90 Days of Our Lives; S8, EP 13

Big Mike & Natalie:
Meanwhile, back in Squim…
It looks like last week’s truce was held over in honor of Uncle Beau’s birthday (a potentially new national holiday). Natalie and Mike were decorating the ole’ Squim-shack to celebrate the occasion. Tamara, the “neighbor” came all the way up from the bottom of the hill for party time, walking hand in hand with Uncle Beau, making me question if the “most stylish man” is possibly taken? (and the studio audience goes “WoooOOOoooooOO”). Natalie seemed to retract her laser beam stare for the night and even accompanied the humans in singing the traditional birthday song, not even complaining about Mike and Uncle Beau taking birthday shots. 
Next we saw Mike and Natalie out in the breathtaking Squim wilderness on a little fishing trip to catch a delicious bass. Natalie still has her crazy eyes on the prize, aka her engagement ring, as she checks in with Mike about their relationship status. Mike admitted that things seemed to be moving in a positive direction, but he’s not done with his mind games just yet.(He should have just reissued the ring on this fishing expedition, especially since the woodsy setting had all the makings of a Lifetime movie where the femme fatale pushes her overgrown passive aggressive ex but still kind of current fiance into the river before claiming his life insurance policy, inheriting his bluetooth, and then running away with his most stylish Uncle. Possible titles include “Seduction in Squim” and “Zee Rink of Deception”).
The following day, Natalie snuck away from the house for the day to go secret wedding dress shopping, despite missing all of the basic components of a wedding. She felt optimistic that the big guy might be softening, so she figured it wouldn’t hurt to try on dresses, especially since things were starting to shut down due to the ‘rona. Natalie made sure her sweet mother was watching the bridal fashion show via satellite as she tried on a variety of mermaid style dresses. She finally found a dress she liked, making sure to practice her famous zainy Natalie skip all around the store. But soon after saying “YEZZ” to the dress, she realized she wasn’t even sure if the wedding would happen, and ended up leaving empty handed (also, she probably didn’t want to hang it up in Mike’s stinky closet). 
With 13 days left on the clock, Big Mike is driving home, contemplating his next move with the ring and of course wearing his bluetooth. Once home, he seemed as annoyed with Natalie as ever, but decided to give her an unenthusiastic monotone speech before reissuing her ring. Natalie of course accepted, but wanted to make sure they were starting off on a clean slate, and asked if he had finally forgiven her for the Kiev incident. Mike got mad, feeling like she was ruining his lackluster moment that he was already forcing himself to have in the first place, before turning into my 85 year old grandmother with a very annoyed “Oy vey”. Figuring this was one of the last nights he would have the upper hand, he segued into a cheesy line about “wanna not social distance??” before picking her up like Tarzan and bringing her to the bedroom. End scene

Brandon & Julia:
Julia is super excited to go check out an old church as their potential wedding venue, while Brandon seemed more “bleh” than last episode. The church attendants gave them the grand tour, pointing out all of the specifics, with Betty chiming in as if she was the official wedding planner.  Ron and Betty were on board for wedding planning, though they still weren’t crazy about the May date competing with Betty’s all encompassing Mother’s Day Weekend. Julia tried to have Brandon explain why picking May 9th was so important, but he claimed to have forgotten (or he just didn’t want to embarrass himself by admitting that the first time he messaged a Russian go go dancer, he used the line “You look like my future wife”… all while he was probably out at IHop with Betty for Mother’s Day).
Julia sat by herself in the back of the church, noticeably upset, while Brandon just sat there shrugging like an angsty teen pretending to be too cool for weddings.Julia feels as though Brandon is just going through the motions, especially since he told her he was marrying her to make her happy. He admits that his dreams never included a big wedding (only naked hot tubs). Hopefully these two can figure something out, or else they’ll have to play “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to figure out who’s telling Betty the wedding is off.

Yara & Jovi:
The chronically cranky couple seemed to have lightened the mood as they enjoyed some Mardi Gras festivities.Yara seemed to be smiling and having a great time, and her jacket was finally being worn instead of slung over her shoulders. 
The next day, she went wedding dress shopping with Jovi’s mother, Gwen, who had yet to hear if she was even invited to the wedding. Yara selected a few flashy form fitting dresses for her Vegas Vacation, which all looked great on her, despite her baby bump (which was smaller than most people’s food babies). Gwen watched Yara try on each gown (even the one with the incredibly high slit and tons of cleavage), eventually gushing over a long sleeved, high necked look. Appreciating all of Gwen’s gestures and welcoming nature, Yara decided to open her heart and extend an invitation to the wedding of Mr & Mrs Bonjovi.
In the next segment, we saw Jovi and Yara leaving an Urgent Care after Yara apparently slipped and fell on her back. She was a bit shaken being that she’s pregnant, and having had a miscarriage with her previous pregnancy. Jovi seemed attentive and concerned, not wanting to leave her side, but admitted he was in a bit of a “pickle”, since it was the night of his bachelor party; Something he had been training for his whole life. Yara agreed to let him go for 1 or 2 hours, as long as he didn’t drink too much and wasn’t home late since they were flying out to Vegas in the morning and he had yet to pack, because…. boys. Jovi’s friend Caz called to discuss logistics for the evening’s festivities, and didn’t seem deterred or concerned when hearing about Yara’s incident. 
After promising Yara he’d behave (and probably crossing his fingers behind his back), Jovi met up on Bourbon Street with his two best friends. They sauntered over to Jovi’s old stomping grounds- “The Penthouse”, a Clothingless Female Dancing Establishment. Jovi was livin’ it up, Old Jovi style, takin’ shots and makin’ it rain. He couldn’t hear Yara’s phone calls over the music in the club, and couldn’t feel his phone vibrating in his pocket over the half naked girl sitting on his lap. Jovi’s friend Caz really upped the ante when he sent Jovi upstairs with one of the ladies of the evening to the champagne room presumably for premarital counseling.(Jovi, you give love….a bad name ((bad name)) Previews for next week show an angry Yara unable to even look at Jovi as they head to Vegas for their nuptials. Can’t wait to see what went down!

Team Tarzel:
Tarik was packing up some garbage to take to the local dump (which ironically didn’t include any of his decor) when Hazel came upstairs and asked to have a serious talk. (I think the episode would have been more enjoyable watching Tarik go to the dump….. or at least greater than or equal to Pol’s sewage treatment plant activity). Hazel confronted Tarik about his communications with “Menty”, questioning if he still had feelings for her.
With only 2 weeks until the wedding, Hazel is still unsure if she can fully trust Tarik. He insisted that they should move forward from their issues and prepare for the Tarzel wedding (at the psychic center). Tarik went with his friend to try on tuxedos for the big day (I guess his Thailand shirt doesn’t count as formalwear). He spoke with his friend in regards to his reservations about the wedding, due to the couples’ trust issues. Even Tarik’s friend told him that speaking to Minty Fresh was a bad idea, but Tarik seems to maintain that it was innocent, even though he blushed when asked if he had feelings for her. (Can’t he just ask someone at the psychic center how this is all going to turn out?? I mean, what is he paying for with his membership?!)

Amira & Andrew:
Amira re-explains for the umpteenth time the situation the couple is facing; Either quarantine in Serbia for 2 weeks so that she can fly to America while there is still time on the K1-Visa, or try and postpone it. She claims that if it were up to her, she would pick option B (though the funny part is, it IS up to her). Nonetheless, she calls Andrew on video chat to rehash the two options, just to further waste everyone’s time. Andrew calls her “baby” every other sentence, posing with his best angle for the video chat, and tries to persuade her to be #TeamSerbia. Amira feels pressured, and just decides to take the risk to go, despite the advice of her friends and family. 
She then fake cried all the way to the airport to say “Bon Voyage” to Frahnce and hello to the dumb Serbia scheme. Though I am sure it’s super hard to stay in a hotel room ordering room service and watching movies with subtitles for 14 days all before Ubering to the airport to head to America, it’s the risk one takes to get to see the bright lights and highlighter that the American makeup stores have to offer. (Also, the hotel was called “Privlege” suites… but still, it’s a struggle).
She spoke to Andrew on video chat who seemed excited to see that she had arrived safely at the hotel. Though she was nervous, Amira kept visualizing the black and white stripes at Sephora and knew it would be worth it in the end.

Rebecca & PeePaw Zied:
Rebecca is back on chicken duty at Joella’s, and Zied is strutting on over, looking like he stepped off of the pages of an “International Male” Catalog in his sparkly t-shirt, red tight pants and red sneakers to meet her for lunch. She brings him a number 3 combo meal (hope he got the Pawpaw Zied senior discount now that he’s a grandpa), and starts in with talking about their unresolved issues from last week. Zied is firm in his stance that the couple should either marry before Ramadan or he must stay somewhere else. …. Preferably with furniture.
Reeebekuh is feeling so maaach confused as Zied seems to have been fairly lax about the rules of his religion most of the time, but is all of the sudden pushing to be more strict during Ramadan, causing her to question his motives. He of course is hurt that she doesn’t fully trust him, and it seems as though he will try to find a place to stay for the month. (I’m fine with whatever he decides…. As long as he eventually goes turkey hunting). 

Stephanie & Daddy Ryan & Harris:
Stephanie is traipsing about the resort with Harris while wearing what appears to be a giant man’s undershirt from  Big & Tall. They sat down at the hotel restaurant to discuss all that has transpired in the last few hours. It appears that Stephanie has already moved on to Ry-I mean, Harris, claiming to have developed very deep feelings for him about 45 minutes ago. Harris pointed out that he had always warned Stephanie about Ryan and his manipulating ways, and he feels it is his job to protect her. Stephanie, figuring there must be some kind of 90 Day Fiancé exchange program, wasted no time asking Harris to come to America as her new emotional support fiance, to which he seemed eager and ready to do. She did, however, mention the slight red flag that Harris is technically married or with his baby mama and has three children. He maintains that he and Mrs. Harris are currently on a break, so starting a new life as Stephanie’s personal cabana boy couldn’t have come at a more perfect time (and in his best Mother Asuelu voice “I don’t care about the kids!”). I’m sure the immigration office will have no issues with switching out Stephanie’s Belizean lovers, especially since Harris has conveniently been responding when being called “Ryan”, and they may even share the same last name. Seems like Stephanie should really do a quick check in with psychic Maria to confirm her decision (I wonder if Psychic Maria works at Tarik’s psychic center….I wonder if she knew I was going to ask that…)