90 Days Of Our Lives; S8, EP 7

Brandon & Julia:

It appears that this week Betty and Ron had to spend a night away and their regular babysitter was busy, so they ended up leaving the kids on their own. Brandon and Julia were sitting on the porch, smirking and waving as they watched the parental units drive away. Once the coast was clear, Brandon chased Julia around the farm playing grab-ass for a while before finishing off the evening with a naked cannonball into the family hot tub. It was even implied that they broke the number one house rule and slept in the same bedroom that night. Their wild night alone had all of the makings of a great 80’s teen movie, except they didn’t invite a large crowd of rowdy friends, there was no pizza landing on a turntable, there were no karate fights, no montages with the “booooow, chick-chickachick-ahhh” 80’s music playing in the background, and a lot more German Shepherds.

The next morning was a bit sobering, as Betty and Ron returned. Betty requested a sit down talk with the couple (which I had hoped the topic would be to go over the footage from her Ring camera). Her gripe, however, was merely with the way Brandon and Julia had improperly used the family hot tub. Betty interrogated the duo, checking to make sure they were in fact naked when in the hot tub, which seems to be the family’s hot tub etiquette. Julia explained her confusion on being allowed to have naked hot tub time, but no shared bedroom time. It seemed as though Betty’s priorities for preventing having grandchildren only applied on land. Merely concerned for the integrity of the hot tub filter and the pH balance of the water, Betty made sure to ask the tough question to see if any funny business took place in the love tub that night. She then explained to the camera aside that she has many-a times “cleaned up” the mysterious murky waters Brandon has left behind in her hot tub, which is supposed to be used for “therapy and not fun” (at this point Betty could use some therapy, hot tub or otherwise…also, new hair).

Next we saw Betty and Ron doing couples’ farm chores, discussing Brandon and Julia’s lack of commitment to the farm. They don’t appreciate Julia’s unwillingness to wake up at dawn and spring into action feeding animals that terrify her. They question if Julia will steer Brandon away from taking over the family farm when the time comes for them to be put out to pasture. Ron and Betty sat the couple down for a talking to, trying to lay down the law about earning their keep around the homestead. Julia and Brandon agreed to put forth more effort, though it’s clear that Julia is already pretty sick of her farm bootcamp. 
The next morning, Betty and Julia tag teamed it on the sheep/goat feedings, while Ron and Brandon went to move hay bales. Ron tried to pull a Mufasa, playing Pride Rock on top of the hay, telling Brandon “all of this will be yours one day, Simba”, though Brandon wasn’t interested. Julia seems to have reached a breaking point and is ready to leave Brandon’s mother hen and fly the coop.

Andrew & Amira:

Andrew is enjoying a juicy hamburger on his lame vacation while still waiting to hear if Amira was released by the Mexican detention center. He clawed at his face and checked his phone frantically, becoming thrilled to see that Amira had finally come online. She sent him a message that she had been detained for three days and was now on a plane heading back to Amsterdam (I’m hoping she can meet up with Jesse, but it is an illusion). Though Andrew was bummed that he would have to do a couples’ massage alone at the resort, he seemed relieved that she had been released safely. 
The cameras caught up to Amira in Amsterdam, where she appeared to be brushing her extensions and crying in a hotel bathroom. She claimed that the Mexico adventure was all Andrew’s genius idea, and that she felt pressured into giving it a go. She then recounted her experience in the detention center with details about the jail-like conditions and lack of toilet paper (a hardship everyone can relate to, thanks Covid).She is not sure if she will be able to move forward with Andrew after this experience, or if she should just find another guy who likes Dungeons and Dragons closer to home. 

Rebecca & Zied:

After last week’s interrogation at Applebee’s with Rebecca’s kids, it’s finally time for Zied to get to see his new home. He walked into the industrial building and was probably a little shocked to see that Rebecca had decided to rent a room in an overpriced warehouse where they shot the movie “Saw” (but at least they cleaned up the body and torture devices and installed some Ikea cabinets). Zied lied through his fake teeth as he proclaimed “Wow so much beautiful”. Rebecca gave him the tour (which was all of 10 seconds, being that it was an open studio apartment), as she explained everything to him in caveman speech. Zied was just tired, and ready to hit up the mattress on the floor, as Rebecca hadn’t had a minute away from her important fried chicken business to furnish the apartment in time for his arrival (Don’t worry, Rebecca, the shopping cart really tied the room together). 

The next morning, Rebecca left Zied alone in the Mexican detention center….oops, I mean, their apartment, which had no furniture other than the lone cart. He wandered into the kitchen area, very impressed by the gallon of milk, even chanting “milk milk mik milk” multiple times. After making himself some coffee, he strolled over to the window to video call his mom. Mother Zied misses her son soo maaach already, and was also very impressed by the large gallon of milk. This qualifies as television now, welcome to 2021.
Zied tattletaled on Tiffany and Micah to his mom, letting her know how they questioned his intentions due to the previous issues Rebecca had with her infamous Moroccan ex husband. His mother told him not to worry and just enjoy the milk. SO milk so perfect. 
When Rebecca returned home from her chicken, Zied met her downstairs with the family shopping cart to retrieve the rest of his stuff he had mailed himself from Tunisia (his Don Johnson wardrobe with a few Rebecca themed t-shirts sprinkled in). As a “welcome home” gift,  Rebecca presented Zied with two dolls in the couples’ likeness (though a couch would’ve been better). Zied had brought Rebecca a Hamsa bracket, as a “thank you for bringing me to this unfurnished apartment” gift. Please get Zied a throw pillow if you’re going to leave him in the detention center-chic apartment alone all day.
Zied expressed the fact that he was already thinking of going home to visit in six months, which led Rebecca to believe he didn’t fully understand the commitment he was making to her and the K1 Visa process. Could it be because their conversations consist of “Oh baby you so much perfaaact beautiful yesss”??? Who’s to say…

Yara & Jovi 4 Weeks On:

Yara is all alone, and already sick of brushing her hair all day, so she decided to meet up with Jovi’s mom and aunt for a coffee date (I especially love how Yara expresses that she’s meeting up with these people each week because she’s bored and has nothing to do.. So nice of her to give everyone the time of day). Jovi’s mom and aunt tried making small talk while getting to know Yara a little more. They found out that she had previously been engaged, which she claimed was not very serious and more about getting a fancy ring. It was especially awkward when Jovi’s aunt asked how the couple had met, which Yara explains was through an app while talking about “stupid things”- a true love connection. Towards the end of the conversation, Mother Jovi again brought up the idea of throwing the couple a wedding celebration, even though Yara seemed unwilling, since her family couldn’t attend. Momjovi explained that it would just be a gathering, of sorts, to celebrate the couple, instead of a regular wedding reception, and of course would include all of the cajun trimmings. Yara agreed to consider it, as she flipped her hair and readied herself to go back home to her fluffy rug.
Later on, we saw Yara wandering the streets by herself, unsure of what to do now that she hasn’t been able to fight with Jovi in 3 weeks. She hits up the gym in her Barbie workout clothes, before feeling really tired and sick and heading home. She calls her friend Lera (who was fresh from a nose job) to discuss her current state of affairs. Lera questioned if Yara could be pregnant, given her symptoms. The thought didn’t seem to cross Yara’s mind, since she was only with Jovi for two weeks of which they were mostly fighting about sparkly things. The preview for next week shows Jovi coming home for 4 weeks off, but 4 weeks on a drinking bender. I’m guessing there will be more quality fighting scenes in our futures.

Big Mike & Natalie:

Meanwhile, back in Squim….
Natalie is alone in the house, torturing the poor cat, who’s peeing in the closet out of spite for Mike leaving her alone with the crazy lady. After a hearty carrot breakfast, Natalie decides to go full blown Gollum and go crazy looking for her former engagement ring, which she had previously thrown at Mike during their last fight in Kiev. She checked every drawer and cabinet in the house, even venturing into Mike’s stench chamber (aka the closet), finally finding a locked safe (Little did she know, the safe probably contained a few cherry bombs and Uncle Beau’s lost teeth…..). Eventually she gave up, and went back to watching murder documentaries until Mike came home.
Mike returned to see Natalie doing pilates in front of a wood burning fire, to help heat her core as well as the rest of her. She decided to make the big guy dinner, which seemed like a nice gesture, though it was more about being able to control what he ate so he would lose weight. After a lot of back and forth over what’s for dinner, they compromised on shrimp and rice stir fried in water. Natalie decided to make dinner conversation by asking how high Mike has scored on an IQ test. This is where the night started to really spiral, with Natalie making jabs about how uncultured and dumb Mike is, judging him on how many field trips he has taken to museums, how much he drinks, and how he is low class (Does a beer museum count?? ) After dealing with Natalie’s verbal assault, Mike finally decided to question her and her superiority complex. The two fought back and forth, unable to enjoy the shrimp and rice concoction, and eventually retreated to separate rooms for the night. It doesn’t seem to make sense that Natalie wants a ring so she can be engaged to a low class man, or that Mike would want to be engaged to someone who is trying to starve him to death. Looks like next week we get to meet Mother Big Mike and her festive bangs. Can’t wait!

Team Tarzel:

Hazel and Tarik hit up Virginia Beach in another pair of award winning outfits, accompanied by matching gold plated “Tarzel” nameplate necklaces (Is 90 Day sponsored by Piercing Pagoda?)
The couple sat by the beach, talking about finding hot babes for Hazel, now that she’s in America and ready to get freaky. Though Hazel was ready to find herself a leading lady, she couldn’t help but feel jealous seeing that Tarik had messaged the couples’ ex girlfriend, Minty, behind her back. She explained that they had broken up with Minty because Hazel was feeling like the third wheel in the threesome (which is probably the definition of ironic….dontcha think?) While the threesome was in full effect, she had noticed that Minty and Tarik were getting a bit too chummy, speaking in Thai together, and leaving her out of the loop. After promising to stop speaking to Minty, Hazel found out that Tarik had recently messaged her. He explained that he had only reached out because he was worried about her well being with the global pandemic. I really do hope that the couple is able to meet a nice woman who can take them both shopping and help style them a bit better. Oh, and she must be into Samurai swords and psychic centers. It’s a hell of a personal ad…

Missing from the evening’s festivities was Stephanie, who was hula hooping her way to Belize for next week’s episode.