Happily Ever After; S6, EP 5

Angela & Michael:
The episode opened with Angela being awakened from surgery by her steamy prince charming, Dr. Obeng. Sissy Jo-Jo, the brave and dutiful friend that she is, was waiting there to help Meemaw recover post-op. Jojo made sure to call Michael from the cab ride back to the hotel to let him know that Angela thankfully had made it through surgery but was in a lot of pain. It took awhile for Angela to come out of her groggy state, but once she was fully awake, she was shocked and unhappy to see the majorly reduced size of her lady lumps. She went back for her recheck at the surgical center and was greeted by Natasha (who was dressed somewhat more appropriately this time), as she made her way to see Dr. Obeng. Angela complained about her lack of boobs and was taken aback when she heard that Dr. Obeng had in fact removed 2 lbs of boobage per breast, instead of the 1 lb that they had agreed upon. Angela called Michael via Facetime and put Dr. Obeng on the phone for the big reveal. Michael was very unhappy with the size of his new pull-toys, as Dr. Obeng turned into a regular Dr. Phil, explaining that Michael needs to now fall in love with Angela’s personality (and all of it’s cake throwing glory). Afraid that Michel would now want a divorce, Angela proposed marriage to Dr. Obeng, since the demise of her relationship is basically his fault. While I don’t think he should have to marry her, he should at least buy her a purse since now she’ll have nowhere to put anything…

Elizabeth & Undrrrrrei:
Libby was busy holding down the fort all day while Undrrrei was out fighting with Chuck & Co.to jumpstart his career. She greeted Undrrrrei upon his entrance, excited to hear all about his first day of school. Undrreei incessantly complained and spewed obscenities in front of baby Ellie, all while tattle-telling on Sister Becky for calling him “inappropriate names”. Speaking of a rough day at the office…. Libby complained about the struggles of juggling her emails while watching Paw Patrol/dishing out Goldfish for one single afternoon, and now needs to hire a nanny. Unndrei was concerned about their child care options, claiming that he doesn’t trust anyone (though I bet there may be an opening at Andrew’s day care… maybe he’d even give them the 90 Day discount…)

Next stop was the lawyer’s office to review Undrrrei’s green card status, which will need to be renewed. The lawyer, much like the rest of Family Elizabeth, feels Undrrrei should have been working for the last two years, and worries that this lack of employment could work against him. She did, however, think having the baby was a good move to prove that his marriage to Elizabeth was real and he wasn’t just a user like Moohamit. However, the lawyer did say there would be a possibility that they would need a DNA test to prove baby Eleanor was his daughter (or she could just watch her have a tantrum and see that they have the same mannerisms). She then asked if Undrrrei had previously been in trouble with the law back home, or if he had anything questionable happen in his past, bringing up the same tired theme from last season.  I’m over it. You’re over it. Why isn’t TLC over it?! 

Tiffany & Ronald Ma’Boy:
Daniel came home from school and went straight for the laptop to call his “dad” Ronald in South Africa. While they chatted, he told Ronald how much he missed him and how he couldn’t wait for him to be stateside so they could all be together. Instead of staying positive, Ronald decided to talk man to Ma’Boy with Daniel, telling him that there was a real possibility that his Visa will be denied, in which case he and his cold-shouldered kin would have to move to South Africa. Of course this really upset Daniel, who was not a fan of living in the barbed wire apartment complexes or playing on the rusty playgrounds they had shown us in Season One of the Other Way. Daniel was adamant that if it came down to Option B, he was finding a new family (Pretty sure he could just move into Angela’s house… no one would notice and it looks like fun). 
Later on, Tiffany met up with her sister to discuss the Ronald situation, which was a refreshing break from watching her yell at her laptop. She opened up by telling her sister how she and RonJeremy celebrated their 2nd wedding anniversary long distance with a little virtual sexytime. After grossing everyone out (and reminding us all of the importance of hand sanitizing after touching another person’s cell phone), she discussed her lack of interest in moving to South Africa, should RonJon’s Visa be denied. Tiffany knows Daniel is not in favor of moving there, and feels that her kids would be more safe and secure staying in her hometown. Her sister urged her to be open with RonaldMcDonald, but Tiffany is afraid to upset him, thinking it may trigger him to relapse with his gambling addiction. She confessed that Ronaldo had relapsed a year prior, and it was a scary scene (hopefully all refrigerators remained safely in their homes). Now it’s just a roll of the dice (not for you, Ronald) to see if his Visa gets approved. Otherwise Tiffany will have to break the news that she’s giving HIM the cold shoulder, and staying in the U.S.

Kalani & Asuelu:
Kalani and her father Low got to spend a little daddy/daughter time and decided to “get a coffee”, something that seems very un-Low like. It seems that Kalani’s mother, Lisa, filled Low in on the down-Low about Kalani and Asuelu’s rocky relationship and asked him to try and give her some advice. Kalani admitted that her dad has softened in his old age, as he used to prefer shooting guns at the range on their one on one dates, and is now all about lattes and giving his goofy son in law a chance. Low wasted no time bringing up the state of Kalani’s relationship and the fact that he feels Kalani should try and work things out with her imported husband. Although Kalani seems to be feeling pretty hopeless about the situation since the last laundry folding scene, she did seem to listen to her dad, who feels like divorce is for quitters. Unlike Mother Asuelu, Low seems to be thinking of the kids, who he feels need their dad in the picture. Kalani claims to be 50/50 on the idea of divorcing (Ronald, don’t start taking bets), but can’t believe that her dad doesn’t understand her valid reasons for wanting to separate. ((Remember when Low seemed like a big scary guy you would never mess with? He must be drinking decaf.))
After counseling Kalani, it was time for SweetNLow to chat with Asuelu over a rousing game of golf (I’m surprised he didn’t want to have some herbal tea and knit sweaters). Asuelu seemed to be a regular Crappy Gilmore on the golf course, unable to tap the ball in the hole (not even the boohole). While they were totally sucking at playing golf, Asuelu explained his desire to make his marriage work despite being far from his homeland and adjusting to all of the cultural differences. Low could completely relate, and will probably go home to use his Cricut machine to make a #TeamAsuelu T-shirt while watching reruns of Friends on Netflix. (Low, I miss when I thought you were a badass).  

Yara & Jovi:
Jovi and Yara are leaving baby Mylah for the first time ever with grandma Gwen so they can go on a romantic date. Yara was hesitant to leave the baby, but put on her big girl pants (which were white- again! How is she wearing white bottoms twice in a row after just having a baby… it’s not normal). Jovi pulled out all of the stops for date night, including pulling out her chair and not going to a strip club. He was hoping to get lucky, but was swiftly denied, since contrary to the white pants, Yara very recently had a baby. He had to break the news that he would soon be leaving for the next few months for work, which of course upset Yara. 
She was worried about being alone with a newborn this time, as it was hard enough when she was just pregnant and alone. Although it’s upsetting, she seems to be getting a lot of sympathy gifts from Jovi out of the deal, like bags and shoes, and possibly more white pants.
Don’t worry, Yara, Mama Gwen will probably do everything for you so you’ll have time to workout and wear a skin tight dress in like 10 minutes, making us all hate ourselves further. It’ll be okay.

Big Mike & Nataloonie toon:
The big guy is driving the fun bus to the airport for the couples’ big trip to Oklahoma. Mike made uncomfortable flirtatious comments as he drove, while Natalie squirmed awkwardly in the passenger seat, looking frizzy and flustered as usual. She explained that she was nervous to see her Butter-in-law since she now knows mom wasn’t a fan of their marriage. Mike mentioned he was excited to try a traditional Ukrainian dish Natalie was going to make for Thanksgiving, even offering to help lend a hand. Natalie, however, declined as she feels Ukrainian food should only be made by a native Ukrainian (Which is probably why Natalie wore so many “traditional” looking outfits in all of her cooking videos… It’s called authenticity, Mike. Look it up.  Maybe he could just DRESS Ukrainian… like in Lana’s pink sweatshirt, and then he can help).
After the long plane ride, they finally touched ground in Oklahoma where Trish (Mike’s mother) arrived with her bangs flying high and balloons in hand. Natalie attempted to suck up by complimenting Trish’s dingy flannel shirt, which ended up being more awkward than flattering, and then proceeded to sit atop of the luggage as Mike wheeled all of her personalities out to the car.
They arrived at Mother Mike’s house and it was everything I was hoping for and more. There were antiques and chotzkies galore, sewing machines, a beaded curtain….. It was making Natalie’s head explode. Mother Butter proudly showed off her fine collection of pig figurines, which has been her life’s work for the last 30 + years. She then presented a chocolate on chocolate cake to celebrate that read “Happy Birthday Mikey & Mommy” to celebrate both her birthday as well as her baby Sasquatch’s. Of course the chocolate cake in general was enough to repulse Natalie, let alone Mrs. Butterworth babying her 36 year old son. Trish made the mistake of asking Natalie how she felt about life in Squim, and was taken aback hearing Natalie’s list of complaints and blunt statement “I have only one life and I deserve to be happy”. She took that as a cue to show Natalie to her room (though I’m sure she would’ve been happier to show her the curb). Once in the privacy of the pig themed guest suite, Natalie continued acting totally bizarre, twirling around with one of her personalities making weird passive aggressive comments. If Natalie keeps this up, she’s never going to inherit the pigs statue…..

Brandon & Julia Gulia:
Brandon brought Julia to a beer hall for a playdate with his high school friend Melanie and her boyfriend (who I shall call Silent Bob). Julia was horribly jealous right off the bat, noting Melanie’s hair and makeup was done and figuring this was to reel Brandon in, rather than the idea that she might want to look nice on national television. Melanie, much like Brandon, also enjoyed a brewsky, which only made Julia more angry. Brandon and Melanie reminisced about their hay days (literally, because farmlife) watching scary movies and hanging out. Julia felt left out and proposed that she and Melanie’s boyfriend should just leave the two to be alone. Melanie started off seeming like a harmless friend, until she began to question Julia’s intentions and if she was using Brandon for a green card. Julia got mad and stormed off, leaving a huge platter of French fries on the table, as Brandon trailed behind. She demanded Brandon bring her home at once or “I go …” yeah, you know the drill.