Happily Ever After; S6. EP 7

Big Mike, Nataloonie-toon, Trish and her bangs:
The big happy family opened this week, playing in their wood pile. Mike explained the intricacies of “wood stacking”  (which he claims is not “rocket scientist”),  as they helped Trish unload her trailer and stack zee vood. Trish had to get in a few little jabs to Natalie, who was mostly prancing around and neglecting her lumberjack duties. 

The following day was Thanksgiving, and time to get busy in the kitchen…. Almost literally. Natalie complained and stressed herself out over having the proper ingredients for her authentic borscht which she was going to spend hours making. Brewing borscht must be an aphrodisiac to Mike, since he couldn’t stop groping Natalie as she toiled away in the kitchen. Natalie was all business when it came to cooking, announcing loudly “Don’t touch my ass and my ***** while I’m cooking, it’s dirty”….. In front of Trish. Mother Butter tried to gloss over the comment and change the subject, but both Natalie and Mike said the ***** word at least three times each (Though the t.v. bleeped out the actual word, I hope everyone washed their hands. And now I’m going to think of Natalie’s ***** everytime I see borscht. Which is luckily not often).  After Trish left the room to vomit, Natalie turned to Mike and asked why his mother lovingly referred to her as a “hooker” (although she said who-kur). Mike couldn’t believe Trish would use the word “hooker” when there are soo many other words out there to describe the kitchen-witch, and a few extra cuckoo clocks went off in the background.  
Mrs. Buttersworth announced that her “roommate” Ron would be joining the borschty Thanksgiving feast. (Although we weren’t given much background information on Roomie-Ron, I would really like to know his thoughts and feelings on Trish’s interior decorating skills, and if he’s just in it for the porcelain pigs, or if he’s porking the lady of the house.) 
Ron appeared on the scene just to witness Trish being short with Natalie, who responded to her butter-in-law’s quips with uncomfortable psychopathic laughter. They all sat down at the table to enjoy their feast, with Ron attempting to make small talk to neutralize the tension. Trish chimed in, enquiring yet again about babies, but this time by reminding Natalie that she isn’t getting any younger. Natalie retorted with an actual real coherent, responsible reason for waiting to produce Saquatch Jr, which seemed to momentarily put Trish in her place. Unfortunately, the moment of clarity was gone, and Natalie resorted to maniacal laughter, letting her 5th personality take the wheel. How ‘bout that borscht??!!

Brandon & Julia Gulia:
Brulia went to sit down on the outside couch to meet up with Betty and Ron (I always wanted to know if those inside couches people bring outside stink like mold all the time). Brandon showed his parents the letter they had received from Immigration in regards to Julia’s status. Everyone watched Julia nervously open her mail, and screamed for joy when she received a card allowing her to work and travel while she awaits her green card (the fine print says “only for working anywhere EXCEPT Betty & Ron’s farm).Julia was super excited about becoming a working stiff, seeing it as her next step in “Operation Leave Farm or I Go Russia”.
Betty and Ron brought up the idea of throwing a reception for the newlyweds, since they had a rushed wedding in the church, unlike what they originally had planned. Julia and Brandon claimed to be happy with their first round of nuptials, and wanted to focus on their exodus to Richmond instead. The most important question….. Who wore the bangs better; Trish or Betty??

Tiffany & Ronald Ma’Boy:
Back at the restaurant, Tiffany came clean to her father about Ronald’s sordid past. Of course this is big news to Father Tiffany, since he doesn’t have cable and therefore never heard all of the talk about Ronald’s gambling addiction and penchant for stealing appliances. After pleading her case, Tiffany’s “Pa” STILL agreed to cosponsor Ronald Ex-Conald, fearing the alternative scenario where Tiffany and the kids would move to South Africa. He’s hopeful that Ronald can give Tiffany and her kids the stable family he wishes he gave her (though I wouldn’t bet on it… yeah, I’m talkin to you, Ronald.)
Tiffany made an appointment with a lawyer with man-bangs to discuss Ronald’s interview process and what he should prepare for. (The lawyer could actually enter the Betty vs Trish competition for the title of “best bangs” on this episode) 
Tiffany and Man-bangs were surprised when they called Ronald via Facetime, as he appeared disheveled as he slouched while vaping on his couch (Red Flag #54349853475). The lawyer gave Ronaldo a mock interview, which he failed miserably. Ronald also seemed annoyed by Baby-bang’s suggestions on how to better answer questions so he doesn’t blow his shot of moving to the U.S. and warming up Tiffany’s cold shoulders.  After leaving the lawyer’s office, Tiffany called Ronald to remind him of the seriousness of the situation, and that he needs to step up his game. She feels Ronald may be taking things lightly, almost planning to sabotage the interview so she’ll be forced to move Ma’Boy and Ma’girl to South Africa.  

Elizabeth & Undrrrrei:
Can Libby just blow her nose please? I’m so over the nasal voice. Clariton? Zyrtec? Bueller?? Anyone??!!

Undrrrrei met up with Chuck to use his Green Card renewal process as leverage to get Chuck Corleone to trust him with the family business, instead of Charlie Fredo (actually, there are a few Fredos in this crowd…). Chuckles had no idea that Undrrrrei ran the risk of being deported if he didn’t show proof of employment, and was especially bothered at the thought of Libby and Baby Eleanor having to move to Moldova (sooo maaach meat in jellooo so maaach yucky). ChuckEcheese admitted that Undrrrrei had made some major improvement in his work ethic lately, and agreed to give him a new made-up position, as long as he promised to get along with the family.

Next we saw the couple heading out with the rest of the usual suspects for a day on a yacht that Chuck had chartered in the name of giving peace a chance. Undrrrrei was not happy about spending the day with the entire family but was hoping to get a little facetime in with the boss. The entire crew set sail to someone screaming “Ahoooooy, bitches!!!” while Charlie looked over the sea with his vino and yuppie sweater tied around his neck, because CLASS. Chuck looked proud, as he stood amongst his kids, plying them with a tempting shmear of Publix deli platters.
If this day on the boat wasn’t enough of a family bonding experience, for his next act, Chuck reveals he wants to take a 15 hour road trip together in an RV. All of the kids seemed to hate the RV idea, and it stirred up the fact that there was a lot of tension among them. Charlie looked like a douchey yuppie from an 80’s movie who was mean to the underdog character who worked at his country club. Sister Becky really came alive this episode, getting in Libby’s face, screaming that Undrrrrei is a shady user-Moohamit. A very scripted fight ensued, with Libby/Becky throwing wine and hitting each other with limp wrists. I was really hoping to see one of the Fredo’s get thrown overboard, but no such luck. 
Chuck was P.O’d that his family bonding yacht fun-tivity didn’t work out as planned, threatening to end the family business altogether. I think that’s the best idea he’s had yet, and while he’s at it… call off this family being on my television. 

Kalani & Asuelu:
Kalani was driving with a very distraught Asuelu riding shotgun, as they discussed his recent car accident. As they showed photos of the damaged vehicle (which looked like maybe he hit a mailbox…. But I’m sure it was scary), Asuelu appeared to be more shaken than he usually is in his Tiktok videos. The silver lining (besides possibly a new car), was that it put things into perspective and made them want to work towards repairing their broken marriage. They took the kids out to play minigolf, where Asuelu proposed the idea of taking a romantic getaway for 2-3 days, just the two of them. Though he was really looking forward to jumping in a bubbly hot tub and “Eat some pussycat” (A great name for Natalie’s cooking show, by the way…), Kalani burst his thought-bubbles by reminding him that she breastfeeds their 2 children all night long, so they’ll have to crash the party. Asuelu looked even more defeated than usual, upset with the idea of bringing their boys and his mother in law on his very first romantic idea he’s ever had, though I’m sure he wanted to quote his mother “I don’t care about the kids!!”. He reluctantly agreed to bringing everyone along since he didn’t have a ride home, and ya know….. he’s on a t.v. show.

Yara & Jovi:
I honestly forgot they were on the show. But now that I was reminded…
Mama Gwen drove into town to bring Jovi to the airport for work, and bring Yara & baby Mylah back to the bayou. Yara wasn’t wearing white pants in this episode, but she did one up herself with her postpartum cut off denim short-shorts. Yara had everything packed for bayou, including her $500 blow dryer, which Gwen could not comprehend (Do you know how many crawdaddy po’ boys you could wrassle up for that much??? I don’t.)
Yara complained the whole way to the airport, seeming both sad and annoyed that Jovi had to work. I’m thinking she’s going to guilt him into buying her a few more blow dryers during this trip.

Angela & Michael:
Meemaw is in trouble….. The doctor and her awkward “patient coordinator” Natasha cracked down on Angela’s smoking ways, denying her turkey gobble removable surgery until she quits smoking, cold turkey (gobble). The doctor had to practice tough love, temporarily breaking up with her until she is able to prove she kicked her butts to the curb. He even had her sign a form consenting to pay a penalty fee if she fails a nicotine test prior to her rescheduled surgery. Angela couldn’t believe she was unable to smooth talk the doctor into removing her gobble (which she alternately referred to as her wobble, and joggle).  She left in an Uber, defeated, with her ponytail in an upright position, cigarette in mouth, and nipples completely exposed. Feeling like she needed to let off a little steam, she called Michael to try and figure out how this woggle removal rejection was all his fault. Angela felt as though Michael was slacking in the empathy department, and wasn’t doing a good enough job calling to check up on her. 
Back in Nigeria, Michael met up with his sister and Aunt Lydia to “pound yams” (something else Natalie can do on her erotic cooking show). After working up a sweat with the yam pounding, Michael explained to the females of his family that he’s stressed out with Angela’s multiple surgeries. Aunt Lydia is cruisin’ for a bruisin’, claiming that Angela is being selfish, wasting a lot of money on de-wobbleization instead of putting it towards figuring out how to have Michael’s baby. Michael’s strategy for dealing with his marital issues is to give Angela the silent treatment, hoping she will realize she should be including him on big decisions. It’s like they’ve never even met before……