90 Days of Our Lives; S8, EP 10

Big Mike & Natalie:

Meanwhile, back in Squim…

Mike and Natalie head out to a restaurant (that hopefully has carrots) to discuss working on their relationship. Since they still can’t seem to work out their differences (and barely seem to like each other), Mike doesn’t think it’s a good idea to plan more details for the wedding. He’d much rather beat a dead horse instead. Natalie made a proactive suggestion that they should go to couple’s counseling, even offering to pay, but the big guy was not having it. 
In the next scene, Mike and Natalie are cooking dinner with a side of hostility (and knives. Way too many knives around). Natalie admits things are not good between them at the current time, as she watches Mike prepare his dinner with butter while muttering “I hate butter” under her breath (definitely a slight to Mother Mike).  Natalie brought up the therapy idea again, but no such luck.
Mike decided to go to the “diet coke” of therapy, aka getting his hair did, aka….seeing his sidepiece, Hairstylist Jane. She sat Mike down in her chair, flirting with him slightly as she asked  for updates about the Natalie situation. Mike basically described their relationship as a real live Fatal Attraction, acknowledging that 6 weeks is not a long enough timeline to iron out their differences. Stylist Jane saw her chance and asked “Wanna go on a date?? Just kidding…”, but she was probably already picturing herself lighting off fireworks in the daytime with Mike, pond-side, beer in hand, petting the damn cat. It was one of the only times Mike has smiled this season. Stylist Jane used her magical hairstylist powers to convince Mike to go to therapy, being that they were basically already having a session right there in the “Great Clips”. He thanked her for the trim and said he’s going to give her a big tip (no innuendos intended…maybe some. Haven’t had my butter today, my mind’s not that clear).
Mike finally agreed to accompany Natalie to therapy and she seemed overjoyed at the possibility of making their relationship work. Mike strutted his stuff on to the therapist’s couch wearing his Bluetooth earpiece, like he worked at a mall kiosk. Natalie was the first one to speak, starting by asking Mike to be more sensitive and understanding to the fact that she’s in a totally new place, adapting to a new culture. Mike confessed that he has made a lot of sacrifices to bring Natalie to the US, putting his own feelings aside, and is very unhappy (and probably hungry). He asks Natalie to explain the real reason why she’s there, which resulted in her staring and blinking. He finally filled in the blanks by saying that they were once in love but alas, times have changed. The therapist probably wanted to end the session then and there, but he encouraged them to work on finding out why they lost that lovin’ feeling, and see if they can make things work again. Next week’s preview doesn’t look any more promising, but has less Bluetooth earpieces. 

Yara & BonJovi:
The two swamplings are heading way down in the delta to hang out with Jovi’s family and friends for their engagement party. This is the first time Jovi’s father would be meeting Yara, since he also works a 4 weeks on 4 weeks off type of job as well .Yara looked pregnant-exhausted (or just didn’t bother wearing eyeliner) as they pulled up to the Parents Jovi’s house. Mother Jovi may have fibbed about the engagement party being a “small” get together, as she invited 50-60 people. Jovi’s dad wasted no time asking Yara what she thought about living in New Orleans and America in general. Being the honest Abe that she is, Yara admitted that she doesn’t like it and finds New Orleans in particular bad and dangerous. Jovi’s father agreed, mentioning that Yara’s outfits in the pictures that he lurked on Facebook looked a bit too scandalous to be wearing while walking around the city (….not like those other modestly dressed women in New Orleans who are lifting their tops up or anything…). Yara looked stunned, as she fancies herself a woman of class and taste….just not swamp taste. Jovi chimed in to throw her under the bus, claiming she always wanted to move to America, much like half of the women in the Ukraine. Mother Jovi took this opportunity to chime in to say she has heard of Ukrainian women seeking men to bring them to the U.S. Yara was offended, clapping back by saying it was just a stereotype, much like the stereotype that Americans are stupid. She also let his parents know that she would like to move to Budapest after the couple is married so she will be closer to her mother. Of course this news upset Jovi’s parents who don’t want their son to leave, let alone any future grandchildren (not even knowing Yara currently has a little crawfish in the boiler…. Or whatever bayou themed analogy you’d like to use).

Jovi’s mom ended the awkward conversation by announcing it was time to go get ready for the party. Yara wanted to stay and take a nap, so Jovi took the opportunity to go hang out with his friends. And by friends, I mean beer. On the car ride over to the insect feast, Father Jovi was laying on the Yara insults pretty thick, poking fun at her trustworthiness and inability to drive. Youch. Jovi did try to explain to his parents that Yara just needs time to adjust to life in America, as he has no plans on relocating to Europe (Bud Light is too expensive). 
Once Jovi and his dad were dropped off at the bug boil party (with a beer already in hand), Jovi’s friends wasted no time roasting him. They had taken bets on how long Jovi would actually stay married, explaining the “Jovi Ways” (Bars, Strip clubs, wild nights, and eccentric ideas). 
Next we saw the lovely couple getting ready for their engagement party, with Yara repeatedly curling the same chunk of hair. She was mad at Jovi yet again, but this time for leaving her, claiming he only brought her a plate full of crawfish to eat (Ok, I’d be mad about that as well). Yara wanted to tell his family about the pregnancy so they wouldn’t think she was weird for being so tired and nauseous, but Jovi wanted to wait. She yelled at him, telling him his voice was annoying and he is disgusting (but I think this just must be their love language).The Uber ride over to the party was even less pleasant, with the couple fighting in the back seat, and Jovi smuggling a beer in the car to pregame (clearly his star rating is going down). At least Yara’s dress looked pretty! Hope she doesn’t yak when they bring out the rest of the entrees. 

Team Tarzel:
The couple took a break from online threesome shopping to mow the 10×10 lawn with a riding mower. Tarik thought this exercise was both great landscaping as well as practice for Hazel to learn how to drive, as she has never driven a car before. After the yardwork, they went into the home gym with his daughter Auri, where they discussed the effects of the pandemic around the world. Hazel claimed to be so worried about her son Harry, since he recently came down with a fever. She feels so helpless being on the other side of the world, unable to be with him during this scary time. Tarzel Facetimed with Harry to check on his status, and were so relieved to hear that he was on the mend. Hazel is hoping that they will be able to bring Harry to the U.S. sooner than later, though the pandemic has caused a lot of complications with immigration. 

I’d like to personally thank Harry for being the subject of their entire segment, and redirecting their attention from thruppling for at least one episode. 

Stephanie & Daddy Ryan: 
Meanwhile, in Belize….. Stephanie is tutoring her “27 year old fiancé” Ryan (making sure to always give him that proper intro) on how to become a hula hoop champion (while I just sat here wondering if it was hard to check the hula hoops on all of the connecting flights….)
Anyway, Ryan joined his fiance in the hula hooping activity, while wearing his doo rag and oil slick tinted sunglasses from Pacific Sunwear. He seemed genuinely impressed with Stephanie’s skillz, bragging that she was going to hold the world record (maybe we finally figured out the glue that bonds this couple together?) 
After the fun and games, Stephanie sits Ryan down to discuss his pending trip to the U.S. Ryan seems excited to experience all that Michigan has to offer (which hopefully includes the Eminem tour of 8 Mile) and now Steph is going to have to buy him new underoos and clothing for the Winter. Stephanie wanted to know what Ryan’s mother thought about them being together, as well as his move to America. Though Ryan tried explaining that his mom is okay with the situation, Stephanie begged to differ, as his mother had blocked her. Apparently Stephanie had sent Mother Ryan money to help their situation during the pandemic, and didn’t even receive a thank you. When Stephanie asked if the money had been received, her answer was a lackluster “yeah, thanks.”, which didn’t sit well with Stephanie Warbucks. Steph felt like she was being taken advantage of and went into one of her crazy fits, demanding the money back and threatening never to help ever again. She’s starting to feel like she should have found a more appreciative family to sponsor (and is going to have to cancel the commissioned painting of all of them together to go opposite the one of her and the cats). She explains to Ryan that money doesn’t come out of her ass (she and Robert have that in common) and she expects a certain level of appreciation and acknowledgment, while Ryan just stared silently at the ocean, looking majestic in his head wrap.

Later on, Stephanie was having her mid afternoon cocktails and reflecting on the prophetic reading by Madam Maria, her personal psychic, before she had left for her trip. She remembered that Maria warned that Ryan could possibly come to the U.S. and leave her for a much younger woman. She’s starting to grow suspicious of Ryan, as the two lovebirds have yet to have “the whole magic show” in the few days she’s been in town (pretty sure she booked the premium vacation package that included this feature). Later that night, they had a beachside dinner where Stephanie brought up the psychic predictions. Ryan claimed the psychic reading mumbo jumbo is the work of the devil (giving off strong Luis vibes), and that Maria is just putting these negative thoughts in Stephanie’s head. The couple headed back to the hotel room after a semi heated argument, only to emerge a few hours later with Stephanie screaming and chasing Ryan out of the hotel. The previews for next week show Stephanie looking for a “real friend”, calling cousin Harris to come “console” her like last time… Can’t wait!

Sir Andrew & Amira:
It’s finally time for Andrew’s vacation to come to an end, as he packed up his 12 sided dice and got ready to head back to California, alone. He claims to have poured his heart, soul, and babysitting money into the relationship with Amira and isn’t sure what the future will hold, especially with only 27 more days left on the K1-Visa. Andrew’s mother was waiting for him at the airport when he landed, discussing the relationship status on the car ride home. His mother cringed as Andrew told her of his new Serbia plan, surprised that Amira would even entertain the idea of it, having just gone through the traumatic detention center experience and the lack of toilet paper. Andrew feels that the clock is ticking, and it may be their only chance to be together during their time constraints of the Visa. 
He returned home to his dog, apartment and oversized novelty stuffed animal that Amira named Garret (Or “Garr bear”) to keep him company. It’s quite a shame that Amira didn’t make it to the U.S., as Andrew had prepared a gift basket with a new iPhone, prepaid credit cards, and other goodies (he probably added a shirt that read “My fiancé went to Mexico while I was in the detention center and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” to the gift basket for fun). Andrew feels that he has spent a lot of money  (3000 hours of “Baby Shark” worth, if we’re being technical), and he’s hoping the couple can find a way to make things work. 

Rebecca & Zied:

Zied is still stuck in the Georgia detention center/Rebecca’s apartment, chatting with his family via Facetime. He admits to his sister Wiem that he’s a bit stressed, since Rebecca’s kids aren’t totally accepting of him yet, and he misses his niece and nephew. After his phone call, Rebecca tried to cheer him up with a fun idea; Temporary tattoos so they can match!
(Of course if Zied was going to get a REAL tattoo, it would most likely be of Rebecca’s filtered face, but these temp tattoos had skulls and tribal designs. Me no accept this.) Zied decided to put a tight sweater over his oddly placed “ink”, as he didn’t want his family to see it even on Facetime, as they would get upset.

Later that evening, Rebecca and Zied met up with her daughter Tiffany, son in law Micah and two random friends for dinner. They all wasted no time asking Zied how he was liking America and what he has been doing so far. He explained that so far he’s been playing Xbox and geeking out over a gallon of milk, but not much else. He also mentioned that seeing couples openly display affection in public has been a big adjustment, as this is taboo and a punishable offense in Tunisia. The young blonde girl at the table seemed to be fascinated with Zied, hanging on his every “so maach yess”, much to Rebecca’s dismay. Micah and his other male friend announced that it was almost turkey hunting season, and even extended an invitation for Zied to join (……which is great, because Zied hunting turkeys is exactly what this segment is missing). Once Zied expressed interest in participating, the friendly blonde girl announced she would like to go too. 
Rebecca started to feel uncomfortable, realizing that she’s the only one her age at the table, and that the blonde girl doesn’t even need to put filters on her pictures. When Zied mentioned that the couple didn’t even have their furniture moved into the apartment yet due to lack of transportation, blondie offered up her family’s vehicular transport and her own moving skills to be helpful. This seemed to be the final straw for Rebecca, who got weird and possessive, reminding Zied that it is against his religion to be alone with another unmarried woman. 
Look out, kids! Mom’s mad!
Hopefully Zied won’t mind spending more time sitting on his Xbox, looks like the furniture isn’t coming anytime too soon. Now let the turkey hunting commence! Soo. Maach. Turkeys.

As always, I’ll be going LIVE tonight (Tuesday) at 9:30pm EST on my Facebook page to discuss. See you there!