Love After Lockup; S3, EP 31

John & Kristianna:
Iowa’s most eligible man is french braided and back at the correctional facility to pick up his favorite inmate, round 2. Kristianna was so glad to be free once again, and admits that she indulged a little too much on the hot Cheetos from the commissary, as she has gained about 30 pounds. The couple had a touching reunion as they headed off in the Bonnie & Clyde themed Firebird, announcing they were going to “make babies”. But before they could get to work on that, they had to get a Covid test as foreplay. Once the negative tests were received, John and Kristianna pulled off to the side of the road to have a little ponytail pulling good time. Can’t wait to see the whole family reunion next week!

Shawn & Destinie:
It finally happened… we’re finally away from the courthouse ::phew::  and it only took about 5 episodes. Shawn is staking out Destinie’s sister’s house after calling a tow truck to reclaim the car he gave to Destinie when she was still pretending to like him. Destinie spotted him from the window with the nice tow truck driver preparing to haul off her earnings, and she ran outside swinging and screaming empty threats. Destinie’s sister was confused as to how Shawn knew her address, until he reminded her of the pizza they charged to his credit card (hopefully he doesn’t ask to have that repo’d as well). Destinie didn’t understand why Shawn won’t let her keep the car, especially since he gives money to his ex-girlfriend Kelly (conveniently forgetting about the 6 kids they share together), even though they aren’t together. The nice tow truck driver let Destinie hop onto the truck just long enough to retrieve her duffle bag from the trunk, before she jumped off and hurled insults at Shawn. She decided to end the towing party with a classic yet simple “Bye, Felicia”, all while Shawn stood there mouth breathing, before getting into his car and driving away slowly, saying nothing more than “Bye” out the window. It’s really a shame… I was already picking out what I was going to wear to that wedding.

Quaylon & Shovel:
After the Ferris Wheel proposal, the newly engaged couple headed back to the Ramada Extended Quay to retire for the night. Once Mi’elah was in bed, Shovel had to lay down some ground rules for the relationship to hold Quaylon aquountable so nothing would be unclear (she could have just xeroxed the list on the fridge that Angela made for Tony…..). She also made it known that he would not be sleeping in bed with her that evening, sending him out of her hotel room. Once in the hallway he ran into cousin D Mark, who’s isn’t exactly his biggest fan. The two men started arguing, with Quaylon spilling the beans about the new engagement news. This only escalated the screaming match which eventually became a fist-fight which caught the attention of Shovel, who came running out to break things up (I’m sure Quaylon would’ve won though…. He’s a blackbelt in Taequondo.). Shovel’s assertive yelling broke the two men apart as she instructed the camera crew to leave.

The next morning, the whole family packed up to head home and finally end their 5 week vacation in Branson (well they were probably there for 2 days, we were there for 5 weeks..). 
After the big fight from the night before, it was hard for Quaylon and DMark to have to share the quar ride home. Shovel spoke to DMark separately, asking him to put aside his feelings for the sake of Mi’elah and to give her new Fianc-quay a chance. The two men begrudgingly shook hands for Mi’Elah’s benefit, as they set off for the ride back to Kansas City (Hopefully no one fought over the radio station on the ride home…)

Amber & Puppy:
Amber picked up her mom so they can have a mommy/daughter visit and get the gang back together with Puppy, just like old times. Puppy, who has lost an obvious amount of weight in a short period of time, is busy working, cleaning houses, while simultaneously cleaning out the home owners’ liquor cabinet. Amber tells her mom that she is talking to her old boyfriend, Sammy, which seems a bit troubling. She explained that their relationship previously revolved around substance abuse and fighting, and Amber’s mom doesn’t want her to throw it all away on him. Both Amber and her mom are concerned  how Puppy will react when she learns of Amber’s secret relationship, hoping she will be able to maintain her sobriety that she already seems to be struggling with.  
The three amigos met up for lunch in their civilian clothing, checking out what they all look like on the outside. The lunch conversation revolved around the Vince adoption scam, with Puppy letting the others know that Vince had forged her signature on the paperwork and had been receiving benefits for fostering/adoption an adult pound- Puppy. 
Puppy feels that the only logical move is to take Amber and head to Vegas so they confront Vince in person and work on emancipating herself. Parents just don’t understand….

Brittany & Marcelino:
The whole Brittany clan is still hanging out in Alaska to wear their camo and attempt to fix Brittany’s mom, Cindy. Part of Brittany’s self help plan for her mother is having her facing her past trauma. She decided to take her mom back to a cabin she had previously lived where she had survived a massive explosion. They arrived at the site where the cabin once stood, which was just a pile of trash with a strategically placed bible place on top of some debris. Cynthia recalled the details of that night, admitting that she had felt exceptionally desperate that day after a fight with Brittany’s dad, and had drunk herself into oblivion. She remembers lighting a cigarette and the whole place going up in flames. Cynthia was not expected to live through the ordeal, but miraculously pulled through, as Brittany broke her parole to rush to be by her side. Cindy admitted to being disappointed when she awoke in the hospital, as she was at an all time low, and had lost the will to continue on. Brittany hopes that this trip and traumatic recanting of her experience will help her mother own up to her past so she can move forward in a positive way. 

Sarah & Michael:

Michael is still lingering around Sarah’s house like a human cold sore. He and Sarah have been playing grab-ass, while also having a little “family time” with the pretty girls. Sarah’s friend Emmy called to check in, only now learning about Michael’s new residency. Sarah could hardly wipe the smile from her mouth long enough to deny that she’s been sleeping with him, as she is unable to resist his devil extremity. Emmy tried to encourage Sarah to be strong, knowing this streak of happiness will end in an outside yelling match with her famous accent, but no such luck. Hope she’s not itchy from all of this “family time”….

Andrea & Lamar:
Since things have been a bit rocky in their relationship, Lamar decides to kick it up a notch by buying Andrea a car….. Presumably from someone on the corner. (It had bird crap on it, but that means it’s lucky, right?)
Lamar dressed the bird toilet up with a big red bow (which hopefully won’t get stuck and paper mache itself to the windshield), and smiled a big goofy grin. Andrea’s face lit up as she saw her giftmobile, and was in total shock. The couple figured they could take the dirty car to the car wash for old time’s sake, as it was their favorite date spot when Lamar was first released from Prion (…..now I see why he left it dirty. Slick move).