Life After Lockup: S3, ep 29

John & Kristianna:

It makes sense that a man with all of John’s charm would be caught in the middle of an interfamilial love triangle. He met with his Shaman to gather words of wisdom to better navigate his extra sticky situation. His spiritual leader advised John to resist the Terra temptations, which are purely based on lust, and work on being true to his new wife, Kristianna. John agreed that his bond with Kristianna is worth more than “30 seconds of pleasure”, (not realizing that he incidentally revealed that he’s half a minute man plus road rash from the fringe). John also admitted that he has a bit of a wandering eye and has never been able to stay faithful in any of his many relationships. And yet, one wonders….. “How” (which is also Native American for Goodbye).
After the meeting of the minds, John is back at home, working on fixing up a boat in his garage to impress Kristianna upon her release (or another possible getaway option if need be). Kristianna called to let John know the great news that she was being released early, however, due to the terms of her release, she can not live at the same address as anyone with open charges… i.e. sisterwife Terra.
John had to break the news to his mother in law and Terra that Kristianna was coming home but Terra is being evicted. Of course everyone worries about Terra’s sobriety, since she seemed to have cleaned up her act at John’s halfway house. John pretty much feels like this was a serendipitous way of getting out of telling Kristianna about his flirtations with her sister, though Terra plans on blowing the lid off of that one. Can’t wait to see this twisted saga continue, with more vaping and hopefully more fringe please/thanks.

Andrea & Lamar:

Andrea finally agreed to meet with Lamar’s daughter, Shante, as she realizes that they are in fact family. Lamar is happy that Andrea seemed to be coming to her senses at least for the moment, as she had a nice and civil conversation with his daughter. Nothing else pretty much happened, which probably for them, is a good thing.

Lacey & Daddy Chain:

Papa Chain is busy trying to change the code on the door to keep Chon out, as he learned last week through the grapevine that Chon is out of prison. 
Meanwhile, Chon is meeting up with Lacey’s friend Miranda to find out the inside information on Lacey, “the one who got away”. “
Miranda and Chon met up by a scenic lake to discuss the night that Chon got arrested most recently, as he was trying to figure out if Lacey had set him up. Miranda did not have that information, but she did drop the bomb that Lacey is pregnant with Chain’s baby. John stared longingly out at the scenic view, recounting his entire relationship with Lacey, and talked about the fact that Lacey was once pregnant with his child, years ago. He isn’t sure where it all went wrong, but I’m guessing meth. Surely he can have a second chance with one of the many women who probably slid into his DMs on the ‘gram since being on the show. Everyone seems to be into Papa Chon.

Brittany & Marcelino:

The entire Barcelino clan is packing up to fly to Alaska so Brittany and her mother could confront their demons in hopes of helping mom recover. They arrived after 10 hours (which included flying with 3 kids, so that made it more like 30 hours). Brittany’s genius plan included taking her mother, Cynthia to face HER mother (Brittany’s grandmother)Jackie, who caused both of them a great deal of pain in the past. Though they claimed that Jackie was a drug addict, they pulled up to her nice looking house in a seemingly decent neighborhood to surprise dear old grandma. After presenting Jackie with a hug and a bouquet of flowers, Cindy cut to the chase and started letting her mother know how much she had hurt her throughout her childhood, which affected her entire life. Jackie didn’t seem to take much responsibility for her actions, claiming that she had nothing to do with Cindy’s choices, inspiring Cindy to run outside for a mild panic attack. I’m not entirely sure if Brittany’s brilliant plan included her mother having a mental breakdown, but maybe it was just an added bonus. Hopefully at some point we get to see the family wear their matching camo outfits from the intro pictures…. 

Scott & Lindsey:

Scott was waiting out the clock Lindsey went on her rampage with the baby powder in his office, knowing that it was only a matter of time until she would wind up back in prison. As luck would have it, she was picked up 2 weeks later while “test driving” a car with drugs and a gun inside. She is facing possibly 5 years this time around, which would mean that Miley Grace would be 19 by the time she was released. Lindsey uses her final minutes of her phone call to tell production that she would rather have a pap smear and a root canal at the same time, than speak to Scott ever again, which is how I am now going to end most phone calls from this day forward. 

Quaylon & Shovel:

Meanwhile, still in Branson…
After Quaylon did the romantic pop up on Shovel, she wanted to speak with him privately, so the two went atop the Ferris Wheel. After a bit of back and forth about defining his level of commitment, Quaylon surprised Shovel with a mumbled speech about “being there from day one” followed by  Zale’s finest; a nice big engagement. Shovel said “YES” and happily accepted the ring, which looked fabulous amongst her 3” tie dye painted acrylic nails. I’m thinking cousin DMark shouldn’t give any speeches at the wedding.