Jenny & Summit,NJ:
As the Coronavirus is still posing a serious threat in India, we see Smit give Jenny what appeared to be a nametag lanyard from Best Buy to wear around her neck and keep her safe. (Well that was one creative way to get out of the wedding!) It appears that the courts in India are back open since the shut downs from the pandemic, and Jenny is raring to move forward with the couples’ ring ceremony and proving their intentions to marry. Submit apparently isn’t in the mood to be “dominated” today, as he seems to be dragging his feet and throwing around some excuses to delay the wedding plans.
He tells Jenny that they must first travel to Delhi, amidst the pandemic, to speak with a lawyer to explore their options, because apparently no one uses phones or Facetime to ask a few questions. Jenny is anxious to get the wedding wheels in motion, as her tourist Visa is about to expire and she is ready to apply for her “Mrs.Smee” Visa, ASAP. She appeared to be getting frustrated with Smit over his lack of urgency in regards to the situation, and was yelling/whining at him, contemplating putting him in “time out” with “no dessert” (ok barf… why do I always do this to myself..)
((So it has probably been made obvious by now that I have a touch of the A.D.D., and I swear I tried my best to pay attention to what was going on in this segment, but here goes nothing…))
Once at the lawyer’s office, the couple was told that they don’t need to participate in filing for the “Special Marriage Act”, mostly because it is a long process that can be expensive and contested by family (but also because their marriage is going to be “special” enough already…). Instead the lawyer suggested some kind of “Arya Starke” marriage, which is when you go to the temple of the “Many-faced God” and show him your soul, or something, and it’s a done deal; No permission slip from the Family Sumwich required. A double face-masked Jenny is overjoyed hearing about this new option, and the fact that they were even free to get married at any time, though was curious as to why it was never mentioned before. Swimmeet sat there quietly, dragging his feet with the wedding plans until they speak to his parents, who of course have not been shy with their feelings on the subject for the last two seasons. Smeet needs to come up with a better stall tactic, and fast before Jenny “Arya Starke’s” him against his own will!
Next we see Sumtreat tell Jenny that his brother ( who’s conveniently named “Amit”, and if he were a main character, he would herein be referred to as Ovenmitt, just sayin’) and sister in law, Shree, are stopping by the house. Smee is thinking of asking his brother to go up to bat for them with “the parents” (It’s incredibly awkward that Steamheat refers to his own parents as “the parents”, and if they had their own spinoff, it should be called “The Parents Mit; Both Shoe and Oven). When Amit and Shree arrived, Jenny greeted them warmly, while still practicing social distancing, but noticeably ditched her life saving Best Buy nametag. She explained that Ovenmitt and Shreelanka were recently married, though she wasn’t invited to the wedding because you know… she’s old, and the family are ageists. Of course it was Jenny’s cue to break out in a blubbering cry with her hands clasped together, apologizing for her age and wishing everyone could just accept their love. The cryfest made Amit and Shree noticeably uncomfortable and you know they were going to have a lot to talk about on the car ride home. Next week’s preview of the finale looked pretty explosive, as the couple will meet “the parents” face to face to beg for their approval, once and for all. I think I’m going to wear my BestBuy name tag for the occasion.
Ariela & Baby Daddy Baby:
It’s the morning after last week’s fight, where Biniyam left for a night of booty shakin’ while Ariela’s parents were in town. Grown Baby was seen hastily trying to re-dread his hair, possibly in an attempt to get Ariela to like him again and stop yelling at him. She admits that they have been fighting a lot lately, but agreed to put their issues aside so they could spend time with the Positive Gangster-inlaws.
The couple took the parents Ariela out to experience Ethiopia. Dr. Weinberg realized he wasn’t in Princeton anymore while driving around and seeing all of the cultural differences. Ariela and both Babies took her parents on a tour of a market, which wouldn’t be complete without some kind of animal sacrifice. Biniyam wanted to show a nice gesture and buy dinner for everyone, though his version of “takeout” was picking out which chicken the man on the street at the chicken table should kill in front of them. The slaughter was stopped, as it appears that the positive gangster has her limitations, and Baby was left with egg on his face (at least the egg came first, before the chicken…murder). Ariela admitted that her days as an Ethopian tourist were way cooler than her days as an Ethiopian resident, but she seems to want to work things out despite the difficulties, since she now is a bigshot with a toilet seat and everything.
The following day, it was time for Ariela’s parents to see their home sweet home. Dr & Mrs Weinberg were quiet at first, taking in the modest dwelling. They expressed concerns that the apartment was too small for a family of three, and would like to extend some financial assistance, once they knew more about Daddy Baby’s income. Biniyam explained that his earnings fluctuate, based on the attendance at Chippendale’s Ethiopia, and some months are better than others. He also only freelances singing in nightclubs, as “dancey cool” seems to be a one hit wonder. It’s pretty clear that the Family Ariela are not seeing how this will work long term, though they do seem to like Biniyam and feel he is talented.
Before their trip came to an end, the family Ariela met up with the sisters Biniyam to discuss how things are going. Ariela brings up being unhappy that she’s mostly alone while Baby is working, and doesn’t have a great support system. Biniyam’s sisters didn’t hold back in telling the Positive Gangster that her daughter has been less than positive, to say the least. They tattletaled that Ariela yells a lot, gets very bossy, and wants everything her way. Although Ariela’s mom admitted that her daughter tends to fly off the handle quite easily, she also realizes the intensity of her new living situation, and encourages the sisters Biniyam to step it up in the friendship department. The sisters also brought up the topic of the baby-baby’s baptism, which was news to Ariela’s parents, who were expecting Avi to be raised Jewish. Ariela tried to explain that she was trying to think about this religious event as a “silly little bath”, while her parents reminded her that this was a bigger issue. The family Biniyam accused Ari of acting “just like his ex”, which seemed to be a big blow, and caused the fight to escalate. Hopefully the positive gangster can extend her ticket….
Deavan & Jihoon:
Back in Korea, Deavan is on Skype with her parents discussing their upcoming trip. She wanted to make sure her mom had forgiven Jihoon for everything being his fault, but it seems as though she’s still not 100% #TeamJihoon. Jihoon explains that he is suffering from “EP” syndrome (Elicia Phobia), as he mentally prepares to see his intimidating mother in law again.
Next we see the couple (with his parents in tow) all heading to the airport to retrieve Deavan’s family who flew into Korea for the couples’ one hour wedding. Drascilla was so thrilled to see her family, that she ran to them crying, wrapping her arms around her grandpa with no intention of letting go. Jihoon started to feel slightly incontinent around Elicia, as their last encounter didn’t end well (sounds like he’s going to need the bidet). Looks like next week is the big wedding, which is one hour shorter than an episode of this show. In theory, they could have the wedding, and watch the filmed version in the same amount of time as one regular episode (though there will be 3,000 commercials and previews for the upcoming 5 minutes).
Yazan & The Brittany:
Brittany and her friend Angela are still getting tipsy on their girls’ trip to Jordan, now waiting for Yazan to pick them up outside. Brittany did “the robot” on the sidewalk while they waited which was somehow the least weird part of this segment…. Yazan flatly greeted the girls, seeming equally as excited as any other Uber driver picking up drunk people would be. He wanted to show Brittany what he has been up to since she was last there, so he drove them to the barbershop where he works, after hours (It’s unclear if he owns it or just works there and has a key). Brittany seemed impressed that Yazan had moved out and started a new life out of the clutches of his family, and thought it was a step in the right direction for the success of their ridiculous relationship. Brittany then decides it’s a fun tipsy idea to attempt to cut Yazan’s hair, draping the barber cape over his shirt, and eventually snipping a strand to the floor. It was a strange but somewhat successful segway into talking about the state of their relationship. Yazan claimed that he no longer cares if Brittany converts to Islam, and is totally cool with waiting on the whole marriage thing. Although she seems happy that he is telling her everything she wants to hear, she feels that he will change his tune as soon as he’s around his family (which, he has yet to tell her about his dad’s plan to become his own personal Michael Meyers…)
The morning after the awkward haircut, Angela and Brittany were talking in their hotel room, discussing Angela’s first impressions. She felt Yazan was calm and respectful and he didn’t even scream “hullah!”, contradicting Brittany’s portrayal of him. Brittany agreed to meet up with him to check out his new apartment and discuss their relationship status. Brittany arrived in her 90s trench coat that she borrowed from David (of David & Lana), and joined Yazan in the apartment for the tour, which started out in the “chicken” (Ok, maybe he meant to say kitchen, and that was cute and all, but it made me think of Biniyam and the doomed chicken at the market..…moment of silence). The bathroom was luxurious by Ethiopian standards, as it came with a toilet seat and was a lovely shade of blue. After the impressive apartment tour, Yazan sat down to explain the difficulties he has faced with his family and his desire to still be with The Brittany, despite it all. Brittany has no idea what he’s talking about, and doesn’t want to stay with him at the apartment because he doesn’t have a bath mat and the floor is wet. Ultimately, after wasting a lot of time not understanding each other, they agreed to speak with a translator next week. (I was thinking of slipping him a $20 to just yell “Haram!” and run away)
Cheesestick & Malaria:
Cheesestick and Mamaqueso are having a little alone time to discuss his cheating scandal again, as we get to listen to him show off his Espanol skills by ordering “cafe con leche” all by himself like a big boy (are you listening, Kenny??!).
Momzerella tells her son that in order for his relationship to succeed, they both need to forgive and move forward, and maybe just break up because this is so dumb……. Oh wait, I said that.
Cheesestick breaks the news to his mom that Melyza revenge-diddled some guys while they were on their brief hiatus, and he’s not sure that she is dedicated to their tragic relationship. Tim realizes that the couple is in no way ready for marriage, though his tourist visa expiration date is quickly approaching, and he’s trying to figure out what to do for work . He fears he may be forced to move back if he can’t find a job soon, and worries the distance will put an even bigger strain on the relationship (On the brightside, he will have a long flight back to the US with the opportunity to go to each passenger individually no the plane, confessing his cheating ways). Mama McCheesertons asks if he is sure this is what he really wants, causing the two to break down crying, as Tim admitted he was unsure and scared at the moment. I think this whole relationship sounds no-Gouda.
Next we see the snooze-worthy couple go to counseling in COElumbeeyuh to discuss their crappy relationship with someone new (at least the therapist is getting PAID to listen to this!). Tim opens up the conversation by talking about his favorite topic- his unfaithful cheese dip, as Melyza sits there, clinging onto his arm with her resting bitch face in full effect. Tim expresses that he is contemplating going back to the states for financial reasons since his visa will soon expire. Melyza of course is now even more annoyed, and her dead eyed stare intensified. I’m going to leave the rest of this story’s narration to the woman who narrates “Snapped”.
Karmando:
Well Karmando returns to the big screen, and waddayaknow?? They’re in the car!! Shocking. This time little Hannah is tagging along in the back, as she accompanies her dads back to the marriage license office to fight….for their right…to (have a gay wedding) paaaaaarty. During the car ride, Armando explained to Hannah that the dos papas were not allowed to marry, and she totally dissed the marriage license department, calling them”mean and ugly ticksters”. Kenny’s hair was extra “Johnny Bravo” to impress the staff, as they walked in with Hannah to pick up their paperwork. Officially the couple was denied, siting the reason that same sex marriage doesn’t “save the human race” since they can’t technically procreate, but don’t worry, Mexico! Deavan and Jihoon are holding it down in that department and doing a great job!
The next step is to pursue the human rights department to overturn the decision. Hopefully they’ll be picking out fabulous table linens and centerpieces soon!
Hey there. Here are my favorites of your witticisms this time around:
Family Sumwich, Swimmeet( I think those are new). I was interested in sister-in-law Shree’s tattooed hands. Apparently the camera people were also because they kept showing them. I lived in India for a year and don’t remember that, but then I’m old!
Back to my favorites: Mama McCheeserton, and no gouda. When I saw Tim’s mom’s outfit, I thought to myself ” when did they film this? I thought we were finished with the cold shoulder fad. It doesn’t look attractive on anyone”. I enjoyed your recap. Keep it up.
Love it your so funny Erica x
Best ever. Please write a novel.
soooooooooooo funny you get it girl…….
Ariela is simply ridiculous and unreasonable. She wants to be kept in the manner to which she is accustomed, but also wants her baby daddy to stay home and keep her company. I just can’t with her.