiffany & Ronald Ma’Boy:
Tiffany headed to the airport with Daniel Ma’Boy and baby Carlie as they prepared to fly to South Africa to see Ronald. She seemed to be looking forward to seeing him, even though things have been a bit rough with their relationship lately.
Back in South Africa, Ronald was busy working on a little home renovation project; Building  a jail cell in his garage where he can forcibly keep his family, should they attempt to defect (I’ve seen his Lifetime movie before… it’s called “Not Without Ma’Boy”, but Sally Field will have to wear an off the shoulder top for this one). Ronald and his friend “Simple Jack” were taking a break from building the kidnap bunker to discuss the evil plan, like most villains tend to do. Ronald admits that he is trying his hardest to impress Tiffany so she will want to stay, and if all else fails, the bunker is the backup. 
Ronald was accompanied to the airport by his father and mother (whose mask was doing a great job of protecting her chin from airborne illnesses), so they could retrieve Tiffany and the kids. Tiffany stopped in the bathroom to freshen up and put on a clean off the shoulder top for the big reunion. Daniel was super excited to see Ronald, as they hugged and had a moment.
Back at the apartment, Ronald couldn’t wait to show off his handiwork and give his family the big tour, with the most impressive part being his hand-made room. He had painted the bunker a bright, burn-your-retinas-out blue color, possibly to up the anxiety factor for the made for tv movie special that will be made about it in the future. Tiffany seemed really proud of his endeavors, though she told Daniel he would have to wait to sleep in his blue lagoon, since there was still a strong odor (possibly because of the paint, but could have also been the chloroform). 

Yara & Jovi:

Yara and Baby Mylah were at Mama Gwen’s house hunkering down during Yara’s first hurricane. As soon as the weather let up, Yara was ready to make a run for it and head back to her apartment alone, because she probably feels it will help up the guilt factor for Jovi, and therefore- more guilt presents.
Saint Gwen of the Swamp tried to convince Yara to stay, offering her unconditional support and free childcare (Check your DMs, Mama Gwen, I sent you my address). Yara declined, maintaining that she would rather do everything on her own in her own home.
A week later, however, Yara landed right back at Mama Gwen’s house, as she came down with the ‘Rona. She video called Jovi to ask  “Mirror mirror on The wall, who’s the hottest with Covid of them all?!” while she spent some time on bedrest. 
Luckily baby Mylah seemed to be unaffected, and it made Yara realize she did in fact need help. Mama Gwen is a hero, and I hope she at least got gas money for driving over an hour back and forth to pick Yara up all 30 times. 

Elizabeth & Undrrrei:
It’s finally time for the road trip from hell…. Or Moldova. Undrrrei yelled at Libby about buying socks, before loading up the rented RV and heading out to pick up the rest of the Tampa royalty. Since Undrrrei has a commercial driver’s license, he is the most qualified to drive the RV (though he must’ve missed the part where they taught him to lock the refrigerator, causing everything to crash to the floor). The family Elizabeth were complaining from the get go, saying the RV was too small of a space and that there wasn’t enough room for their luggage.Chuck’s hair looked very friendly as it waved “Hi” in the wind again, while sister Becky seemed to be in a less cordial mood. 
Undrrrrei had Chuck riding shotgun, which was a big part of his master plan to get alone time to sucker him into becoming business partners. Sister Becky made it a point to sit close to the front so she could monitor Undrrrrei and Chuckle’s conversations. She was furious hearing the way Undrrrrei was trying to broker a side deal with her father, and even mad with Chuck himself for his lack of transparency. Becky didn’t hold back from picking a fight with Undrrrrei while he was driving the massive vehicle. After making a wrong turn, Undrrrei asked Becky to step outside of the RV so they could hash things out, while Libby yelled pointlessly from the window. Are we there yet?? Are we there yet??

Angela & Michael:
Meemaw is trying to maintain her new healthy lifestyle, as per the doctor’s orders, by making a green smoothie with the Grids. They all tried a sip of the veggie blend, but were in agreement that a little grape jelly would help it along. Angela revealed that the smoothies were the only healthy habit that stuck, as she was back to smoking a pack a day (which was actually Michael’s fault).  Angela explained to her daughter Skyla that she has been completely stressed out by Michael’s lack of attention and concern since she had her surgeries. Skyla proposed that Michael could be acting spiteful since Angela was spending their riches bettering herself instead of dumping money into toting the egg. Seeing that Michael had stopped answering her calls, Angela became suspicious, and decided to hire someone to put a tracker on his phone. She pulled up to the “IT Center” (which looked like a random house) to enquire about the phone tracker.
Ironically I thought the IT guy looked a bit like last week’s hypnotist but with a different accent (maybe budget cuts??). Do we think she googled “guy who tracks phones of guys getting the BJ forreal?”
The IT guy told Angela  that he was not legally allowed to spy on Michael’s phone, but could possibly track his location if Michael would be so kind as to turn his location on. Ang wasted no time calling Michael to ask, and was yelling louder than her orange camo stretch pants. She went into a full blown screaming fit, freaking out on Michael in front of the random IT guy, who was getting a full category 5 hurricane Meemaw. She yelled out random insults and quotes, including but not limited to; “I’m that bitch your momma warned you about”, some comments about his “manhood”, and a lot of cursing. The poor IT guy sat there, nervously laughing, trying to not to get involved even when Angela tried incorporating him into the fight  Michael tried to respond to the yelling, but was shut down and eventually hung up on.
I think we all need a cigarette…..
Angela started to question Michael’s motives for marrying her, since he seemed to be less attentive and committed to their relationship since the Big Fat Nigerian Wedding. After the IT guy incident, Angela was back at home doing her required exercises to tone up and stay fit with her grids. She was still fixated on the issues with Michael, and decided to call him (at 2am Nigeria time) to let him know she didn’t appreciate his behavior. Michael just looked confused, as he absorbed another tongue lashing from the Mrs.
Angela accused Michael of talking like “The Williams” and once again hung up. After their third phone call attempt, Michael tried to change the topic by asking Angela about her black smiley face mask she was wearing, which only reminded her of how uninvolved he had been in her life for the past 2 months.She suggested he go find a nice Nigerian girl before hanging up on him yet again (though that was probably a great suggestion). For the moment, Meemaw seems to have given up on her marriage

Missing this week were Brandon and Julia, who were probably busy walking out of random parties like angsty teens.