Love After Lockup; S3, EP 34

Quaylon & Shovel:
Shovel has yet another neon dayglow outfit on (like Lisa Frank from Wish .com) as she complained about Quaylon’s unemployment in the work sector as well as the bedroom sector. Nevertheless, she is determined to press on with her wedding dreams. She met up with her friend at the bridal salon to try on dresses (and it must be noted that her hair was parted with a 5” gap as if Moses did it himself, making the shape of her head look like the Golden Arches). After a few tries, she “Said yes to the dress” and was even more excited to for the quedding.
Shovel’s gold-lipped mama came over to babysit Mi’Elah for the night, and also give some motherly advice. She tried to explain that being happily married is much more important than just being married. 
While Shovel was outside, she left her phone unattended and Quaylon a message from Jay, the guy she had gone on a date with while they were broken up. She claimed she only talks to Jay because Quay doesn’t give her enough attention, and he felt as though there was a double standard. He then went on a tirade, accusing her of not “pleasing” her man. Things got heated as they continued fighting while talking in the third person.  

Andrea & Lamar:
Andrea’s Mormon passive aggressive cheerleaders are coming to visit her to “celebrate how fabulous” she is. Andrea was working hard to impress them, as she rented a limo (sending the bill to Sharp Entertainment), and picked up the most random bunch of people wearing boas from the airport. The ladies toured L.A. in style, gawking at the bright lights and big city. They made a stop at the iconic “Randy’s Donuts” before heading back to Andrea’s house, where she decided to call it a night. Her friends were very surprised that they weren’t invited for a grand tour of LamAndrea’s home, but this was because she knew her friends would judge everything from the barred windows to the bullet holes in the door…. (Just like they judged her underwear lines which were visible through her hot pink spandex dress, noting she wasn’t wearing her traditional Mormon garments). 

Shawn & Destinie- one last hurrah??:
Destinie called Shawn with a desperate yet annoyed tone, asking for him to come meet her in a random parking lot. He did so in the name of closure, but was also worried that she could be setting him up to be robbed (which is actually a distinct possibility). Shawn pulled up with Destinie leaning in the car window asking for money, complaining that she was walking around shvitzing since Shawn repoed his car. With her vape in her hand, she gave Shawn the rundown on how he is actually to blame for her current state of affairs, since she was talking to twenty other men while in prison and cut the off to be with him. He seemed to feel  bad for her and gave her the last $40 he had in his wallet before saying goodbye one last time. Destinie vaped away into the distance, muttering “greedy-ass MFer” under her breathe, as she tucked the $20s into her bra. 

Later on, Shawn went to his ex girlfriend/baby mama Kelly’s house to try and repair his broken relationships, since he was now out from under Destinie’s spell. His daughter Gracie was heart broken, feeling like her father was choosing a methy scammer who drinks hand sanitizer over his own children…probably because, he did. Poor Gracie….

John & Kristianna:
Kristianna woke up in her marital bedroom with the LED twinkle lights really setting the mood. She couldn’t help but think about the information that she learned last week from her mother about John and her sister Terra getting close while she was locked up. She strolled over to Terra’s old bedroom, which was conveniently located next to John’s (although the entire set up in that basement looked like it was straight out of Buffalo Bill’s house, which is now open as an AirBNB in case anyone needs a relaxing vacation idea…). 
Kristianna called Terra to plan a visit, since the “sissers” have yet to see each other since Kristianna became a free woman yet again. Can’t wait for the sisterly reunion…might fill up a jello put to have on standby.

Brittany & Marcelino:
The family is still hanging out in Alaska with both Cindy, Brittany’s mother, and her dad and his new girlfriend (not awkward at all…and also another fun torture tactic of Brittany’s to try and set her mother straight). Cindy tried to get her ex husband Gil alone to talk, which ended up with him comforting her as she cried on his shoulder beside a fire pit. She pulled her act together in time for the family to make smores, and I’m just so glad that the family could have such a nice trip while Cindy mutters in the background throughout her emotional terrorism. 
On a fun note…They managed to get away for the day to see another town in Alaska who elected a cat as their mayor. (New York should consider doing the same…)

Amber & Puppy:
Amber is ready to head into work after dealing with the Puppy drama from last week. While she was smoking a cigarette before her shift, her ex boyfriend Sammy rolled up in a pickup truck, fresh out of prison. He didn’t look too bad with his sunglasses on from a distance, but up close, he looked a bit methy. He confessed that he has never stopped loving Amber, and remembers their physical connection to be the best he’d ever had. Amber can’t help but have feelings for him, despite the complications with Puppy. Cue the Sarah McLachlan music, this puppy is going to look super sad when she hears the news!

Michael & Sarah:
Michael was at his mom’s house, playing the pianos with his long fingernails because he’s classy like that. After a beautifully butchered rendition of “chopsticks”, they segued into talking about his current open relationship status with Sarah, and how this time it’s going to work. His mother of course doesn’t understand how openly cheating on each other is going to make anything better, but Michael tried to to tell that he’s willing to cut it all off if Sarah wants to be exclusive. He further lies to his mom,claiming that he’s not seeing anyone else, right before heading out to meet yet another “female”. Sarah called in the middle of his day date, and he (obviously scripted) said “oh don’t mind her”, gesturing to the phone. Michael’s lunch date and new flavor of the week, Sascha, seemed very interested in being enchanted by the devil eggplant emoji. 
Meanwhile, back in Rochester, Sarah is meeting back up with Malcolm to discuss the way they left off. She tried explaining that Michael shacking up at the house was not for her, but for her kids…. And to potentially make more. Malcolm clearly was on to her, asking if this meeting was due to the fact that Michael was out of town, and asking if they had been sleeping together. Sarah skirted around the question, trying to pretend that it was such so far fetched, forgetting that he may someday watch Love After Lockup. I’m actually thinking this relationship may work after all. Also, she needs deep conditioner.