90 Days Of Our Lives; Season 8, Episode 16

Natalie and Big Mike:
Meanwhile, back in Squim….
After the dramatics from last week, Mike tries to explain his reservations about the wedding… He also had reservations for a hotel room for Natalie in Seattle, so she could easily access the airport for her one way trip to Ukraine by way of France. Natalie was in the car with neighbor Tamara crying the entire road trip to the hotel, wondering why Mike called zee vedding off. They arrived around 3 hours later at the hotel lobby with Big Mike’s credit card in hand, ready to check in, forgetting that things don’t work that way. Though Tamara tried to explain to the desk clerk “But we’re trying to ship her back to Ukraine!!” they were still denied a room for the night. Natalie, filming herself due to the pandemic, told the camera that she was “basically on the zee streets”, as Tamara claimed her house was too full to fit Natalie and her 7 other personalities, and didn’t bother to offer to put the hotel room on her own credit card. 
There didn’t seem to be any other option but to go back to zee voods and face Sasquatch himself (Hopefully she offered Tamara some gas money or something…that poor woman drove 7 hours or so roundtrip with Natalie in full Fatal Attraction mode.)
Once back in Squim, Natalie and Mike slept in different bedrooms (while Tamara went home to her empty house, laughing to herself). The next morning the sort-of couple had their big “talk”, where Mike explained the same thing he’s been saying for the entire season; He feels rushed and not ready and “we gotta work things out, like ya know?”( All of this took place while Natalie was ironically wearing a shirt that read “WANTED”..) SOMEHOW they seemed to make up and Natalie was still on board for zee vedding. In another stall tactic, Mike got the brilliant idea to call an immigration lawyer to see what other options they may have about extending the Visa so they could hate each other in person a bit longer (here’s your late pass, Mike…should’ve done that 5 episodes ago). 
The immigration lawyer encouraged the couple to get married asap in order to be within the confines of the K1-Visa, and possibly to put more pressure on the big guy. But Mike didn’t seem to be changing his wishy- washy stance in regards to the wedding, trying to postpone as long as possible. Ultimately the immigration lawyer had enough hearing about this ridiculous relationship and confirmed she wasn’t a therapist. It looks like they’re still stuck in the same holding pattern they’ve been in for a few weeks. Tamara better gas up the truckster! I feel another trip to Seattle coming on!

Yara & BonJovi:
It appeared that Jovi is currently out of the dog house (though that seems to be subject to change every few minutes or so, stay tuned), as the couple went to the casino to gamble with Jovi’s friends. After losing a bit of money on Blackjack, Jovi and Yara felt it was time to start doing some wedding planning, being that they were merely 2 days away from showtime. The first of their wedding errands consisted of stopping at a jeweler to pick out wedding bands. Yara of course wanted something sparkly that cost a few more lap dances than what Jovi wanted to pay. Tagging along for the day was Jovi’s mother, Gwen, who was #TeamYara when it came to ring shopping. (She figured a little sucking up couldn’t hurt…it helped her secure her invite to the wedding so maybe she’s hoping Yara will let her meet the baby now if she sides with her about the ring). 
With one day left until the wedding Jovi decided it was time to look for a tux. The upbeat salesperson presented him with the perfect look, and politely asked that he doesn’t throw up on the tux, as it’s a rental (It’s like she knew him or something! She’s even better than Psychic Maria!). Father Jovi and friends questioned if Jovi was making a hasty decision by marrying Yara so quickly, but he was all “It’s my liiiiiiife and it’s now or neverrrr” And that was it. 

Team Tarzel:
Tarik is getting his daughter Auri ready (amidst the piles of wires and random things in his bedroom) in her white dress for the official Tarzel wedding at the Psychic Center (Best place for a wedding… they already know how many people you’re having and if they’re going to want chicken or fish). Hazel was having her hair and makeup done, accompanied by her team of ladies from last week.  Though she was sad that her family- namely her son, couldn’t be there in person, she felt better knowing they could all watch the Tarzel Affair (literally) via satellite. Tarik looked like…well, Tarik, walking down the aisle in an all white tux with Auri by his side. Hazel looked nice as she came walking down the aisle in her upside down veil and cornflower blue heels. They had a lovely ceremony performed by Tarik’s friend Angela, who is hopefully not going to be asked to join team Tarzel (“Tarzela” just sounds like a scary monster that destroys cities..… or a pet-name in Yiddish). Most importantly, Tarik refrained from rapping for the ceremony and the party favors were mini bottles of Hawt Sauzz. 

Brandon & Julia Gulia:
Julia was prepping her wedding flowers as Brandon came to have a serious talk about their relationship, all while Julia was wearing cat ears. It’s not serious if there are no cat ears involved. They seemed to have made up from last week and are excited to move forward with their big day. Later that night, Brandon surprised Julia with a DIY spa evening (i.e. he used up all of Betty’s good shampoo for perm treated hair to make extra bubbles in the bathtub, lit some candles, and proceeded to ply Julia with the idea of romance, which will only result in Betty needing a lot more bleach and Draino).
The next morning was finally time for the wedding! The entire family raced around the farm getting everything ready for the ceremony. Betty was emotional, knowing that her baby boy was growing up and would soon have his own hot tub with his own set of rules. Ron took out his obligatory black suit (perfect for weddings as well as funerals…or just being fancy on the farm). Julia wore her last minute short cutesy wedding dress and coordinating tiara, making her look like she could audition for Swan Lake. She roughed up her princess look with a jean jacket and a socks/sneakers combination, possibly in case she wanted to make a quick get away. 
Brandon looked like an adorable ventriloquist dummy in his bowtie and jacket as they set out for the church (I actually did like his outfit). Betty and Ron managed to video the event for Julia’s parents, watching from Mother Russia, and simultaneously recorded and took photos. Pop Pop was also in attendance (no, not Zied, the other one!). The ceremony was short and sweet, with the couple deciding to read their personally written vows in each others’ native languages. Brandon was quite impressive speaking in Russian while Betty cheered him on from the sidelines. Brandon had blossomed from an angsty teen who was too cool for weddings, to a romantic Russian speaking husband, while Julia cried happy tears. Best of luck to the new Mr. and Mrs. Brandon! (Reception to follow in the hot tub. Clothing not permitted, the lint clogs the drain)

Rebecca & Peepaw Zied:
Rebecca is ready for her wedding day, getting gussied up with Tiffany and possibly the young blonde girl from a few episodes ago, not sure. Zied is alone in the “Lovebird Suite 2”, most excited about his hair, which he explains takes approximately 30 minutes to style to perfection. Rebecca’s entire wedding look was pretty iconic; Her hair was curled inward towards her face, creating the fullness of pigtails (which thankfully were not formal enough for the occasion) while her bangs were flat and straight. Knowing that her dress was too small and would never close in the back, she decided to Macgyver the situation by wearing a white corset over top. That’s right…Over, not under (I guess Sondra Celli didn’t have enough notice to whip something up. Also, white duct tape could have been an option).The corset appeared to have straps which were too long and did not align with the halter straps on the dress. The double strap method did however manage to hoist her boobs up into her neck creating soo mach boobies so perfect. 
She beamed with joy looking in the mirror before setting out into her magical Cinderella inspired horse drawn carriage that would bring her to the ceremony (though the empty shopping cart would have been more fitting).
Zied was so maach excited to see Rubekkuh arrive, impressed by both the horses and his busty bride who he claimed was “so mach sexy”. Rebecca was escorted down the aisle by her son-in-law Micah and a friend, who were either on their lunch break from Tractor Supply or on their way to a Billy Ray Cyrus concert, I can’t decide. 
The ceremony was short and sweet, with Rebukkah’s friend Melanie running around playing photographer/videographer (but probably just passive aggressively making sure to take pictures of Rebecca’s dress from every angle). Now that Peepaw and GG Reebukkah are now changing their Facebook statuses to “married”, Pop-Pop Zied will no longer have to live separately during Ramadan and all will be well in the Georgia detention center. The end.

Missing tonight were Andrew and Amira, though it appears that they will resurface next week to drag out their nothingness a bit longer.

REALLY missing tonight were Stephanie and any guy from Belize who is related to Ryan. I can’t believe they’re making us wait another week to watch her confront Cousin Harris’s baby mama (except that I can)