90 Days Of Our Lives; S8, EP 17

Jovi & Yara:
Back on our Vegas Vacation, Yara is having a little glam time with her hair/makeup lady, who did a great job (except for the fact that she teased the front of Yara’s hair with a slight “Something About Mary” effect.) Other than questioning “Is that hair gel?” Yara looked beautiful in her long sparkly dress with the slight baby bump starting to take shape (though it looked more like she just ate taco bell). 
The couple checked each other out in their wedding attire, pleased with their wedding day looks as they headed to the Graceland Chapel for their date with the King. They must have paid for the deluxe package, as it included 70s Elvis walking Bride Yara down the aisle while playing an acoustic version of Amazing Grace (generally one might want to refrain from walking down the aisle to anything with the word “wretch” in the lyrics, but- When in Vegas!). Most of the guests seemed to enjoy the hunka burnin’ wedding, including the biker couple, who looked to be relatives of Jovi. The only one who seemed skeptical was Jovi’s friend Sarah, who was still taking bets on how long the couple would last (not a good look for her).
Later on the episode turned into the “Yovi” show, as it really focused on Yara’s pregnancy. Apparently right after the wedding in fabulous Las Vegas, Jovi had to set sail for 4 weeks on for work, leaving Yara alone and pregnant in the early days of the c ovid. Afraid that Yara would be scared and lonely, Jovi’s mother Gwen drove all the way to the city to pick her and bring her to stay in her swamp taste home (Mother Gwen is an absolute saint… she probably had to deal with a lot of complaining). Due to the virus, Jovi ended up being 4 MONTHS on, conveniently missing out on the bulk of Yara’s pregnancy, before he was finally cleared to come home (Orrr he was passed out in the back of  TGI Friday’s bar somewhere. Unclear.) In the meantime, Yara had nothing better to do but spend time with his friends and family, eating peasant food and wrastlin’ gators. 
Jovi finally returned to N’orleans just in time for his birthday. Gwen picked him up from the airport and gave him a birthday gift (a baby carrier), which seemed to cramp his style as it was way too big to hold a beer, and-in his mind- didn’t qualify as birthday gift material. When he returned to the couples’ swampy apartment, Yara had made him a homemade Ukranian cake, which he claimed tasted like cardboard (though it did look pretty, A for effort!). We also saw the couple have a gender reveal party, delivering the news that they were having a baby girl. They both seemed genuinely excited, and Yara made pregnancy somehow look cute. The editing in this part of the episode was all over the place, but sometime shortly after the gender reveal portion, Yara went into labor. Jovi seemed to actually be helpful when her contractions were ”4 minutes on and 4 minutes off”, and seemed overjoyed with the baby, whom they named Mylah. While Yara was asleep in the hospital, Jovi took his shirt off to go “skin to skin” with baby Mylah, almost appearing to be breastfeeding her (but there wasn’t any pool in the hospital, and we all know you can only breastfeed in a pool.) Yara left the hospital in a dress from 5-7-9, looking better than I did when I actually shopped at 5-7-9.
Congratulations to Team Yovi, and welcome to the wild world of 90 Days, baby Mylah!

Natalie & Big Mike:
Meanwhile, back in Squim….
Natalie somehow moved passed Big Mike getting cold Sasquatch feet the night before the wedding two episodes ago and the couple is now getting married on the 90th day. Despite all of the shenanigans she had to deal with, neighbor Tamara joined Natalie to be her hype woman as she prepared to finally become Mrs. Big Mike (If I was Tamara I would’ve told her I was busy washing my mullet and couldn’t make it). Neighbor Tamara couldn’t believe the couple had reconciled, and explained her surprise when Mike rode over to her house “on his quad” to let her know the wedding was game on. 
Since everything about the wedding was last minute (literally…I believe they had less than 24 hours left on the Visa), Natalie had to improvise on a wedding dress and wear a white Grecian style Summer dress she had brought from the motherland. Tamara remarked how beautiful she looked (obviously just trying to give her a boost on this awkward wedding occasion), to which Natalie- with her healthy self esteem, channeled her inner Regina George and replied “I know” (I guess Mike’s “your beauty is ugly” comment didn’t have much impact). Natalie paired her last minute dress with some white sneakers, which was probably just in case Mike backed out and she had to walk herself back to Seattle. She ran a brush through her dry frizzy curls, causing them to fluff up and expand, making the silhouette of her head match the triangular shape of the Squim tree landscape. 
It was finally time for the big ceremony, and a nervous Natalie made her way out the front door to the infamous Blue Lagoon where Big Mike was waiting with the officiant. She was relieved to see him standing there, knowing he could have changed his mind at least 4 more times before she stepped outside. Uncle Beau was dressed in his finest white wife beater and matching white Bongo jeans, because clearly he never got the memo that you’re not supposed to wear white to a wedding nor do you try and upstage the bride (too late. Also, he never got the memo because he lives in a shed and doesn’t have a mailing address, and he broke his fax machines because the aliens were trying to use it to send him messages again). 
The ceremony was short and somewhat sweet, and had a central theme of “forgiveness” as well as love. Uncle Beau and Tamara were on the sidelines, alternating between howling and screaming “OhYeah!” in celebration. Uncle Beau even admitted to shedding a tear (though probably because he realized he’s never going to be allowed in the house again). Natalie and Mike seemed as happy as they could be, as Mike picked up his bride, caveman style, and went into the Squimish house to party…..without alcohol or meat products. 

Stephanie & Ry- Cousin Harris:
Stephanie is back at home in Michigan doing fun Stephanie things, like ceremoniously burning Ryan’s Visa application, and vowing to work on getting Cousin Harris’ adoption papers in order. She then had to have the difficult conversation with her cat that Daddy Ryan was no longer in the picture (Though I’m sure he was more pissed off that no one adopted him from his Petfinder application he made for himself while she was away). Stephanie video chatted with Cousin Harris, claiming that he has been the best fake boyfriend ever, as he has been working overtime checking in on her 5-6 times a day. Stephanie requested a quick face to virtual face chat with Harris’ baby mama, Emma, so she could make sure Emma wouldn’t mind loaning Harris out for a little “landscaping” in the old US of A. Stephanie started the conversation by complimenting Emma’s outfit (which seemed passive aggressive, being that she was basically wearing a pajama top, or at best, a spaghetti strapped tank top with her bra straps showing). Emma claimed to be willing to play Sister Wife for the cause of the greater good of the Family Harris, which was all Stephanie needed to hear!
Stephanie proceeded to parade her cat around the kitchen for a celebratory key lime yogurt, while replacing the picture of Daddy Ryan on her Smart fridge by scotch taping a picture of Harris over top (I wonder if her fridge has 4 degrees from Harvard as well…).
Back in Belize, Harris and Baby Mama Emma sat together at the beach and looked on as their four kids happily splashed in the waves. Harris explained to production that Stephanie is his once in a lifetime Golden Ticket as he knows coming to America would help him give his family a better life. Harris and Emma embraced on the shore, even stopping to kiss for the cameras as they seemed to be on the same page with the Stephanie sham. 

No more Andrew & No more Amira:
Andrew sat down for lunch with his mom and sister, and it seems as though shampoo is not a family tradition. They discussed the Amira situation, noticing her absence on what would have been her first day in America. Mother Andrew couldn’t seem to understand Amira’s reasoning for not wanting to embark on such a journey after her luxurious 14 day stay in Serbia, but Andrew seemed oddly at peace with her decision. His family questioned how he could be so calm and collected about the “love of his life” ditching him after an anxiety attack, but he seemed to explain that it was probably a culmination of events leading up to Amira’s decision.
Amira returned to her little storybook town in Frahnce, back to her childhood bedroom which looked absolutely nothing like Sephora. Though she seemed bummed out about being back, she claims to feel she is now in a safe place where no one is hurting her (Again, I’m not sure who was hurting her, as she could have hung up the phone at any point in time and blocked Andrew’s number being that he was an ocean away….). I’m not gonna lie… this story seemed full of holes and missing any real point. The detention center story was fishy…. The random fight about having kids at the end of the relationship was fishy… None of it really added up.  At the very least, she avoided dealing with his sweaty hair and he dodged listening to her voice. And now we only have the Tell All, and then it’s Au revoir forever!

Can’t wait for the Tell All!!