90 Days of Our Lives; S8, EP 15

Yara and Jovi:

Yara, Jovi and company landed in L.A. and were ready to trek across the desert to Las Vegas for the infamous Yovi wedding. Yara was aloof as she stared out the window, staying quiet as she dealt with Jovi’s spread eagle position in the back seat of the car. The crew made a pit stop for a little all-American kitsch at a rest stop with dinosaurs, which somehow didn’t even help snap Yara out of her funk. She missed all of the cheesy photo opportunities so she could sulk around with her shoulder slung jacket, pondering her life choices instead of enjoying the roadside attractions.
As the car arrived in fabulous Las Vegas, the whole gang seemed excited to see the strip and check into their hotel rooms. Yara’s friends tried stirring up a little extra drama for our benefit by asking if Yara was going to sign a prenup. Yara didn’t feel it was necessary being that Jovi only owned that broken coffee table and she hates his swamp taste anyway.
Once Jovi and Yara were alone in their hotel room, Yara laid out her list of grievances and confessed that she wasn’t happy (as if the permanent frown wasn’t a give away). Once again, Jovi promised to try and do better and put her first, demonstrating his commitment by calling off the evening of bar hopping with his friends so he could stay in and do nothing with Yara. Can’t wait to see the swamp wedding of the century!

Big Mike & Natalie:
Meanwhile, back in Squim…
Natalie is leaving the house in zee voodz to head to a hotel, since Mike decided to back out of the wedding on wedding night’s eve. Uncle Beau, being the gentleman that he is, helped Natalie put her bags into neighbor Tamara’s car, as she volunteered to drive Natalie to a hotel in Seattle for the night. Natalie explained that since Mike reneged on the wedding deal, she couldn’t stand the sight of him and had to leave the house. Mike had impeccable timing, as Natalie’s Visa was set to expire in 3 days, and she has to leave the country during a global pandemic, unsure if she will be granted admittance to Lanaland (Kiev). She’s flying to France in the meantime, and hoping to compare rings and horror stories with Amira. Natalie collected the last of her things from Mike’s car, making sure to sweep the cup holder for some loose change and even swipe his E-Z Pass. She bid Uncle Beau a fond but honest farewell as she vished him all zee best but bluntly admitted that she wouldn’t be writing “KIT” in his yearbook anytime soon (He seemed unbothered…probably just excited to unroll his scantily clad “ladies on motorcycles” posters and put them back up on his bedroom ceiling). 
Natalie was on her way into the passenger seat of Tamara’s car, when a giant looming Mike appeared in the doorway looking pitiful. He attempted to hug Natalie goodbye, but was swiftly denied. As Tamara drove towards the hotel in Seattle, she quickly realized that they would need the big guy’s credit card, and had to return to the voodz to get it. Mike leaned in the driver’s window and immediately asked Natalie for the ring back. Natalie denied him any ring returns, as she fought hard to earn that ring back, and wanted to keep it as a souvenir of her pain and suffering. Poor Tamara looked like she was watching a tennis match as her head bobbed from side to side watching the couple argue over her. Natalie curled up, crying, as she begged Tamara to drive zee car very far avay. Natalie cried and cried as they headed out of Squim which was thought to be for the last time, but the previews showed a return in her future. 

Brandon & Julia:
Julia is bored on the farm, sitting on her bed blowing bubbles and trying to pass the days of quarantine (which for her, were the same as every other day since her arrival to the farm). She was feeling pretty bummed about her derailed wedding, and having to completely change her plans. 
Though they were missing last week, the real power couple, Betty and Ron, came roaring back, as we saw Betty’s grooming skills on full display, giving Ron the “puppy cut”. Brandon talked with his parents about the wedding and his lack of enthusiasm, as Betty continued to trim Ron’s hair like he was a poodle. Even Ron and Betty questioned Brandon’s excitement and willingness to get married, being that he’s constantly unenthusiastic about the topic. He assured them that he was happy with Julia (mostly in the hot tub, but still), and doesn’t want to lose her.
Later on, the whole family sat down to discuss moving up the wedding date to avoid running into issues with the Visa because of the pandemic. Julia realized the urgency, and agreed to the speedy wedding (even though clearly Betty was more excited, since she’ll get to keep her claim on Mother’s Day Weekend). 
Betty offered to take Julia shopping for a dress and anything else she may need, and even offered to let her wear her own wedding dress (She should have taken Betty up on it… the 80’s are finally cool again, and who doesn’t love a high neck/puffy sleeve combo?!). 
Betty came into Brandon and Julia’s joint big kid bedroom to go over a few wedding details. Julia understood the necessity of the expedited ceremony, but still wanted to make it as memorable and special as possible. Brandon, on the other hand, acted nonchalant, making her feel like he was ready to wear jeans, sign a paper, and go back to squashing bugs; business as usual. This of course upset Julia, who stormed out of the room in tears. Hopefully they will work things out next week and give Betty the non-Mother’s Day wedding of her dreams!

Stephanie & Ry- I mean, Cousin Harris:
Stephanie and Cousin Harris strolled romantically along the beach, hand in hand and pantless. Cousin Harris stopped to climb a tree to present his new lady love with a fresh picked coconut. Apparently his Gilligan skills were a huge turn on for Stephanie, who feels coconuttiness is next to manliness. They sat down by the pier to enjoy the fruits and juices of Harris’s labor, making sure to drink the coconut water as erotic as possible. Speaking of erotic activities…. Stephanie made sure to look directly at the camera and let everyone know that her “glow in the dark” sexy time with Cousin RyHarris was “Phenomenal!”
Stephanie decided to ruin the mood by bringing up Harris’s baby mama and questioning their relationship status, as she had seen a recent photo of them together on his Facebook page. Harris claimed to be done with his ex for good, and he only has shifty snake eyes for Stephanie, both as her lover and landscaper (and now we know if her cat ever tries to make a run for it by climbing up a tree, Harris will be able to retrieve him). Stephanie also tried to make Harris aware of the fact that moving to Michigan would seriously cramp his palm tree scaling style. He seemed to have an answer for everything, because that Cousin Harris is a real go-getter.
Stephanie mentioned in conversation that Ryan had called her in the middle of the night (which must have sent chills down her pigtails). She claims to have no interest in speaking to him ever again, but of course thought to mention this to Harris to keep him on his A game. 
The time had finally come for Harris to head back from whence he came. Stephanie went down her mom checklist, making sure he had his cell phone charged, packed all of his new fun outfits in a garbage bag, had some snackies for his tum-tum, and of course a little spending cash as a parting gift. Stephanie opened up her rhinestone encrusted $100 bill purse and pulled out a crisp $100 for “snacks”. Harris admitted that $100 is about what he makes working for 2 weeks, instead of the 2 days he spent servicing Stephanie (and he’s now changing his name to Cousin Harris Bigalow; Male Gigolo). He told the cameras that he would forgo his snacks and use his earnings to buy stuff for his kids…. Father of the year!
Once alone, Stephanie orders herself a margarita as she ponders swapping out finances for the Visa. She feels that she and Harris have an “amazing connection” but would like to make sure he’s telling the truth when it comes to his baby mama. It looks like next week she’s going to attempt to contact her directly.  Things are about to get more stupider!

Rebecca & Peepaw Zied:
Rebecca and Grandpappy Zied are heading towards their wedding venue for their very rushed pre-Ramadan nuptials. Rebecca was clearly stressed out as she checked in with Zied about his wedding outfit. Unsurprisingly, Zied had chosen a red suit jacket and bright blue shoes, because primary colors so mach yes so perfect (I bet $20 his pants were going to be 2 sizes too small, and possibly yellow). Being the pigtailed fashionista that she is, Rebecca pulled a “me no accept this” and dragged him to the nearest Target for a make-under. (Side note: I was way too excited to see them in Target. One, because I LOVE Target and basically live there. 2. Because watching them shop together was far more entertaining than the last few weeks of their segments). Rebecca enlisted the help of a friendly Tar-jay employee to escort them into the fitting room, just to find out that it was closed possibly due to Covid (though no one was wearing masks). It was unclear if they found something acceptable in the guys’ section, but I sure hope she got her 5% with her red card (Zied will be the coolest grandpa I know with his Target pants… mine used to buy his from the Haband catalogue).
After the shopping excursion, Zied called his sister to let her know the couple had moved up the wedding date. Sister Zied is not a Rubekkuh fan, noting that she has been married 3 times before. Zied feels his sister is a just upset that he has moved so far away, and will eventually be happy for him. 
Later on, Rebeccca had a frazzled look on her face (while ironically wearing a t-shirt that read “Choose Happy”) as she drove Zied and an unidentified caged animal in her backseat to the wedding cabin. Zied didn’t say much on the car ride (or in life, in general). He only stared ahead, wearing those sunglasses they give you at the eye doctor when you have your pupils dilated. 
Once they reached their destination, Rebecca headed over to meet up with her friend Melanie (who she seemed so mach angry with a few episodes back that  I wouldn’t have thought she would have gotten an invite). Melanie tried to remain positive as she talked through Rebecca’s worries and doubts, as well as her dress fiasco. Can’t wait for Peepaw and Mamie Rebukkuh to tie the knot next week!

Amira & Andrew:
Andrew (and his buttons on his shirt) are crying, as he lets everyone know he got a text from Amira saying she decided not to get on the plane to come to America. Though he doesn’t go into specifics, he admits that they were fighting, and he feels like a failure. 
Meanwhile, still in Serbia, Amira was but a damsel in distress alone in the “Privilige Inn” crying in hysterics as she told production about her latest fight with Daddy Daycare. She claims their fighting started on the phone and continued via text messages. The camera panned her phone, showing multiple angry messages from Andrew including an ultimatum; Get on the plane and come to the US, or else go back to France. Though she was obviously very upset, she headed to the airport with the intention of getting on the plane to see him anyway, knowing that their relationship was not in the best place (she just kept picturing that good lighting at Sephora and persisted). But right before her flight, she received another text saying that Andrew didn’t care what she did, just as long as she mailed back the engagement ring. Amira felt like this was the last straw for her, and that all of the bronzer and eye shadow in the world wasn’t worth it. She spoke to her father briefly before boarding her flight back to France. Bon voyage!

Team Tarzel:
As the wedding date is fast approaching, Hazel bought shoes and a dress for Tarik’s daughter, Auri. Tarik may have a weird Thailand shirt and might mispronounce “Menny”, but he does seem like a good dad.
Since the wedding was coming up, it seemed only logical for Hazel to call her parents to let them know she is “bisexwall” (her words, not mine), which we all knew would go over well being that her parents are super religious. Though her parents seemed happy to hear from her and excited about her having a fiancé, they were less thrilled about the bisexwallity. Her father seemed to accept her, while her mother decided she’d rather pray for her instead. Now that all of that was out of the way…. It’s time for the bachelorette party!
Hazel was super excited for her girl party, since she had only seen bachelorette parties in movies (she was probably happy to learn that the bathroom scene from “Bridesmaids” was optional). The party consisted of Tarik’s two female friends we had met before, and Hazel’s online turned real life Phillipina friend. There was a knock on the door and a half naked masked woman appeared (masked in a Covid way, not a sexy way). It seems that Tarik had hired a private dancer for the occasion, and one he knew would have the attributes Hazel would enjoy the most. It was the first time we saw Hazel really come to life and enjoy herself, as she watched the dance professional twerk from her required 6 ft away.